I No Longer Want This Job...

The following microfiction piece called I No Longer Want This Job was inspired by the fantabulous Annie Lee painting above titled 5th Grade Substitute.

I No Longer Want This Job by Tiffany Gordon

Hey y'all, my modeling gigs have recently begun to dry up, so I have had to take up substitute teaching, and boy was that a mistake. I thought that I could kick back a bit before lunch and perhaps have some additional study time for the bar exam that I will be sitting for soon while the students did their work, but unfortunately my free time was non-existent today as I was tasked with babysitting Rosemary's babies the entire day. 

These little ratchet, glow-in-the-dark, rugrat-gremlins have no home training. They actually have me wanting to put myself in the corner for accepting this position!

Listen to how my day went. Before class started, I found Hopper's (the class rabbit's) poo in my coffee when I went to drink it, and I ended up spitting it out and directly down the front of my favorite white blouse. Then, about an hour later, when I stood up to do roll call, I soon realized that my favorite blue ink pen and my roll call sheet had been sprinkled with itching powder. Itching powder that immediately caused me to itch uncontrollably and to have a proper asthma attack. 

Fortunately, a student sitting up front was kind enough to help me over to my desk and matching chair so that I could sit down to take the rescue inhaler that I keep in the top drawer of my desk. The only catch is that there were fifteen brass tacks (points up) on my chair mischievously waiting to greet me when I sat down. 

Then, when I reached in the drawer for my inhaler, I found a giant deceased mouse staring back at me blankly.

Aww... Rest in peace, Mickey... 😢 I wish you could come back down from heaven and take over substitute teaching for me!

As you can probably guess by the way that things have gone thus far, the morning reading hour was no better. Whenever I asked a student to read aloud individually, he or she would read only one sentence, then belch loudly and refuse to continue.

Fortunately, I received a hail Mary during lunchtime when the class tattletale Chet Rainey informed me that Stacy Mosley, Amber Devereaux, Shannon Moss, and Charlie Grace were the ringleaders behind each prank.

The final surprise of the day came at approximately 2:05pm, which was five minutes before the school day ended, when each student minus Chet Rainey politely stood up, got in line by the door, and then individually walked up to my desk and handed me a Valentine's Day card and sweetly said aloud, "Happy Valentine's Day, Miss Kay!" which I thought was sweet yet very odd since it was actually St. Patty's Day. 

Truth be told, all of the class's rotten antics had actually made it feel more like it was Oct 31st than St. Patrick's Day, but it was nice to see the class behaving so well no matter the occasion.

Y'all, I am sad to report that the class's sweetness was short-lived. I received an unexpected surprise when I opened all twenty of my Valentine cards that night at home. The front of each card read, "Happy Valentine's Day! There is no one like you!" in shiny, red, cursive letters, while the inside of each card read, in the same handwritten 5th grade chicken scratch, "It has been three days now; you suck, Miss Lame! Your excessive division homework and reading challenges are nothing but bad luck for us kids! We want Miss Charles back!"

WOW! Not them using the vocabulary word "excessive" that I taught them to roast me! Lol

Welp, I have had enough tomfoolery for a lifetime. I no longer want this job! My momma didn't raise no fool; I quit. They can get someone else to teach The Children Of The Corn! 🤣

Thx for stopping by!

Much Love,

Tiffa Go 🌸