Lisa

The revolting spiced scent clogged her throat; it was so thick in the air as he walked past her. She could barely see what he looked like through her blurred vision as her eyes watered and she fought back her gag reflex. She could feel the bile rising up as she swallowed rapidly. It felt as if fire ants were attacking her fingers with burning angry bites. Her palms began to itch as she reminded herself to breathe and that the ants were just a trick of her mind; that it was only the adrenaline coursing through her. Shaking her head minutely, Lisa attempted to stave off the sheer panic that was beginning to consume her. She could see fleeting images overlapping the table in front of her. She abruptly stood, startling Cynthia who was busily munching her salad. “Lisa? What’s wrong?”

It was a broken movie playing tricks on Lisa’s brain. The jittery bright flashes of broken strewn glass on the road, flames licking up the side of the table, and the amber lights of the cafe turned to blue and red flashing emergency lights. Lisa desperately wanted to bring it into clarity instead of having this tormenting chaos of overlapping visions. It was the only moment in her life that she could not recall in the clairity that her photogenic memory normally could. The smells assailed her fraying senses, sending her heart racing faster. The metallic tang of pouring blood and the bitter sulfur smell of rubber were all mixing in with the warm welcoming smells that had filled the cafe moments ago. She needed to recenter herself before she fell apart. Lisa clenched her hands, digging her nails into her palms in an attempt for control. She could feel the cracks in her carefully crafted wall that surrounded her greatest pain.

She couldn’t believe it was happening again. This searing pain that the doctor said would lessen with time. It was ripping her body apart in so many different ways. This was so absurd to her that her mind and body became so scattered and fragmented all by the simple smell of some idiot's cologne! As the black edges closed in on her despite controlling her breathing; she slammed her fist into the wall over Cynthia’s head.

“Lisa! What the hell?” Cynthia squeaked as she dropped her fork onto the floor. She dabbed at a fleck of ranch that splattered onto her top. “I’m sorry Cyn, just one of those random PMS moments you know I have.” Lisa wouldn’t make eye contact, not right now. She could feel the heat of Cynthia’s gaze on her, knowing she was weighing her mood. Lisa shook herself and tried her best to smile brightly as she tossed her raven black hair over her shoulders. “It was just a spaz attack. You know I should probably grab something a little more sugary and see if it helps.”

“Really Lisa? Yeah I really believe we all PMS and punch walls in cafes because it’s so much fun!” Lisa could practically touch the sarcasm in the air. It was so thick. “I mean, it’s all the new rage to punch walls the first seventy two hours of our period! Make that asshole bleed with us, huh? Oh wait, that’s actually my idiot friend’s bleeding hand.”

“Ever the comedian, aren't you Cynthia? Can you please just hand me a napkin?” Lisa had barely registered the pulsing throb in her knuckles that was settling in. Just as she was looking down to assess the damage she was just beginning to feel, she spotted him walking through the crowd. “Shit! Of course Captain Ass-Hat knew exactly where I would be having lunch today.” Lisa glared at Cynthia knowing just how he probably found out where she was. “ This was the very last thing I needed to deal with today!” Lisa’s cobalt blue eyes narrowed and she felt the burning anger flare to life that had taken hold where her heart used to be. She bit back a growl as she watched Mark sauntering toward them in his ridiculous Armani suit. How could anyone find it acceptable to wear Armani this early in the day?

Lisa barely registered Cynthia shoving a handful of napkins at her as she stepped in front of her. “I have no idea why you are so hateful and rude to your brother. He’s sweet and delicious.” She giggled at her own pun. Lisa fought to not retort with a cruel remark. She knew it was pointless to even attempt to explain this to her. “Cynthia, trust me when I say you will never understand and looks are not what I see in my brother. You do realize that there’s the whole ick factor in even implying I should see him in that manner? He is my brother, remember? Which means we are related. And it has not changed despite my numerous wishes.” She didn’t bother waiting to hear her reply because she knew it would just press buttons better left alone. She grabbed her jacket and casually draped it over her hand and she turned around at the sound of Mark clearing his throat.

“What Mark? I have no money for you, no time and no I will never let you borrow my car no matter what emergency errand must be done right this second.” She couldn’t hide the exhaustion in her voice. She was bone weary and if you looked past her artful make up; it showed. The sleepless nights and panic attacks were finally wearing her down. If she could manage one day without the constant poking of everyone in her life, maybe she could recoup a little. She began walking to the exit, deciding that avoidance was the best tactic right now.

“Hold up Squirt! I was just wanting to catch up with you and see if we could grab some lunch together? I haven’t seen you in months.” Lisa had to shove down the feeling of betrayal at Cynthia. If she had it her way, she would never see Mark again. Lisa scoffed “Really has it only been months? It feels like it was just last week you wanted ten thousand dollars to invest in your new company.” She knew exactly how this would play out. She loved her brother dearly, but his single minded devotion to himself left no room for him to actually care about anyone else. His four failed marriages only further proved his issues. Mark’s constant scheming was a large part in her losing Bryan. She wasn’t sure she could ever forgive Mark.

“You want to grab some lunch with me?” She didn’t bother to wait for his reply before tossing her apple in his direction. “Here, consider lunch grabbed.” She heard Cynthia’s sharp intake of breath at the same time Mark grunted. “Lisa! Damn it!” It never took much to get Mark to drop his cheerful charismatic facade. “Lisa! You hit him with that!” Lisa glanced over her shoulder to see Cynthia glaring at her while rubbing Mark’s shoulder.

“Mark, I told you a month ago, I’m done bailing you out.” Her hands began shaking as she fought to control her voice. This was insanity! She just needed one minute to wrap her head around the horrible turn her life had taken. It had only been a month damn it! She was so fed up dealing with her brother’s antics and not being able to mourn in peace. Then she had Cynthia’s constant worrying and advice on how to cope with her tragedy. It was all driving her crazy. What she really needed was an escape from her life! This wasn’t what it was supposed to be like.How could she get anyone to understand this?

It was like a bubbling kettle inside of her and the shaking of her hands was not going to let the pressure out. “Cynthia! Do not even start on me! If you think an apple is such a heinous crime then you are more of an idiot than Mark says you are!” Lisa gripped her purse tightly trying to slow herself down. But it was impossible to catch her breath or stop herself. If she stopped to register the tears welling in Cynthia’s pale green eyes, she would crumble. “ Mark is a manipulative asshole that you are only defending in hopes he will notice you. He’s never going to be anything except for an evil self serving bastard!” She went too far but it was like a dam had broken inside her. “You just keep throwing yourself at him in the most pathetic ways! Why do you think he only calls you babe? He doesn’t even know your name! We have been best friends for twenty years!”

“Lisa Ann! That is enough! What is going-” Mark’s raised voice did nothing to staunch this vile word vomit coming out of her mouth. “Shut up Mark! Just shut up!” Her shriek cut through the animated chatter around them. She could feel eyes on her as her face turned red. “I’m not dealing with the two of you right now! This is the exact opposite of what I need from anyone, let alone people who claim to love me. I’m out; Cynthia you can follow Mark into whatever bullshit situation he’s found himself in now!” She knew she was breathing too rapidly but she couldn’t slow it down. It felt like everyone was closing in on her.

She barely registered her feet moving and people parted to let her pass by. The only thing she could think of was running. There was no other thought in her head other than the need to get out. It was just a constant voice screaming “You have to run!” Her hands were starting to tingle and she had that odd pressure right above her eyes. Everything around her was a blur. Her eyes locked on her beautiful amethyst car. Its sleek lines are just the perfect amount of sexy and bold. It was the last real thing in her life before everything exploded. Once again she sent up a silent prayer of thanks as the keyless entry had the doors unlocked before she even touched the handle.

The purr of her V8 engine broke through her panic in a way nothing else ever could. “I just can’t do this anymore. This is all driving me insane!” Lisa let out a shuddering breath as she checked the mirrors before turning on her signal. Her hands lovingly caressed the steering wheel as she turned into traffic. The musky spiced scent of her leather interior further calmed her down and eased the throbbing in her head to a small pulse. A little voice in the back of her mind said “Don’t do this anymore. Be selfish for once.”

With a resolute sigh, she checked again before merging into traffic with a feeling of determination settling into her soul. It felt heavy and at the same time made her feel lighter than she had in a long time. At the light she made a decision; normally she would turn left or right. One direction took her to her house where she would go to sleep and start it all again tomorrow. The other way to the cemetery , where she spent many hours lost in her thoughts mourning the life she thought she would have forever.

Lise gripped the wheel tightly as the light turned green. She slammed down on the gas and her little car leapt forward. She knew she was over the speed limit but she felt the need to get away from everything as quickly as she could. She barely registered the passing buildings as they flew by. As her tires squealed coming around the cloverleaf to merge onto the freeway she screamed with them. The freeway was empty except for the few odd commuters going at a snail's pace. She pushed her car hard. The purring engine did not falter for one second as she flew down the road. The fleeting fear of the unknown tried to stop her in her tracks but she squashed it. It didn’t matter where she went; as long as it wasn’t California anymore.