I Wear A Size Ten...

The following microfiction piece that I wrote entitled, "I Wear A Size Ten" was inspired by popular visual artist Annie Lee's vibrant 1990 painting below called 8 1/2 Narrow. I enjoy the painting immensely because it keeps it real and is so stylistically fun and relatable. The painting depicts a beautifully dressed African-American woman who has removed her heels to relieve her aching feet. Most high-heeled shoe wearers have done this at some point along their high-heeled shoe wearing journey. I remember doing so during homecoming in high school. My night magically became better once I ditched my heels. Lol 😂

"I Wear A Size Ten" by Tiffany Gordon

My car won't be ready until tomorrow morning, so I'm having to go to my go-see by bus. A brand-new vintage clothing brand called Retrospect is looking for the face of their new 50s-inspired ad campaign. My agent Stella encouraged me to apply. She believes that they need more middle-aged baddies in the game.

This morning, via FedEx, Stella sent me a form fitting white dress with red polka dots, a pair of dove-white heels, a black pair of thigh-high stockings, a corset, and a white hat (from Retrospect's most recent collection) to wear to my go-see this afternoon.

Unfortunately, the moment that I put the dress on, I felt like a Jessica-Rabbit-Try-Hard since it shows off every curve.

And don't even ask me about the heels. They just so happen to be two sizes too small. Stella knows that I wear a size 10 wide shoe; why send an 8 1/2 narrow? A yellow sticky note attached to the shoes in question soon answered my question.

The note read: Sorry, babe! All of Retrospect's white pumps were sold out except for the 8 and 1/2's!

WOW, Stella! The go-see is in 40 minutes. It's too late to buy a new pair of white shoes!

Great! My feet are going to look like two overbaked, brown muffin tops stuffed into two miniature canoes attached to a wobbly pair of stilts.

And these pantyhose could have been nixed. They are a bit excessive for a summer day. I could have just put on some Shea Butter and called it a day.

It's approximately 99 degrees outside. I know better than to wear these stockings into town in this heat. They will have my feet smelling like they just devoured a bag of corn chips and washed it down with vinegar beer. The odor alone will ensure that I won't be hired. Like Hall and Oates said, "I can't go for that, no no!" lol 🤣 I'm out of Shea Butter right now, so I guess I'll be sporting the hose. Hopefully, there won't be many people on the bus with me. I don't want anyone to pass out from the toxic fumes potentially coming from my feet.

And y'all don't let me get started on this corset that dear Stella insisted that I wear.

I told her that kangaroo pouches were in, but I lost that debate, and here I sit with this cherry-red corset on. This thing is so tight that if I sneeze too hard, my appendix will burst, and chile I can't afford another medical bill right now. I already have a crown that needs fixing.

On a positive note, Stella did well with one item, y'all. The bright spot of this entire ensemble is the dainty white pillbox hat that Stella sent. I feel like a president's wife in it.

Forgive me for all of this complaining, y'all. The heat is making me onery.

Alright, my little narrow 8 & 1/2 terrors, this is your last call/final opportunity to show me what you got. If I don't have gangrene by the time I make it home tonight from my go-see, I will keep you. Okay?