Instant Karma

I sat there staring at the thin cardboard box. What lay inside it was heavy, not in weight but in truth. I breathed over the container wondering if sending it was the right thing to do. My heart knew what the answer was but I was terrified. Terrified of the consequences that opening my heart and my mouth would bring. I had held it all in for so long. Suffered in silence, alone, for way too long. I ran my thumbs up and down the surface of the box, it was truly beautiful, what lay inside there. Unfortunately, not everybody would believe so. I carefully laid the box down on my bed, closing my eyes momentarily, I breathed in a deep silent prayer, for courage and protection.

I had tried to figure out a way to do it anonymously but my brain wouldn't work that way. No, the karmic score had to be settled, not just for me, but for all women around the world, who had been betrayed at the hands of blatant unconsciousness.

She had walked into my coffee shop completely oblivious to anything around her. Making a big fuss and a big noise about essentially everything. Poised and perfect in her look, you could tell she had been running from something and that that something had been herself for decades now. Her make-up caked and creased in the places where she was aging and her curled and hair sprayed coiffure, thinning at the temples. She was a mess, in my book anyway.

I took her order, negating eye contact or small talk, as this was just the type of woman I had a hard time stomaching. The kind of woman who cares about everything but doesn't really care about anything at all, except for the way she looks to the outside world. Smelling her over-powering artificial scent was enough to send me over the edge into verbal disrespect, however, I knew that verbally accosting her would benefit no one, including me. I kept my focus on the music playing in the background and my breath, as I rang up and made her order to go.

I never thought in a million years that this type of woman would hold the power to destroy something so dear to me.

And now it was my turn, to destroy her.

I hadn't known that she had been a part of his life. I had been completely in the dark and had only known the two of us for so long. My trust and faith in our bond had never waivered, we had always been tight-knit, or so I believed. So when he disappeared, without any communication or warning, after 10 years of best friend bliss...I died for a while.

You never know when you are going to lose someone, to death or otherwise. However, to be lied to and left, with no explanation or contact. No anything. Just all of a sudden, out of the blue, here one day and gone the next, never to be seen nor heard from again, after 10 years...the experience left my heart near obsolete and cold, and my brain bewildered. I didn't know that people did this to people they supposedly loved and couldn't live without.

It has been three years since the last time I spoke with him. From what I hear, they are happy and hurridly living the married life, living the dream, supposedly.

I closed up shop and have been lying on my floor mostly, for the greater part of three years. My tears have dried, however, there is still a cold resentment sitting in the place where my heart should be and a right of passage, that I believe, for total healing, needs to take place.

The contents of my box, which are undeniably true and disheartening, will tear her world apart and will annihilate his as well. Now that I've taken my power back, I see no reason, to allow these two, to continue on in the delusional courtship they've created on the back of somebody else's nightmarish betrayal. They will pay, and I for one, am truly ready for the mess of their explosion, to be trailed out into the open, for everyone to see. It will be a pretty little mess. Her in a rage of tears and him, scrambling, trying to fix it and failing miserably.

She walked in on something sacred, consciously or not, never thinking to observe her surroundings first nor ask any questions. It was her way to make an astonishing amount of ruckus, to point to the things that she wanted, and to take them, without care for anyone else around her...that type of unconsciousness, that type of selfishness, deserved to be woken up and woken up abruptly.

He, on the other hand, will continue to circle in this loop of superficiality, dishonesty, and destruction, until he can take no more of its consequences or until he dies within the loop. Lessons aren't always easily grasped.

As I pick up the package to take it to delivery, I feel a very real sense of calm and sureness over what I'm about to do. No longer will I turn the other cheek and let inhumane behavior just slide. Instant karma is my name and it feels so good to be back among the living.