Lament of the neglected walls!

If walls could talk and be absolutely pissed, I would throw your piss back at you, I would yell loudly for everyone to hear, at the top of my voice, to tell you to stop pissing on me. It has not rained in many days, and I stink to high heaven and back.

I see you laughing, you over there. Yes, you. The one walking the three dogs, both you and your dogs just sullied and soiled my clean exterior, seeping into my interior. I feel so unclean and absolutely dirty.

The poor house across the street looks over and starts to complain. I feel so sorry for it. The paint has peeled, the walls chipped, the windows are falling apart. Curtains hang at lopsided angles, torn and neglected.

"Is it not enough that my owner neglects me, the kids throw garbage against my walls, and now I too smell like pee. I feel so disgusted and ill kept, I dislike myself. Look how wonderful your owners treat you. They keep your walls nicely painted, your windows clean and your curtains brand new and lovely to look at. How is it fair, all you have to complain about is pee. As soon as it rains you will be fine again. Me, rain only makes the roof leak and water continuously drips down my walls for days. Mildew and mold has been under the torn up, soiled and raggedy thing on the floor that they call a carpet. The stench of the mold has seeped into the walls, climbing up inch by inch towards the ceiling, it's a wonder the inmates of this asylum are not sick and decrepit". Across the street Wall paused for a moment.

I remained quiet, trying not to laugh at his apt description of the folks who lived there. What can I say to appease the poor walls of that most unfortunate of houses. The young folks paint graffiti on it's exterior whenever the owners were not around. There is a nice cat drawn on the corner wall, which is the only thing anyone can bear to look at over there.

"Why don't you say something. You think that you are better than me, is that it? Just because you look all posh and shiny, you think that you don't need to reply to me"!

I sigh in frustration. I have heard this story so many times, I wish that it now was a different version of this argument. I really do. I feel sorry for Across the street Walls, but what can I do? I too am just a wall. Maybe if he just fell down. No, that would be wrong, what if he hurt someone. What if he got some ghosts to haunt the people, so they would move away, then the new owners would fix him up all brand new and sparkling clean.

"I heard you Wall, I was just waiting to see if you had anything else to say before I replied". I lied. I had enough troubles of my own, and though things are really bad for Across the street Wall, I am exhausted from the constant complaints.

Honestly, you can barely see the front or side walls. There is so much junk scattered and piled all about on the premises that people literally cringe just walking by. They avert their faces and roll their eyes at the neglect and awful decay.

If we walls could talk, Across the street Wall would be using F words twenty four hours of the day and more if he could stretch the hours out some more. Who could blame him. We were both silent again, standing vigilantly, doing our job of standing, watching the world moving and shaking around us.

Suddenly, I heard a slight rumble from next door. Hmmm! I wonder what that could be. Just then a lady and her two dogs trotted up, two huge things that looked more like horses than dogs, dragging her along. Who owned whom, I am unsure. The big black one lifted a leg a let spurt onto Across the street front lawn.

Zip, went a brick.

"What the....? I gasped.

Zip. Zip. Zip. More bricks and a great rumble. One brick bounced off the brown dog, just as he was about to defecate on the side of the road.

The woman grabbed the leashes tighter.

"Oh my gosh"! She yelled. "Come Toto, come Ally". They ran, dragging her behind.

I always wondered why people liked dogs that were so much bigger than they could handle.

Across the street Wall was rumbling a little. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsided. The house looked a little lopsided. A window fell sideways and everything looked to be at dangerous angles. He must have read my mind about falling down. Personally, I would have gone with the ghost story. Less expensive option for sure.

I laughed. You couldn't see it, but I laughed very heartily. Good for old Across the street Wall. They would have to fix it for sure now.

"Bravo, good for you Across the street Wall. It's about time that you did something. I am so proud of you. Bravo"! The walls next door rumbled in reply.

All sorts of vehicles started pulling up next door. One was a moving van. Oh joy! Workmen piled out of another vehicle. The house was evacuated. Electricity turned off, the wires were hanging rater precariously. Some type of contraption was raised against the falling wall.

Across the street Wall was ecstatic. He sang all day in expectation of newness and shininess.

Three months later, the house across the street was now unrecognizable. It was now the most attractive house in the neighborhood. Made me look bad. But, I was happy to be just across the street from my friend, the new Across the street lovely Walls.

The new owners installed something that deterred pets peeing on the walls or lawns. Whatever it was did no harm to people, unfortunately, a few zaps would sure have kept them away. But life was much easier all around. The pets avoided our section of the lawns and walls. I was very happy and contented. Next door walls now sang all the time.

Walls have evolved. Be careful not to 'mess' with us!

Fini!