In a Sea of People

Going to university in Hawaii, you would think there are more parties. It’s more of a rarity and a glass ceiling. A clique you have to be born into.

But somehow by some college spirit miracle, I got invited by you. You were a mirage, an oasis in a sea of players.

You were my platonic soulmate. My match in all parts, your yin to my yang. Everything about our friendship was unexpected. One could expect the two transplants to know one another. Like most of our friendship, it was inexplainable. We were on opposite sides of the campus. I was a loner. You were a sporty social butterfly. Somehow we took the same class and you invited everyone and so I went. In a crowd of people, I was lost and floundering.

Enter you.

I was here at this party by coincidence. I wasn’t a party person. I left myself no time for social interactions. I was all study. I came to the University for marine biology. I was determined to leave there as the best marine biologist who was ever known. You were there on an athletic scholarship, of some kind. I still have no idea what sport you play. Something with a ball and goal, I’m almost positive.

But I was there. And you were at the center of it. The island.

Where there were pretty glittery drinks and so much alcohol, some various chips and somehow pizza that was already cold. The party had just started and you were still at the epicenter of it all. The people, music blasting, low lighting and giving me no way to find anyone ends having over and lost the only friend I had brought to the party I was wondering looking around bewildered.

If there is nothing else I know about you, there is this, you always find the wallflower.

That’s what I was the wallflower. You were enamored by my spirit, so you said. You felt a connection between us. I fell for your bullshit, because you put on the charm for anyone who will listen. Which I have learned is your gift and curse.

How lovely you were. You had tinsel in your hair and brown eyes that felt like home and skin sparkling in the lights. You and your weird mesh party outfit that you wear so frequently was intriguing.

How could I be anything but obsessed with you. However as most things go, I was as obsessed with you as everyone is obsessed with you. Fortunately for me, I was just on the other side of awkward. I was a mystery. I was studious and quiet and lended to the mystery of me as you said. What else would you think except for to get to know me.

The first question you asked me, looking into my eyes. “Do you want to go outside and look at the stars?”

We were at a party. So of course I said yes. I was never going to be comfortable at this party. Everywhere was your element. But outside was mine.

The house was close to the beach and I ran for the water. And you looked at the sky twirling, stumbling around.

Whenever I remember this, I always tell you how I thought you were inebriated out of your mind. You always tell me that you have never been more sober in your entire life.

I wonder how true that was.

You have always given life to everything around you. In that moment you were a glittering stone in the middle of this wasteland that we call the world. So many people were as bright and bold as you, would have left me to be on the sidelines. You would never do that.

You would never leave someone on an island alone. The wallflower may think themselves unknowable and untouchable. They may think themselves an island. Solitary out in the sea. You have always been there. A boat taking refuge on lonely beaches.

You would be the voice of reassurance. You’d be the shoulder to cry on. You’d always be the one to listen to the crash of the waves.

When I wasn’t looking for someone to see me, you saw me.

I’m glad.