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June without Rum, May Without Gin

Chapter 1: A Crack in the Pier

By Grayden McIntyrePublished 2 years ago Updated about a year ago 3 min read
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King Asclepius

Ginette's under a pier. She's chewing on it. The surrounding water is blue as ever, very blobby and close. Blast the summer. She kicks away the tiny humans like clownfishes, eyes bulging as ever. Ginette hated the clownfishes and now she hates the humans that were put there to eat them.

Her shelf was his personal kitchen. Its contents-- two plates, one bowl, five unmatching cups, eight dried frogs, a basket of old fruit, a carton of xanthum, a bag of potatoes, one butter knife, fermented grapes [for science], some old opiates, and an (opossum) hand sculpted chocolate cow. All still remain there, after all this time. Aging. Waiting for him to come and feast another stupid half moon away. Other shelves, ones that were tangibly shelves, were not as organized as this.

Everyone knows that Ginette could now probably survive in only this nook under the pier for a week if she desired to, and if she shat out the window port. Although that might upset the things living in the water.

Maynard walks up the pier now like the classical opossum he is. Here he comes. Ginette hates Maynard, who does not live here anymore. Here he comes, quick as ever.

creak creak ...creeeeak

One of the wooden planks snaps and his leg slips through. He feels that something is in the water. He senses. It's obvious.

"Oh now what's going on around my feet! They are highly frightened!"

Ginette's getting close, but she has some wood to get through before she can reach his foot. She's been plotting this.

"I'm comin' for 'em!"

"Stay away from my feet you cunt!"

"Just stay right there! This wood gonna take some time!"

"Be careful! You might have to take an emergency trip to the dentist again if you don't be careful! I'm not paying for that!"

"I don't owe ye nothin' May! Why don't ya pay an extaminaytor for my hyumins! ...OUCH!"

"SEE? I told you this would happen. You crazy hag."

Ginette's head pops out from under the side of the pier, looking right into Maynard. Some large mangled thing is stuck in her teeth.

"NO! NO! NO! I chomped ‘n all a sudden in da wood I bit dis thang. wot is dis, a fleshy bone?"

"Hm. So there's just a limb sort of dealio embedded in that right there wood?"

"A tasty sprankle for me."

"Don't eat that!"

"I ate lots of thangs now'days, May. Makes me feel goot. I ate what I wont ye can't stop it."

She smashes her teeth with her whole head on the pier until the wodge is loose and she can swallow it down.

"GIN, NO! Don't do that! Have you been eatin' the humans' food, Gin?"

The humans prefer to eat a specific barnacle that grows around this cove. It contains a specific neurotoxin that makes the humans feel light as ever.

This species of barnacle was the first to live in this valley's cove, before the locals put in the starfish to get rid of the hazard, before they put in the jellies to get rid of the starfish, before they put in the sturgeon then the mermaids and the squid and the boars and the shark and the clownfishes and the humans. Now there's a whole swarm of things.

"Oy've been right hungert May! I wouldn't know to ate these if a certain young lad hadn't stayed up in my house all night showin me how! Get off me pier now if you don't bothar! MIE pier, it's you're on!"

He is ravaged and repulsed, looking down at the pier as if to be so foreign to it. He's on her pier.

"...Not for long, Gin!"

Maynard wishes her well, as well as he is pridefully capable of doing, then takes a run to dive off the edge of the pier. He'll spend the rest of the evening swimming off to who knows where, maybe to Troy, looking for someone to take riddance of the humans. He knows better than anyone where to find an exterminator.

Ginette's confused about what's happening. She goes back to munching. Her trap will work next time if she's anything to do with it.

Fantasy
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