Love Lost

My Bess,

It snowed today for the first time this season, sending me back in time.

My mind raced with glittery thoughts of that last winter in school. The muted landscape kept our secrets, covering our snow angels as they began side by side, then became only one. Your breath fogged over my face, and your nose cold. But your lips were wet and warm and tickled my ear. Your eyes were bright, and your cheeks pink. As we trudged, sinking to our knees in places, your hand was deep inside my mitten, straining the threads and holding my hand.

I lived for those afternoons when we slipped from the watchful eye of the Headmaster to explore the grounds, then shivering and giggling under quilts as our skirts hung to dry. We were who we wanted to be. Together. We explored a winter wonderland but also a private love. One without rules.

My god, how I miss you.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep as images plagued me. I pressed my body against my husband in desperation. But even in his sleep, he shifted away from me. He never wanted me, not like you do. Did?

I’m sorry I didn’t attend your wedding. I couldn’t bear to see you happy with him. Or worse, pretending to be. Like me.

I know I swore not to write words like these. I promise this will be the last of them. Should you… need me. Want me? Please, come to me.

Yours always,

Lizzy