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Just. Don't. Die.

Episode 1: Dreading

By Sati RosePublished 2 years ago 6 min read
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Astryd Pierce age 19 May 26th, 2018

“Do you know what it's like to drown? According to medical science, it is a very painful and horrifying way to die. However, if you ask some people who have experienced drowning it is silent, calm, peaceful, and all of that stupid shit. Well if I am being honest I think both are correct. When you drown the first few seconds are full of your fight response, you thrash, you try to scream, you try to SURVIVE. Despite that, the spirits in the water pull you deeper towards themselves and you’re slowly realizing that there’s no hope and there’s no help. At that moment is where the silence and peace of it all loom over you and that’s when you know it's over. That’s when you know you’re going to die.

Imagine that feeling. Now imagine having to experience the suspending feeling between life and death. That at any moment it can be over. That’s how I feel every day, each moment I just descend closer to my impending expiration. It is fucking tiring and I FUCKING hate it. My life has been plateauing in this state my whole fucking existence and to be very honest I want it all to end. I’ve lasted a long time because of the group I am in, we have a saying; “Just. Don’t. Die.”

I have a feeling it wasn’t always like that for me. I like to think that I was born into a nice family. A family that probably wasn’t wealthy but full of love. On the other hand, Mr. Robert told us that our parents had given us up to the government and that we had no parents essentially but fuck what he says, the thought of a proper family is the only thing keeping me alive in this hellish life.”

The summer heat had coated the atmosphere with barely breathable air and forced many people to stay inside or go to their nearest body of water to cool off. July was the hottest month in Georgia and air conditioners across the state were on full blast, especially on July 13th, 1998. The heat had incapacitated Hazel who was pregnant and due any day now. That morning she woke up at 6:32 am and took a brief walk from her bedroom to the kitchen where she fixed herself a bowl of frosted flakes cereal and headed to the living room to watch some cartoons. This became her routine every morning for the past month and she would usually wake up shortly after her husband who had to get up at 4:30 am Monday- Friday for his work in the Marine corps. This day started pretty normally, Hazel was watching Scooby-Doo when her first contraction came on.

She knew that she and her husband both had a plan when it came to what they would do but something didn’t feel right. Even though this was her first child she knew that something was very wrong. She limped to the phone holding her stomach telling herself that everything was going to be okay. Normally contractions start at a certain point of pain and get worse over time however the starting pain was so unbearable that she felt she was going to pass out at any moment. When Hazel finally got to the phone and dialed 911 she noticed that she was bleeding and began to panic even more.

“Hello 911, what’s your emergency?”

“I’m having a baby and something wrong please get here quickly! My name is Hazel.” she cried out, “ I think I’m going to pass out.”

“Okay, ma’am please remain calm. Can you please tell me the address of your emergency?”

“14.. 144 Greenville Lane… please help.”

“Okay ma’am an ambulance will be with you shortly please stay on the line,” the dispatcher states. “Ma’am?’

The dispatcher continued to call out to her but Hazel had already passed out. After 5 minutes the ambulance arrived and hurried her onto the stretcher. She had lost a good amount of blood and the first responders didn't know how this was going to play out for Hazel or her baby. The hospital was not far from her house but every moment was precious for Hazel and her child. The first responders tried to keep everything stable in the meantime. When they finally got to the hospital she was rushed into her hospital room where the doctors had to perform an emergency c-section. The whole time the only thing she could think about was her baby, even in her unconscious state. Her husband got a call at work and was permitted to leave to see his wife and child during this ordeal. The surgeons were working hard to save Hazel and her baby and her husband got to the hospital right before the baby was delivered. He was asked to stay in the waiting area and even though he protested at first he finally decided to sit and bottle up his fear.

Every moment felt like days and the pit in his stomach grew with every passing moment. Every time a doctor or nurse would walk into the waiting room made him more nervous by the second. The sweat-drenched his forehead and streamed down past his cheeks mixing with his tears. As he was staring at the pure white hospital floor he felt footsteps coming closer toward him. He looked up and saw the dejected look on the nurse’s face.

“I’m sorry sir,” is all she could say as the man screamed out in torment.

After a short time, he was escorted to the room that held his wife and that was supposed to be the scene of happiness and excitement. When he walked in however all he felt was dread and emptiness. His wife had not woken up yet and despite it, all was the only peaceful sight in that room. He pulled up a seat beside her, laid his head on the bed, and silently wept into the baby blue sheets. He avoided even looking at the empty bassinet on the other side of the bed. He sat in silence for a while visualizing the room in their house decorated in brand new baby furniture and toys. The walls were painted pink and decorated with Winnie the Pooh characters. There was a rocking chair in the corner of the room near the window that had the perfect view of the stars in the sky at night and the beautiful dew of the morning. He just thought about how beautiful their home was and how much they were looking forward to the arrival of their daughter. They even picked out a unique name, Astryd, which meant ‘divinely beautiful.’

“Hun..,” the shaky and groggy voice jolted him from his seat. “Where’s the baby?’

He just stared at her. He could not say a word and just stared at her as tears rolled down his face. She began to look around the room hastily and even tried to get up but she could not move.

“No no no,” she whined “No I heard her cry! She is not dead!”

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About the Creator

Sati Rose

I am a 24-year-old student who likes to write in her free time! My life is not great right now but I am going to keep on pushing!

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