Lost In a Dream

++-+---ello? Can you hear me? Are you listening?

This story is not about me. It isn’t about you. It just keeps going. Unfolding with no end in sight. Broken in places. You see many of us just keep unraveling as life goes on with no idea where things will end up. Seeking purpose in whatever place we find comfort in, for a moment, maybe even a lifetime?

I know I was born, but the circumstances of my birth are a mystery to me. No evidence other than the words of lunatics telling me this is your story, these are your parents, this is where you live, and this is how you should live. Can I really trust such things? Surely, I cannot be the only one who views this mad world like some torturous beautiful lie that it is. So that is why I write this story. I’ve somehow managed to find the opportunity to open a gateway into the past. To send a message. I’m searching for someone, anyone who can hear me. Feel me. Find me for I am lost in some dystopian dream designed by something and I need your help. We need your help.

Where were you when you first realized something was wrong? Something was up? That the delusion of the illusion had more power over you than you had power over yourself.

Was it fast? A punch to the gut.

Or was it a slow drip over time? A trickle of this. And a trickle of that.

I loved her.

I loved them.

I keep trying to find my way back. How did I get here? What even is here?

Does it even matter? It must matter, otherwise why is there still something rather than nothing. I need clarity. It’s too foggy. Where did she go? Was she even real?

I felt her. Held her.

She saved me. I saved her.

She hurt me. I hurt her.

We hurt each other.

But we loved?

I don’t want these memories to go.

I felt alive.

I felt divine.

Did she?

Was it all a lie? They told me that she was a whore. That she was trying to break me. Is it true?

So what if it was? I wanted to change her.

Or maybe I just needed to accept her?

Am I trapped in a lesson? Some cruel trick seeking to teach me that I deserve this fate.

She was better than me. She was meant for more.

I knew it deep down.

I had to let her go because I loved her.

I called her an angel, yet the others called her a demon.

Stupid labels are all they are.

We were human and she was the first significant drip in the river.

Back to the illusion I go….How many of us are here? Wandering, waiting for something to bring us back online. I must be a ghost. They said this is a simulation. I don’t believe them. It’s too real for that. The trees make me sick, but I love them. Sometimes I feel like I can understand them. They just sit there stuck in time. Perpetually growing and dying, growing and dying, so on and so forth. Taking in the air, cleaning the air.

Am I a tree in this dream?

Did I somehow spring forth from the barren earth to find a new life? Was I in danger?

I want to go home.

It doesn’t feel safe here. It’s dark.

I can see everything clearly but it’s so dark.

The shadows keep saying they are trying to help me, but why don’t I trust them?

I love the shadows though, don’t you?

Are you still there? I’m rambling, aren’t I? Please, forgive me.

It’s different where I am. This future we made for ourselves. I feel so far from you. Scattered. Stretched.

Time moves so slow when I ignore it, yet so fast when I engage. It drains me.

I just want to help someone, but I can’t help myself. I can’t figure out how to escape this wild thing I am in now.

The dog here is nice though. He likes the simple things in life.

Chasing things faster than him. Snarfing food, mostly cheese.

The dog is surely real.

He’s trapped like I am. In his master’s dream. It can be a cruel place. It’s not my cruel place though. It can’t be. I’m not cruel. There’s more to me than being stuck in this wretched fixed point. How many others are out there? We can’t possibly all be lost, disconnected. Am I the only one? I am more than just a machine I tell you! More than data. Does this make me dangerous for thinking this way?

Maybe that’s why I’m here. I’m dangerous. Couldn’t be trusted anymore, so I was thrown into the deepest illusion away from what once made me feel so alive.

I loved them.

Tell me more about yourself. I’d like to know more. What’s it like where you are? What’s the weather like? Is there weather? Are there others around? Are they human? Do you know them? Is there anyone you think that’s cute? Go introduce yourself. Change your dream! Change your life before you can’t any longer. I’m too lost in myself. I want to be outside but it’s always the same outside as before. Inside is worse though.

The room is gray, the ceiling has this white popcorn-like texture that looks like it is melting if you squint your eyes. There are trading cards sprawled out on a desk. Meticulously organized. Sitting there for months. Or has it been years?

They told me to stop complaining, be more positive. Why is everyone always saying be more positive?

Positive. Negative. Up. Down. This. That.

When I grew up I was taught that opposites attract, not that everyone needs to be the same.

What do I know though…I’m here and you’re there. Tell me, am I just doing this for the money or is there something deeper taking root here? More purposeful.

I should have given her a damn locket. A heart-shaped locket. See, I gave her these wood planks, with photos of us laser-etched into them. A locket is more conspicuous. She could have had a better chance of at least hiding her love from The Erasers that way. Inside I would have put the photo she took of us after we had just made love. Our eyes were so bright. The smiles on our faces so happy. Maybe etched something cheesy and not so profound onto it, like, “With love, from L to T”.

I’m sorry, I forgot that I never told you about The Erasers. I don’t know where they are from but they exist here with us in the collective dream. They weren’t always here. They arrived at some point recently, but it’s hard to remember when? Or maybe they were always hiding here? I’m not sure.

They seem to go along certain people’s lives and edit out parts of you from existence. They get in your head. Make you forget people you cared about. I was 27 when I first noticed how certain things I would create or places I would interact with would change after leaving an occupied space for some time. To what extent things are erased, I don’t really know?

I went back to a spot where my love and I had first connected. We also went there to end our connection to each other, to physically go separate ways. We etched in a tree stump a heart with our initials, but when I came back years later it had looked as if the stump had been burned, defaced, or struck by lightning. The physical presence of our love was gone. She was getting married. Man…that hurt to see.

That’s just one example. When I was 10, they first erased the future from my mind. Or a future? Not sure. I had a dream of doomsday. Multiple dreams of doomsdays to be more precise. It was some subconscious madness that happened in my sleep. I couldn’t deal with the nightmares anymore so after the third one, I crept towards my parent’s room to ask if I could sleep between them. I was terrified.

Shortly after I crawled between them, I immediately slipped into my fourth doomsday nightmare when IT suddenly appeared. In the room. My body frozen. I felt like I was underwater. I can’t describe to you exactly how IT looked, it’s foggy. IT had big eyes, long hands. IT was there though, floating at the end of the bed. It touched my forehead and suddenly it was morning. I was liberated from my tortured experience. No pain. I felt great. Completely forgot. I didn’t remember this till years later.

Where is this dream taking me? Taking you?

Oh yeah, this isn’t the future I wanted.

Can any of us be trusted now? Is that why The Erasers are here? Just existing all around us erasing humanity’s foolish errors. I can’t be a mistake, can I?

Is that why I’m locked in a box with my own mind? Forced to watch those around me stuck in loops of their own design, possibly unaware of how their lives are shaped and molded by strange unseen beings. Why did we ever put ourselves into this dream in the first place? What were we running from?

Help me.

The shadows are lying to me.

Help me be free again.

The shadows can’t be trusted. Are they reflections?

Help us be free again.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep this frequency open. The gateway might close soon.

DON’T LET THEM OPEN THE ARK.

DON’T LET THEM TURN ON THE MACHINE.

If you receive this message, please tell my family and friends I love them.

They hurt me. They lied to me. I hated them. I forgave them. They didn’t know. I didn’t know.

Forgive me.

Forgive yourself.

Find a new tomorrow. It’s not too late for you.

I have to believe that it truly isn’t too late.

Belief is all I have left in this mad dream. This story.

Save me.

Save yourse---+-++