I am Bexley chap 37 the Bloodletters Scourge

“Indy, listen, I know this is hard. Shit, girl, I can’t.. I don’t think I can handle this much longer. All the death and suffering. But I…” Emma is talking privately to India for a few minutes. I turn to Cara, brushing some stray hair off her face. She smiles at me, but I can see in her eyes a terror and fear that I feel too.

India holds Emma tightly, telling her she’ll protect her no matter what. That this world is fucked up. But they will always have each other. I feel bad for paying so much attention to their private couple conversation but I need to focus on something that makes sense otherwise I’ll explode.

My heart is gripping inside of my ribcage slithering tenderly and aching like a slimy parasite, and I can’t move right now. I think there are tears that are moving down my face, but honestly… I don’t feel anything right now. Even the wind seems to blow past me. I know we need to get moving again but I don’t think I can make my body move even an inch right now.

The sleepy, bloody afternoon that we all endured has turned into a strange, windy sort of early evening. I hold onto my girlfriend’s hand, Cara. I keep thinking about that Bloodletter that slammed into that oak tree so hard that even now, it’s still trembling and shaking. Or maybe, that’s me.

“I know what you’re saying, Em. But that isn’t a good enough reason..” India signs back, looking exhausted as they come over toward us again, sitting on the grass.

Stan is lying on the ground right now. He seems catatonic at this point. We all tried to rouse him, to make him actually look at us. He is just… not there. Even India tried to wake him up earlier and they had a terrible fight. I know that zombies sometimes enter this kind of awake but not fully conscious state sometimes, I saw it often enough when we all lived at Asher’s uncle Jack’s lab. It was like… they saw things, heard things, but were locked in their heads.

Like dissociating but somehow layered.

“Dude, I swear we all told Stan their names, he even met the other ‘Letters and spoke to them! It’s so weird. He’s just… I can’t imagine he’s losing his memory like that,” I say frustratedly.

“I know! You’re right, Ben. I remember Stan spoke to them too. Like several times,” Emma adds.

“Yeah and he’s always asking about the same stuff over and over. Like, you’d tell him Cara had extra water in her pack and then he’d ask like seriously, three more times after…” I say to Emma, holding onto my head. It’s pounding. Cara hands me some water from a flask. She knows when I’m dehydrated I get bad headaches.

“It’s getting worse,” Emma adds with resignation, rubbing her temples, getting out some water to drink a small swig.

Cara sighs, looking at Stan sadly, “We really gotta wake guy up. From how Ax was talking, those zombie hunters are on the move constantly.”

This seems to spark something inside India. She goes over to Stan again, trying to find a way to help him. She pokes at his face curiously, which I find it kinda funny but I know it’s not. Cara shoves my hip a little with her hand, looking at me sternly. I cover my face, little tickles of laughter escaping.

“I laugh when I’m nervous, sorry, honey…” I whisper in her ear, she looks at me with a soft look that’s understanding.

“I know Stan. He’s a very chill person. I think that it’s… he really just got overwhelmed by everything…” I try to keep my composure, but I feel myself cracking.

Emma nods. “I feel like we failed.”

Cara sighs. “Yeah. I get that feeling too.”

“All over a single sign language mistake? Fox wasn’t even a fighter. He was so calm..” Emma says sadly.

“Yeah he was calm, I remember. I just.. why wasn’t… there has to be something to help them understand each other better. Like someone to help them talk?” Cara suggests.

“Hon, I don’t know if it’s that easy anymore. I wish it was. Just… the war and all the fighting. The fires. I just don’t see this being fixed anymore…” I grumble to Cara.

Cara sighs, “Well at least I’m trying to find something tangible beyond all this nonsense…”

“It’s not always about obvious solutions…” I say, frowning as Cara shakes her head.

Emma rolls her eyes. “I don’t understand why the stupid zombie elite would even agree to this if they wouldn’t… ugh.”

Cara nods, “I don’t know either. Nothing ever makes sense in this world.”

Cara leans into my shoulder, and I wrap my arms around her to bring her close to me on a larger rock that can seat both of us.

India slouches, giving a blank look, gently trying to toss Stan from side to side. She looks at Stan, with his unmoving, unblinking face.

“Stan, please, wake up. We need you. I… I need you. You’re my friend. I’m…” India kneels down close to him, looking morose. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know, guys. Maybe…Let’s go home. I’m tired. I know Indy is tired too, I can’t even sleep right anymore. I don’t even want to sleep…” Emma says with a troubling chuckle, rubbing her eyes.

“How can we go home? Stan is as stiff as a board over there…” Cara says sadly.

India leans closer to Stan, taking hold of his hands in hers.

“Tre—treee…. Is fall-linng… I’m dead….” Stan growls out.

India’s eyes go wide, squeezing his hands, her eyes staring at Stan. We all turn toward them, shocked and stunned. Stan hasn’t spoken out loud in ages.

“St-Stan?” India growls out loud, gently clawing at his face.

“Bex…Bexley….” Stan sounds like he is crying. Suddenly, India embraces him, wrapping her body over his like a shield. Bexley isn’t here. Is he hallucinating or just missing her?

“Oh man. Let’s set up camp here. I don’t think we’re gonna…” I start to complain. Cara shakes her head, shushing me quietly. I look over at Emma, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Honestly, it’s Frog I feel bad for. He said we killed his brother,” Emma starts rambling. “We killed him, didn’t we? We let them fall right into their rigged system.”

“No, we didn’t kill him, come on Emma. That isn’t what happened. We tried to help him,” Cara argues.

Everything outside suddenly stops moving. The sky is falling from deep blue to crisp gray. We all stop talking, and I feel a chill up my spine.

The silence gathers between us like a ghost that has to stop here on earth before being taken into the dark underworld, but right now, the most recents deaths, like Ax and Fox are still with us.

I still feel frozen. Cara grips my leg. I look around but can’t quite focus on anything.

A figure is in the distance.

We all shift, looking at the distant horizon, and the slowly moving figure, which starts crawling. We all stand up. Emma grabs her handgun, no more trigger discipline as she starts aiming as she gathers everyone around her to get up, pushing us behind her. India is still holding onto Stan.

I grab my own gun, but I’m trembling so badly that I drop it two times. Cara picks it up.

The silence escapes our ears like a flare in the sky, as the creature wields towards us with increasing speed.

It’s.. it’s…

The thing stands up. What is this? Is that?

My brain is fried as I realize that this half skinned face is Amory.

He looks at no one, but somehow is able to recognize us. I can see it in his eyes. Emma puts down her gun, almost dropping it as well. Her eyes are still, shocked, so is everyone else. Still, radiating with shock.

He points behind him. Then he looks far ahead.

He signs one single word, his hands twisted as he signs, wobbly and unable to stand properly. India finally notices. She runs like a feral rabbit over toward Amory, helping him stand.

He pushes her away, like her gentle hand worse than a bullet.

“Run.”

He signs, then falls, fainting. It’s like zombie memory. Layered, a single window, something inside that looks familiar but also not.

I feel locked in now too. We all scramble like geese flying south.

Something suddenly tears inside. I feel it like a violent rupture. It’s something I haven’t felt in a long time. Cara is calling for me desperately. But the rupture is so intense.

It’s something I haven’t let myself feel since my sister Kai died.

Fury.

I yell. It feels like a war cry.

I run but I don’t know where.

If someone is coming to attack us, I’m going to fight back. I’m done hiding from life. I have hidden my whole life.

Not anymore.