Into The Green

Wake Up!

I lurch forward. My breathing is heavy, like I've been running for miles without rest or water. My heart, pounding so fast it feels like it could burst out of my chest. I'm drenched. It feels as if I was being cooked alive, all the water in my body evaporating through my pores. I look over and see a tall glass of water on my nightstand. The glass of water, the one I always make before I head to bed. The iced water sat there, tempting me with it's cold refreshing nature. A cool air of smug delight exuding from its presence. Knowing that at some point I would call upon its talents to release me from this torturous thirst. I jerked the glass from its proper place on the nightstand and began to guzzle it down. The cool clear liquid slid down my esophagus, revitalizing me from the brink of dehydration. I slammed the vacant glass reciprocal on the nightstand. Memories flashing through my mind like police lights but none of it coherent. What was this inexplicable sensation of overarching panic? I sat there staring at the floor in absolute contemplation. My brain, so overwhelmed with unintelligible information that it forgot to do the unconscious things, like blinking or breathing. Out of the corner of my eye, something pulls at my attention, breaking me out of my analytical stupor. An ominous luminous bright green light demands my attention. It peeks just around my door frame as if checking to see if I am awake. Well, I am, so, what is it that you want? I muster up the strength to stand up. I began to walk towards the door, still searching for the light. Why was that damn thing hiding from me? I reach out for the door handle and come to a sudden halt. My dear friend, anxiety, hit me with the equivalent force of a train at full velocity with the brakes broken and his pal, dread, on the back of that train swinging a baseball bat at my head for good measure. Every fiber of my being, screaming, howling at me

"DEATH".

All my instincts desired was for me to close the door, lock it, and retreat back to the bed. But there it is, it still exists, that damn green light, with it's soft tones and melodious voice. Beckoning me, soothing me, coercing me, compelling me. And I, despite all the signs, the warnings, and various other indexations, decided to open the door.

Wake Up!

I lurch forward. My breathing is heavy, like I've been running for miles without rest or water. My heart, pounding so fast it feels like it could burst out of my chest. I'm drenched. It feels as if I was being cooked alive, all the water in my body evaporating through my pores. I look over and see a tall glass of water on my nightstand. The glass of water, the one I always make before I head to bed. It was empty. Wait a minute. I've done this before. Memories flashing through my mind like police lights but none of it is coherent. No no, it's all a bit clearer now. Less nebulous. Out of the corner of my eye, something pulls at my attention, breaking me out of my analytical stupor. An ominous luminous bright green light demands my attention. It peeks just around my door frame as if checking to see if I am awake. I narrow my eyes looking at the green light.

"You!" I subconsciously say in a whispered tone. "You are the reason I keep spiraling like this. No more."

I arise from the illusionary sanctity of my bed, scanning the room for weapons. My eyes rest upon a titanium steel baseball bat. That'll work. I grip the bat with such intensity I could feel the metallic alloy molding to my hands. You won't hide from me little light, I'm not afraid of you anymore. At this moment, I am the hunter that stalks these dark halls. You are the prey. Run in fear or crash against me and be broken. For that is all you can do. I fling open the door, stepping forward into the hallway with undeterrable authority and begin to fall. The floor, opening up to a vast beautifully terrifying abyss. Time passes by me. I can see it. All the times I've been here. Past and future float by me in clouds of multicolored gas as I tumble down this ever-growing void. How many times have I done this? How many times have I expired down here in this awe inspiring sight? Despite falling into this chasm of the unknown, something boldly familiar makes its presence known to me. The incomprehensible, ever-incorrigible, audacious Green Light. It peered at me through the clouds of time, looking more vibrant and verbose than ever before. Teasing me, taunting me, because once again I have been hoodwinked into coming here. To its domain. As I continue to freefall, my eyes lock on to the green light. Just beyond the events’ horizon the light began to shake. It grows wider and wider, and as it elongates it splits into two. The menacing green lights glaring at me as if they were two eyes watching like a stray dog stares at a steak. What is the green light anyway? What is this being that finds such wholehearted enjoyment from torturing me? The green eyes begin shaking wildly. They elongate once more, growing until they form a massive triangle. The triangle breaks into three parts that spin with increasing speeds, almost like turbines until they form three humongous Green Lights. The icy cold scowl beams through my soul. I didn’t consider my amygdala could still produce cortisol, not after such a tormenting string of events, but to my surprise, the fear courses through me with willful abandon. My descent at terminal velocity reduces to a crawl. My body corrects itself into an erect position. My feet plant on what feels almost akin to a glass floor, but upon further inspection it was nothing but the endless void itself in which I found myself atop. I am steadfast in this moment. The three Green lights blink in near unity. I can see them with such clarity. I notice a presence all around me, my instincts kicking me in the base of the skull. Telling me to move. It's now or never. But where!? There is nothing but vast empty nothingness and time refracting clouds for what is likely infinity. Then a realization hit me like a professional boxer gunning for the title. Where are the clouds? What originally were hiding places for the lights to watch me from afar are now gone. Searching for any sign of them I looked everywhere but up. My eyes wander to the green lights above them, then above me. A spider web of iridescent strands connecting the clouds far above my head. The threads dance about in the darkness, tangle, mingling, and splitting above me. And as I follow each string they all coalesce to a singular point. Me, here at this point in time. None of it exists past this point for me. The Alpha and Omega. It all hinges on what I do next in this moment. The presence begins to close in. I can't see it but I know. My body begins to howl "Death" at me once again. Is this it? Is death the only way out? I look at those sickening green eyes. The irreverent look of those lights filling me with anger and defiance.

"No, not again! You will not have me! I refuse to let you win, to let you beat me!"

I dig deep into the pits of my broken soul. I ready myself, stilling my will for what needed to be done. I bite down on my tongue. My inhibitions do their best to stop me. The taste of blood fills my mouth but my inhibitors win. They speak a warning into my adrenaline fuel brain. Something isn't right. For some reason, this moment of reprieve qualms my anxiety and in that moment I surrender to the presence.

Wake Up!

I lurch forward. My breathing is heavy, like I've been running for miles without rest or water. My heart, pounding so fast it feels like it could burst out of my chest. I'm drenched. It feels as if I was being cooked alive, all the water in my body evaporating through my pores. I look over and see an IV, white tiled floors. I hear a beeping sound that matches the pounding bass in my chest. Am I in a hospital? I look down at my body. I was never the biggest person but I look scrawny now. How long was I falling? I look into the nearest draw and find a remote. I turn on the tv in the room. 5 years. I lost 5 years. I bury my head into my hands. I didn't know what to feel. Sadness, anger, relief, joy, they all seemed appropriate and yet somehow not. I suddenly began to feel an excruciating pain in the palm of my hand. I open my eyes in horror. There, burned into the palm of my hand sits three Green lights.