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Letting Go

An unexpected surprise was exactly what Ellen needed to live her life.

By Annie KnoblauchPublished 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 10 min read
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Letting Go
Photo by sawyer on Unsplash

She looked around the barn, it was old and worn down, but it was hers and she loved it, and everything and everyone in it.

It is cliche to say a moment can change your life. And in this instance, maybe it wasn't a moment, but instead many moments, tying in to each other, connecting pieces of her heart, her joys and her soul. And she didn’t even know it was happening, until one day, she realized that this was exactly where she was meant to be, this was her happiness.

This barn saved her life. Not in the literal sense, but in every other way possible. She was 38, divorced, unemployed, disconnected from her family and friends and had no inspiration or motivation to pick herself off her butt and do something about it.

But this barn gave her a life line, even though she didn't know it at the time.

Ellen had gone through a really tough year. She had several challenging years before this, and in looking back, I guess some of the things that happened at the very end were inevitable. Her divorce was one of them. Removing herself away from her family and her circle of friends was another.

On an ordinary Thursday, while sitting in her kitchen drinking a cup of lukewarm tea, a knock at the door reminded her of the hustle and bustle of life still happening outside her small one bedroom apartment.

In her fuzzy pink robe and unwashed hair, Ellen answered the door, secretly hoping it would be a misdelivery of pizza or some kind of fast food; she was hungry but didn't want to have to make any food that consisted of cutting, preparing or cooking/baking.

An older man, dressed in a dark gray suit, stood at the door. “Are you Ellen?”

She nodded, worried about who he was and why he was looking for her.

“May I come in? My name is Samuel Ofice, I am your Aunt Lauren’s lawyer” he said, holding up an id card and a small brown file in his right hand. She hadn’t spoken to or heard from her aunt Lo in a very long time, back in her University years maybe?

She let him in, gestured to her couch and offered the man a coffee, before she sat down across from him, anxious to hear why he was here. He opened up his files and began explaining why he was there while offering his sympathies.

Her aunt had passed away a short while before, and in her will, she had left an old barn and the small property it was on , in the countryside , to Ellen.

It took several moments for Ellen to absorb all the information, she didn’t even realize that her aunt had passed away. Or that she was in her will. An old barn. She couldn’t remember her aunt owning any property with a barn. But then again, her family had secrets they hid from so many people, including her, so she wasn't surprised. After the lawyer left, Ellen sat in silence with her cup of tea and looked over the papers and photos of the property. What am I supposed to do with a barn? She tossed the papers aside.

She looked out her window overlooking a small green space with some benches and shrubbery. She thought of all the quiet mornings she spent there with coffee in hand watching the birds eat the seeds she would toss for them, while her then-husband would be on his cell phone consumed in work calls or emails. Did he even remember she existed? she would often wonder.

Giving her head a shake, she picked up the papers for the barn again and figured a visit out to her new property would probably be in order, I mean, it's not like she had anything else to do or look forward to in her life, maybe the country air would help clear her head. She started making a plan to see the place within the week.

She was currently living on her savings, and being frugal, could stretch her savings out for 5 maybe 6 months at least. She figured going out to visit the barn and see what she could do with it would be a good way to pass a couple of weeks.

As the week passed by, Ellen had been busy. The busiest she had been in a long while. Mapping out her route to drive out to the barn. She learned more about the property and area, and the small town it was in, which had a grocery store, an odds and ends store, hardware store ,gas station, and a small bar/restaurant for some weekend fun.

She packed food and rented a tent trailer to drive down, driving out early Sunday morning, hoping to avoid most of the traffic in the city, driving quite slow since she wasn't used to towing along a large trailer.

Hours passed as she drove along the highway, eventually turning off to the side roads taking her into the long peaceful country roads, fields of lush green grass, tall stalks of golden canola and miles and miles of sky. The sight was pretty breathtaking, although a little overwhelming, as she felt like she was the only person left in the world with no cars, no people, no buildings in sight for as far as she could see, only never ending fields and sky with the occasional group of cows or horses.

Finally arriving at the property, she drove up the long narrow dirt road that led to the barn. There was no gate, though a large wood fence surrounded the property, with a faded sign at the front entrance way that read ‘PAWS PLACE' . Old, dingy, worn down were the first thoughts she had of the barn. It looked to be standing and sturdy, but the paint was faded and peeling, some of the wood panels looked like it should be replaced or and overall it needed a good washing.

There was no lock on the doors. Why would there be, she thought, what would someone steal? Hay and dirt? Please don't be full of spiders or dead animals or a creepy psycho killer, she thought as she slowly opened up the barn doors.

Light trickled into the dark barn and she could make out some piles of hay, an old work table and bench and some chairs. Pushing the door wide open to allow more light in, she walked in further to explore her new property. She noticed several large bowls with some kibble and water were spread out on the floor. Animals? She didn't remember reading anything about any animals on the property in the will. She called out into the quiet. “Hello?” She didn't know what she expected to hear back. Maybe a cow mooing or a goat hiding in the back? She listened and heard a soft meow. Surprised, Ellen called out again, this time with a few meows, and heard another meow answer her back.

A large fluffy grey cat came walking out from the back of the barn and stopped a few feet away, staring as if trying to decide if she was friendly or not. Ellen felt a small wave of excitement rush over her seeing this little cat. She knelt down and tried to coax it to come to her. It didn't move. She began to worry how this cat survived here, and realized the kibble and water was for him, or her. Someone was feeding this cat, or was the food left from when her aunt was still alive? Before she could make another move towards the cat, a few more cats came sauntering out from some piles of hay, she counted 4 more. A couple little multi-colored ones, a tuxedo and another grey kitty. They all stopped a few feet away and watched her.

A little family of cats. Were they strays or feral? They lived in the barn and looked to be healthy enough. What was she going to do with them? She couldn't just leave them here alone without making sure they continued to be fed and looked after, but she wasn't planning on staying more than a few days to sort out what she was going to do with the property. Little did she know, these little guys would be changing her plans, and her life, in more ways than one. .

As she stood there, trying to figure out what she was going to do, she felt soft fur brush against her leg. She looked down, and saw the tuxedo cat looking up at her and she felt her heart warm. She bent down and slowly reached out to pet the cat, who welcomed the friendly hand.

The cat seemed to enjoy the affection, and laid out on the floor, stretching in content. One of the multi-colored cats joined the tuxedo in his stretching, and Ellen watched as all the cats came over one by one to greet and meet her. She was surprised at how quickly they trusted to come close to her. She always believed that animals could sense the good or bad in a person. She hoped this was true, and that she was a good person.

Over the next few days, she spent most of her time in the barn, after taking a trip out to pick up food, and supplies. She spent most of her time sitting and visiting with the cats, they loved to be pet and purred up a storm when they snuggled in with her on the barn floor, and she loved their company. She became very protective of them and would worry if she hadn't seen one of them throughout the day, always making sure they were all safe in the barn by evening.

How quickly a bond was created with Ellen and the cats. They sat and watched as she swept the floors and moved the piles of hay into one area. They especially loved swatting at the broom when she would use it to dust the cobwebs from up high. She managed to clean well enough so she could sleep inside on a cot if she wanted. She had decided she would stay on the property and fix up the barn so she might be able to temporarily live in it with her new feline friends. Perhaps figure out a way to renovate it so it would be a permanent home for her in the future.

She had never felt more motivated to do something or surrounded by more unconditional love than she had experienced in all her 38 years. These cats gave her a sense of purpose, they didn't have any expectations of her, no judgements. The calm, happiness and clarity she felt being on the property was healing. She would stay. How she would get the money to fix it up, she would have to figure that out, but she trusted she would find a way. For herself and for the cats, she would find a way so they could all stay together here happily.

She stroked the soft fur of the little grey cat, and thought back to her family and friends. She momentarily felt regret and sadness in realizing what was missing in all her failed relationships; trust. Trust was the main ingredient to a relationship, something she never really thought about before. But she was ready to fully let it all go, all the resentment, anger, guilt, all of it, to accept the past and let it go peacefully. Goodbye old life. I'll be okay.

And she figured it out with the help of these beautiful new little friends of hers.

Short Story
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