Kirby Lives

Agent Kirby Reed and her fellow agents David Foley, Melissa Scott and Duane McDaniel are having a drink together after a long day at their office.

“So you’re saying Requels are gonna be all the rave now?” David asks Kirby. “Damn, skippy they are. I mean everyone is doing them now.” Kirby replies confidently. “So what’s the purpose of these “requels” as you so call them, Reed?” Melissa asks. “Well it’s all about making a sequel in the style of a remake.” Kirby began enthusiastically. “You bring in new characters and have them trained by the legacy characters who came before and in the process you give birth to a whole new generation of a franchise.

Kirby’s three compatriots listened on with vivid interest. “Seems like that’s what most old school franchises are doing nowadays.” Melissa acknowledged. “I’ll say. How is it you know so much about film trends, Reed?” Duane asked. “Yeah, I don’t think I know a bigger movie buff than you.” Scott laughed. “Well I grew up a movie buff. Not to mention I was apart of a real life movie murder in action.” Kirby began. Her three cohorts grew silent as they came to a realization of what she just said.

“What are you talking about, Kirby?” Scott asked. Kirby took a shot of her drink before she continued. “I was a survivor of the Woodsboro massacre reboot back in 2010. Some of my friends died and my best friend, Jill Roberts was responsible for the killing spree…along with Charlie Walker, a boy I like-…a boy who had a crush on me.” “Wait a minute.” Melissa began. “Didn’t the killing spree end at your house and everyone thought you were dead?” “Well technically I was dead.” Kirby chuckled. “I was dead for a few minutes actually, but the good doctors of Woodsboro Medical revived me.“

“After surviving I dedicated my life to chasing down monsters like they once chased me. I decided along time ago that I would no longer be a victim and I would instead be a victor. That’s why I joined the FBI…and it’s also why Kirby is still alive.” To that conclusion she raised a glass and the others joined her. “Kirby Lives.” Melissa toasted. “Kirby lives.” Scott and Duane joined in toasting. The quartet then parted ways for the night.

Kirby made her way back to her office to pick up a file she had forgotten when the phone rang as she walked in the door. “Hello.” She began as she answered the phone on her way to her desk. “Hello, Kirby.” The voice on the other end began. Kirby stopped in her tracks when she realized she recognized the voice. “Well well. If it isn’t my old friend Ghostface. Been a long time.” “I’ll say.” Ghostface began. “Last time we met you were bleeding on the other end of a knife, half past dead.”

“What can I say? Those Woodsboro doctors can take you off that flat line at any time of the day.” Kirby remarked sarcastically. “Well I’m sure I can fix that for you.” Ghostface replied. “I’ll make sure to tear your guts out in a way that even the best Requels can’t replace.” Ghostface assured. As Kirby searched her desk and found her gun she paused making note of the voice’s words. “Well aren’t those some familiar words. I can’t help but thinking we already know each other.” Kirby asserted while cocking her gun back and aiming it forward with her phone on speaker. “Maybe we do.” Ghostface began. “Maybe we already know each other just like you’ll know the other end of this knife.

From a door just ten feet away from Kirby someone in a Ghostface costume wielding a knife charged at Kirby. She yelled in determination and attempted to take a shot as the masked assailant knocked both the gun and the phone out of her hand. The costumed figure attempted to stab Kirby as she caught its arm mid air and flipped the Ghostfaced assailant over her desk and ran for her gun. Ghostface stuck its leg out and tripped her before she could get to the gun then quickly dove over her and grabbed the gun first.

Ghostface then held Kirby at gunpoint as she stood still. “Who the hell are you?” Kirby asked. The costumed figure then removed their Ghostface mask and revealed themselves to be Melissa. “Melissa, how could you?” A surprised Kirby asked. “Ask yourself that.” Melissa suggested angrily. “The spot you’re currently in here at the FBI is where I should’ve been, Kirby.” “So you’re trying to kill me because I earned the position you wanna be in?” Kirby asked underwhelmed while lowering her finger to the button under her desk. “Yes.” Melissa said angrily.

“And before I let you take what’s mine I’ll-” before Melissa could finish Kirby pressed the button under her desk triggering the buildings alarm. As Melissa was briefly distracted Kirby snatched the gun out of her hand and kicked her in the gut, knocking Melissa down. Kirby now had the gum pointed at Melissa. “What are you gonna do Reed? Shoot me?” Melissa asked angrily. “Damn skippy.” Kirby began. “Because in the words of the great Sidney Prescott…don’t fuck with the original. “AAAAAHHHHH” Melissa screamed as Kirby shot her in the head killing her instantly. Kirby then stood over Melissa’s body with a sense of pride and thankful to be alive. Kirby lives.

~In loving memory of Hayden Penettiere.