I Heard That

This is the time of year everyone acts all friendly and happy to see each other. People I haven’t seen for a year show up at my door bearing food and presents. They are all smiles and hugs. It’s all for show. Why are they never around the rest of the year? If they cared that much, I would think they would come around more often instead of waiting until the official, it’s time to be nice to each other, time of year.

What these fake friends and vanishing relatives don’t realize is I see and hear everything that happens in this house. A perfect example is the time Auntie Eloise and her lot rang the doorbell all smiles and handed out gift cards to everyone. She was so friendly until she thought only her friends were around, then she let her true nature come out.

“Look at this place! I don’t think the furniture has been changed since they moved in. And those curtains don’t match anything in this room. I don’t know how my brother puts up with her total lack of style.”

Naturally, her cadre of sycophants all nod in agreement until her sister-in-law returns and then it’s back to being the friendly relative. I strut past the lot, acting as though they don’t even exist. It’s time to head out to the garage. Maybe the men are less twofaced. I will give the guys credit, they are less behind the back with their criticisms.

“Damn, Andy, do you think you can find room for any more stuff in here? I’m surprised the car still fits.”

Andy offers a halfhearted smile to his brother-in-law and replies, “You have no grounds to criticize. I’ve seen your garage remember, and when was the last time that car of yours has gotten a bath?”

The other cousins join in, and it becomes a semi good-natured garage bashing. Two men thinking they’re out of earshot express their true feelings. “If I had a place this nice, I wouldn’t let it go to shit like Andy has. What a loser.” I heard every word!

The men are no better than the women. It’s all one big show, but it doesn’t matter. They will leave in a couple of hours secure in the knowledge that how they actually feel about their relatives will remain a secret, but I know.

Who am I? My name is Furball, the family cat. They are all lucky I am unable to speak. If I could, there would be no secrets because I see and hear everything. Instead, I simply ignore them all.