I Wish I Were Aquaman

The circle of candles burned intensely blue as Rachel recited the chant from her book. A flash of white light shot out from the chalk sigil on the floor, and the flames suddenly extinguished.

Rachel's eyes fluttered in the darkness. She could just make out a figure standing in the circle.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Turn on the light, will you?" A bored voice replied. "I don't know why you humans always insist on doing this at night with no lamp on. You live in a golden age of electricity and you're still fumbling around with candles. For what, the aesthetic?"

Rachel flipped on the switch to the overhead light and examined the entity in her summoning circle. It looked human. It was about her height, with a slender feminine physique, pale skin, and waist-long honey blonde hair.

"You're Ishgontis the Great?" Rachel asked.

"I prefer Ishgontis the Magnificent, Darling. Ze/zim pronouns. And you are?"

"Rachel Bronwyn," Rachel answered. "Um. She/her."

Ishgontis rested a hand on zis hip. "Now that we're friends, how about letting me out of here? All you have to do is wipe off a bit of this chalk and break the sigil."

Rachel held up her book triumphantly. "It says you would say that," she said. "It says that if I release you before we make a pact, you'll torment me."

"And what do you expect me to do if you coerce me into a pact?" Ishgontis asked.

Rachel re-read the spell. "It says…" She hesitated. "It just says how to make the pact."

Ishgontis rolled zis eyes. "Very well. Who am I to argue with Deemons ande Faire Folke: A Compendium, by Friar Anthony de Barbary?" Ze made a flourishing gesture with zis hand and conjured up a sheet of vellum and a white quill. "I'll take a solemn oath to grant you one wish upon my release from your sigil."

Rachel laughed. "Brendan Fraser got seven wishes in Bedazzled."

"Much as I love obscure filmography from the early aughts, I am not held to its rules."

Rachel tried to maintain eye contact and stand her ground. There was something uncanny and blank in Ishgontis's gaze. Rachel looked away, but she said, "Five."

Ishgontis sat down. "I may as well make myself comfortable here if you refuse to be reasonable."

"Three, and that's my final offer," Rachel told zim. "That's the standard genie-in-the-lamp, monkey paw, fairy tale number for wishes."

Ishgontis gave Rachel a hard look. Then ze gestured at the quill, which magically scribbled out a contract on the vellum.

"It's pretty standard, really," Ishgontis said as zis quill worked. "Three wishes, granted upon my release from the sigil. The contract binds me from seeking revenge against you after the completion of the wishes; and it binds you from making any wishes that cross my personal boundaries."

The quill finished. Ishgontis signed the contract, then held it up to the invisible barrier at the edge of the sigil for Rachel to read.

She took her time with it. "'No hurting children.' That needs to be said?"

"The people who summon me aren't always the conscientious sort," Ishgontis said. "I mostly meet clergy members of very strict orders."

"Ah," Rachel said. She read on. "'Wishes must not contribute to an increase in greenhouse gas emissions.'"

"You have the Paris Accord," Ishgontis explained. "We have the Plutus Accord."

Rachel re-read the contract two more times to ensure she understood it all. "All right," she said. "I'm ready."

Ishgontis offered Rachel the quill, but the invisible barrier remained between them.

"Nice try," Rachel said.

"It works more than you'd think," ze replied.

Rachel took a pen from her desk and signed the vellum through the barrier. The ink seemed to take.

Anxiety twinged Rachel's chest. But, she was in it now. She smudged the sigil with her foot.

Ishgontis issued a deep, menacing laugh. Ze expanded into a purple fog, filling the room and sending shivers of fear down Rachel's spine. Had the contract not worked? Did it not protect Rachel from some sort of attack?

"Are you trying to make me waste my first wish on having you not frighten me?" Rachel asked.

The laughter instantly changed tenor from intimidation to amusement. Ishgontis contracted back down to zis humanoid form. "You're fun. I like you. What's your first wish, Rachel, Darling?"

"I always wanted superpowers," Rachel answered. "So, I wish to turn invisible."

"Classic!" Ishgontis proclaimed. "I love it. Let's do this." Ze snapped zis fingers.

In the blink of an eye, Rachel found herself standing in front of a room of seated, black-clad people. She recognized every face--her family members, friends, coworkers, and even old schoolmates. Everyone wore a solemn facial expression. Her mother looked especially distant and stone-faced; her father wept quietly.

"We never truly lose the ones we love," a voice said behind her.

Rachel whipped around. Pastor Adam, who led the church her parents attended, stood in front of an open casket.

"The joy Rachel brought to our lives will always be a part of us. Her accomplishments will have always inspired us. Her generosity…"

Pastor Adam continued to list virtues and attribute them to Rachel. She stepped around him to examine the body in the casket. It was, of course, her own.

Rachel approached her parents and waved her hands in front of their faces. "Mom. Dad. I'm right here. "

They did not respond. Their attention was still on Pastor Adam.

Rachel spotted Ishgontis in the back row of mourners, wearing a lacy black dress and dabbing zis eyes performatively with a white handkerchief.

"I'm dead?" Rachel asked.

"You're invisible," Ishgontis answered. "Also, inaudible and intangible. And!" ze paused for dramatic effect. "You're welcome."

"I wanted a superpower!" Rachel snapped. "I wanted to be able to turn invisible, and visible again, at will!"

"I know, Darling, but that isn't what you wished for. You simply wished to turn invisible."

"You knew what I meant!"

Ishgontis grinned. "You referenced fairy tales, 'The Monkey's Paw,' djinn, and the best Elizabeth Hurley film in existence. If you can't figure out how our pact works, it is not my fault."

Rachel glared.

Ishgontis continued to grin.

Rachel said, "I wish I, in my living body, had the superpowers of Aquaman."

Ishgontis's smile vanished. "Aquaman?"

"He can breathe underwater," Rachel explained. "Communicate with sea life, super strength, endurance--"

"I know who Aquaman is," Ishgontis said. "I was mocking your choice. Of all the superhero teams in all media, you choose Justice League? And out of them, you choose Aquaman?"

"I want to be able to talk with dolphins!" Rachel winced, aware of how shrill her voice was getting. "I think they're majestic."

Ishgontis gave her a severe look. "You could have been Captain Marvel." Ze snapped zis fingers.

Screaming surrounded Rachel. Her perception filled entirely with a chaos of fins and scales. Bass pleaded for help. They splashed and struggled against the closing net.

"Get away!"

"Swim!"

"Danger!"

"Help!"

"Stuck!"

With super strength, Rachel should have no trouble at all tearing the net open--but in order to reach it, she had to push against the fragile, protesting fish who wailed in pain when she pressed against them.

The net hoisted them all out of the water.

"Cold!"

"Help!"

"Can't breathe!"

Rachel's struggling companions gasped and groaned, wriggling desperately. The net swung them over the bow of a ship. One side of it released.

Rachel and most of the fish hit the deck with a wet thud. Some bass and a huge, thrashing shark remained tangled in the netting.

"Get out get out get out!" the shark bellowed as he twisted in the net.

"I can help you," Rachel told it. She rose to her feet but slipped and fell back to the deck.

"What the--?!" This voice was human. A fisherman with a curly red beard gaped at her. "What were you doing in the net?"

Rachel pointed at the shark. "What is he doing in the net? You aren't supposed to catch those!"

"We weren't trying for it," the fisherman shrugged.

"Get him out!" Rachel demanded.

"Lady. That's a bull shark. Maybe 250 or 275 pounds. I'm not going anywhere near it."

"Rip! Destroy!" the shark yelled.

"I can help you!" Rachel insisted. She struggled to her feet, grabbed the fisherman's pocket knife, and attempted to climb the net despite the shark's violent movements.

"Don't touch me!" the shark menaced. "If you touch me I will shred you to pieces!"

"Calm down," Rachel said in what she hoped was a soothing tone. "I'm here to set you free."

"Rip! Destroy! Get out get out!"

It was a long, grueling process. Rachel cut her fingers more than once as she fumbled with the knife. Each time, the shark seemed to shake and thrash with fresh rage.

"Need food! Need to breathe!" the shark yelled.

Eventually the strength and frequency of its movements seemed to fade. The bass on the deck fell completely silent. The fisherman and his colleagues packed them away in ice.

"Need…" The shark groaned, "Breathe…"

He fell still.

With a few more cuts, Rachel freed the shark from the net. They both fell, slapping the wet deck hard with their bodies. Rachel heaved and managed to shove the shark over the side, back into the water.

It floated idly at the top.

Rachel turned to the bearded fisherman. "What did you do?" she demanded. "You killed that shark! He got stuck in your net and he asphyxiated while you just let him dangle there!"

"Hey!" the fisherman scowled.

"Back off," said his colleague. No; it was Ishgontis wearing the same gear as the fisherman. "Steve here has four kids to feed, and a sick mother. He's doing his job to provide for them all."

"It's you!" This time, Rachel didn't care if her voice became shrill. Her anger was justified and she had every right to express it. "You trapped me in that net! All this death is your fault!"

"I didn't invent the commercial fishing industry, Darling," Ishgontis smiled. "I simply granted your wish. You have all the superpowers of Aquaman."

"You're evil," Rachel said.

"What?" ze laughed. "An eldritch entity you summoned by an arcane ritual is 'evil?' Really?"

"I wish I'd never met you."

"Done." Ishgontis snapped zis fingers.

The circle of candles burned intensely blue as Rachel recited the chant from her book. A flash of white light shot out from the chalk sigil on the floor, and the flames suddenly extinguished.

Rachel's eyes fluttered in the wake of the flash and adjusted to the lamplight. A humanoid figure stood on the sigil. It was about her height, with a slender feminine physique, pale skin, and waist-long honey blond hair.

"Hello?" Rachel asked. "Are you Ishgontis the Great?"

Ze replied with a smile, "I prefer Ishgontis the Magnificent, Darling."