Like Letters Written in the Sand

It had been six weeks since her world had turned upside down, a month since he’d declared his love for her, but the memories of being trapped in that car, or what seemed like an eternity, she’d have flashbacks of the truck coming at her, out of control, the impact crushing her car like an accordion, crushing her legs. Later Anna-leis would learn that the driver of the truck had an alcohol level over three times the legal limit, a fact that left Anna-leis seething with anger, and left Clarence wanting to do something to protect Anna-leis, but he couldn’t protect her from an idiot getting behind the wheel so wasted, he couldn’t protect her, not the way he wanted too, and at the time he had nearly lost her, he hadn’t found the courage to tell her how much he loved her, that happened when he was sitting next to her hospital bed two weeks after he had gotten the call she’d been flown to New Hope Hospital, the hospital most equipped to deal with her severe injuries. He’d kept vigil by her bedside for two weeks, praying he wouldn’t loose her, no one had ever made him feel the way she did. He would risk his life for her.

He felt relief when she finally woke up, heartbroken over what had happened, but she was alive, and to him that was the most important thing. Her world turned upside down in the time it took for a selfish and stupid decision to be made, a decision that ultimately would destroy Anna-leis’es career, but as she opened her eyes, she didn’t realize that. She knew something was wrong, Clarence’s eyes alone told her that.

She offered a weak smile, when she opened up her eyes to see Clarence there, she’d known he loved her somewhere deep down she knew that, and she loved him too, but they kept skating around the truth, the love that they felt each other, but both were to afraid to admit it, building walls around themselves to protect themselves from pain, but it was keeping them something else too love. The call from the hospital realizing that Anna-leis had put him down as an emergency contact made him realize what a fool he had been, nearly loosing her had been a wake up call.

Her smile made his heart skip a beat, but the pain he saw in her eyes made his heart break. Clarence would carry the pain for her if he could, but he couldn’t.

He felt relief when the nurses came in, checking on Anna-leis, making sure vitals were okay, and to let them know a doctor would be in to talk to her.

“Am I going to be okay?” Anna-leis asked her eyes etched with concern, eyes that Clarence felt he could get lost in, but right now those eyes showed pain and confussion.

Clarence wanted to tell her, she was just fine, but he couldn’t do that, there was a lot he didn’t understand, a lot he didn’t know, the one thing he was certain of was he loved her.

Anna-leis lay there waiting for the doctor to come in to tell her the extent of her injuries, staring at the ceiling for a time, thinking about how many times she had feared this very scenario in her career, she was a cop, and danger came with it, but sge hadn’t been on duty, when the drunk driver had hit her car, without giving her a chance to react. It had also happened so quickly and yet in the days that would come the crash would play in her mind in slow motion over and over again, but in that moment her mind was still foggy from the drugs, the two week long coma.

The doctor looked young, almost Doogie Howser young, but she knew looks can be deceiving, six years of going after suspects had taught her never to jump to conclusions, but she had also learned to read eyes, eyes could tell you a lot about a person, a certain glint, and she could discern a persons intent, but when it came to Clarence she had put blinders up. She hadn’t let herself see what was obvious.

Anna-leis felt Clarence squeeze her hands a little tighter as the doctors explained the severity of the damage to her legs, and how they had to amputate, nearly every bone in her legs had been crushed, the damage so bad they had no choice but to amputate both legs above the knee.

Tears were forming in her eyes, tears she was trying hard to blink back, but the reality of the situation, the man holding her hand, broke the dam loose.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Anna-leis asked, looking at Clarence with pleading eyes.

He squeezed her hand a little tighter. “I don’t know Anna-leis, but we will figure it out together.”

“Clarence, I don’t want your pity.”

“Can’t you see by now, I love you.” He said, grabbing her hands.

“I’m broken.” Anna-leis said, the tears, falling on to her pillow.

“No, you’re beautiful, that hasn’t changed, it never will.”

© Michelle R Kidwell

July.20.2022