I'm Not The Bride He Wants

I feel pathetic every time I think about it myself, so I can’t imagine what other people must think of me, especially Blake and Mr. and Mrs. Cadden, oh god, and Samantha. Sike, who am I kidding, I have way too much pride to care what she thinks about me. But even after everything that’s happened, I can just imagine the smirk on her face when they finally announced that the wedding had been called off.

I know Blake hates me. He’s probably beating himself-up, wondering what he did, to make me run at the last minute. He is such a great guy and sometimes I’d regretted prying him from Sam’s all too loving arms. But once I did, the satisfaction I got was all too consuming and somehow possessing what was once hers became my life’s mission.

Let me catch you up on the story of what is, currently my life.

My name is Tammie Faye Richardson. The only child and daughter of the prominent Judge Frank S. Richardson and the late Rose Allen-Richardson, who died from a rare brain cancer when I was only six.

That’s when I began my transition from being daddy’s little girl to the ever so ungrateful pain in his *ss. I’d become the wild child from h*ll when I got into middle school and it continued until, well, today I suppose.

My father, being a well-known judge in Georgia since before I can even remember, has gone through his fair share of ladies, if you can even call them that. He likes to get into flings with women that, let’s just say, aren’t the housewife type.

Yesterday was supposed to be my wedding day. And it was most definitely the beautiful winter-esque wedding I’d always dreamed of. I mean it was a fairytale wedding most girls fantasize about.

The lobby had been immaculately decorated. The décor would most certainly take your breath away, flickering white candles and red rose petals covered the tables throughout the building. There were vases filled with an ungodly amount of long-stemmed red roses as centerpieces. Blake and I’s engagement photos were plastered all over the lobby walls, to rub me winning in Samantha’s face of course. I went out of my way to make sure that if she in fact came to the wedding, it would no doubt be soul crushing for her.

So, why did I say was supposed to? And why would I not show up to my dream wedding that I’d spent seven months planning, to marry the most handsome, kind and genuinely sexy guy you’d ever meet.

Well, for you to understand that you’d have to know the story of how it all began.

Back in college my sophomore year, I was being true to my party girl calling and as I sat drinking with a few football players, I laid eyes on Blake Cadden. He was hands down the sexiest guy on campus and he’d been the playmaker of the night, winning us our homecoming game. He was handsome, cute, and sexy but it was his humility that drew me to him.

Even with everyone rooting and cheering him on, he just smiled and hung back, like it was just another day. Blake didn’t let all the hype get to his head and he most certainly didn’t seem like a player. Matter of fact, he’d been discretely dismissing every girl that approached him throughout the night.

It wasn’t until I caught him making eyes with the same girl, I’d seen him on campus with a few times that I realized he was practically in love. I sat watching as they appeared to be sending each other messages, then suddenly they separately left one after the other. It was at that moment that I felt compelled to have Blake Cadden for myself. The way he looked at her, it was electric, sweet, and nauseating all at the same time.

Every time I saw Blake, he was with her, Samantha, that was her name. I soon found out that Samantha Monroe would never be my friend or ally, she was the opposition, my one and only adversary.

I threw myself at Blake every chance I got. Whispering naughty promises of my intentions to congratulate him on a great game or begging him to show me what was underneath his uniform. All of which went unanswered.

It wasn’t until over a year later, that I’d finally gotten Blake alone behind closed doors. Brandon, his best friend, and roommate had let me into their apartment, and I’d found him in his room laying down on his bed, which was perfect for what I had in mind. Closing the door behind me, I sat down next to him, on his bed and proceeded to make good on one of my many promises.

Blake once again attempted to reject my gift, that was until I was fully engaged in demonstrating my technique. Soon, he was powerless to deny me access, and I was delighted to hear him moan in satisfaction. The thought that I was pleasing him in a way that he’d only allowed her to, and he was enjoying it, motivated me to take him to that point and lay claim to what was once hers. I was trespassing and I liked it.

As I continued to relish in Blakes groans of pleasure that I was causing, I could hear a slight commotion coming from the other side of his door. I could tell he was approaching the point of no return and I was fully committed to getting him there.

The moment his bedroom door swung open, I glanced up, continuing my handiwork, of course, and it was like I could physically see Samantha’s heart fall to the floor and shatter into a million pieces. I had taken something from her, and I had never felt so alive, so powerful and so accomplished in my entire life. There had been an invasion, and I was winning.

Of course, she stormed off and completely ruined our jaunt. Blake jumped up but once he realized he couldn’t just run out of the room after her, in full salute, he leaned against the door. After offering to finish what I’d so eloquently started, I sat down on his bed.

It was weeks before Samantha even spoke to him again and I of course was there to comfort his misguided heart.

After graduation, Blake and I split up for almost a year. We’d been on again, off again since junior year. I knew that he cared about me, but it wasn’t even close to the love he had for Samantha. She still held a nasty grudge from the incident where she’d caught me pleasuring Blake, but I didn’t let it bother me too much because I knew as long as she hated me, I was winning!

In the time Blake and I were on our break, I met Nik. He was the absolute opposite of Blake. I mean, he was tall, dark, and handsome but he was from the streets. He’d graduated high school and started working a warehouse job during the day and by night, he was a private pharmaceutical supplier. Since his dad had gone to prison, he had taken over the family business.

My dad didn’t approve of Nik and that made him even more attractive. Nik didn’t care for my dad and that probably had something to do with his position in the legal system. I never understood the hype with dating a guy your parents didn’t like, until I experienced it. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last long.

Being with Nik made me feel even more alive than the thrill I’d gotten when I was with Blake. I’m pretty sure the endless supply of uppers and downers that Nik was gracious enough to provide me with played a pretty significant part.

After six months with Nik, my dad had had enough and after calling in a few favors, he’d gotten Nik busted and threw me in rehab for a month.

Once I’d gotten out of rehab, Nik was still in jail and all I had to fall back on was my dad. I was semi-fresh out of college with a bachelor's degree in psychology and no prospects. Ironic enough, I took a counseling job at the same facility I’d spent the last month in.

After a long night of club hopping, my girls and I ran into Blake, Brandon, and a few other guys. I was intoxicatingly enthusiastic to see Blake, he was like coming home out of a rainstorm. I was wet, weary, and in need of solace. After that night, I was once again chasing that feeling of euphoria that I’d gotten from breaking Samantha’s heart.

Blake and I had been back together off and on for almost a year, the night I committed to being a fool. He and his dad had spent the day out on the lake, which was a pretty big thing because Mr. Cadden was a well-known high risk OBGYN and rarely had a whole day to spend with his only son.

While Blake was in the shower, I went to put his clothes in the hamper, when a ring fell out. It was a gorgeous solitaire with baguettes on the side set in platinum. I could tell it held some significance because it wasn’t in a box or anything. I figured his dad had probably given it to him while they were together earlier in the day.

Being the true *ss that I am, when I heard the shower turn off, I slid the ring on my finger then turning around to face Blake as he was getting out of the shower, I held up my hand and said

Yes!

He looked mortified for a split second, then after a mini heart attack, he forced a smile and asked me how I’d found the ring. Being the perfect gentleman, he didn’t have the heart to break mine, so he once again allowed me to show him my appreciation. I’m sure he was picturing Samantha the entire time, but it was only fair because I was picturing Nik.

They say if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with. And that night Blake and I had a wordless agreement to do just that, with my presumed proposal. I knew he wasn’t in love with me, h*ll half the time, he probably couldn’t stand to look at me. But I was willing to overlook his infatuation with Samantha.

Considering she could barely stand being in the same room with him, she posed no threat to me. I even had my own little pen pal thing going on with Nik. We would write to each other like once a week and I’d gotten a P.O Box just for that. I knew he was lonely, so I gave him something to think about while he was away. At first, he was angry with me because he knew my dad had something to do with him getting locked up, but it didn’t take long for him to get past it once I started putting money on his commissary.

With our engagement announcement out the way, I started planning the wedding, with daddy’s credit card. Good thing he was in between girlfriends, or else I wouldn’t have been so lucky. Let’s just say daddy kept his ladies happy.

It didn’t take long for me to fall in love with the idea of planning a wedding. Mr. Cadden was less than pleased for his son to be marrying me, so he held no objection to my dad agreeing to cover the majority of the cost. I still only saw him a few times, one night at a family dinner and then at our rehearsal brunch. Camile Cadden, Blake’s mom, was the sweetest woman in the world and Mr. Cadden was crazy about her, they were madly in love, even after over forty years together. I’d hoped to share a love like that with someone one day. But deep down, I knew it wouldn’t be Blake.

Blake hadn’t really been involved in the wedding planning at all, he just showed up when I asked him to, gave me a few people to add to the guest list and provided a few groomsmen. Why he invited Samantha and her best friend, I’ll never know. Maybe he was hoping she’d object to our union, like she’d done a million times in the past.

The day before the wedding, we had an afternoon rehearsal brunch, and that night was our bachelor and bachelorette parties. Like I said previously, I’d planned a beautiful winter esque wedding, just a few days before Christmas. The colors were red and white with gold accents, and it was the fairytale wedding of the century.

I had become so wrapped up in planning the wedding and the thoughts of how much it would shatter any future Blake had with Samantha, that I’d completely forgotten about Nik and to check my P.O. Box.

The night of my bachelorette party, I got a call from a strange number and when I answered, it was Nik. I wondered outside to take the call. Nik had gotten out early and wanted me to meet him. Without a second thought, I jumped in my car and never looked back.

I mean yeah, I thought about what I was doing as we sat on the plane that night, but there was no way in h*ll I was about to marry Blake, a man that was completely in love with another woman. Knowing that she would always be the love of his life.

I was clearly in love with Nik, and he could’ve been my chance at a love like the one Mr. and Mrs. Cadden shared. But if I’d become the newest Mrs. Cadden, I would never have the chance to decipher it.

I emptied out my bank account and Nik and I caught the red eye to Honolulu. The first night we were there, it was magical. I booked us a suite right off of the ocean. I couldn’t tell if it was from him being pent up or he just really missed me, but Nik’s attention to detail was impeccable. I slept like a baby in his arms that night.

But early this morning Nik disappeared for the entire day and when he finally came back to the room, he had a bunch of bags with him and seemed angry. I questioned him about disappearing and that made him furious. He smacked me so hard, I went flying across the room. I’d landed face down on the bed and as the pain radiated through my head, tears filled my eyes and I just laid there. Nik didn’t approach me, thankfully! He just stood there for a minute then after a while, I heard the shower turn on.

As I laid on the bed, my cheek on fire, a sentence from Nik’s first letter came crashing back to my mind

I don’t care how long it takes,

I’m gonna see to it that

you and the judge pay for f*ck*ng with me!

That’s when I realized that this wasn’t love at all, it was my introduction into his revenge plot!

Step one must have been making sure I didn’t get married. Sure, I wasn’t in love with Blake but ditching him at the altar was cruel, he didn’t deserve that. He hadn’t deserved for me to stand in the way of his happiness all these years either. It had taken becoming a victim for me to realize that Samantha and Blake had been a victim of my malicious obsession to keep them apart for years. I wasn’t the bride he wanted, and I never should have schemed my way into his life, now my life may very well be in danger.