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I am Alive; Prologue.

Author- Lindsey McNair

By Lindsey McNairPublished about a year ago 4 min read
1
I am Alive; Prologue.
Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

Hello Everyone! As mentioned in my profile I am writing a book, "A Court of Forsaken Virtues"; This is the prologue to the book. Now I know a free-style poem isn't your usual opening to a book. But I wanted to capture the perspective of-- Kaizen, High Lord of the Royal Wind Court of Circiann! I know I like a little insight to the story before I start, only to find out what I thought was completely different. So, my darling readers, I hope you enjoy this, I did work quite hard. As always, have fun and dream big!

I am Alive: Prologue.

What is duty?

It is Undeniable.

If I were to hold a crown it would be covered in blood– the one of innocents.

The throne looks like something that needs to be destroyed.

The sword is at my side.

It bore my name long before I did myself.

There are rules, how many?

One, virtue tried and true– I will follow it.

I pick something fucked up.

Parents.

A fear.

I did my best and it wasn’t enough.

I tried and failed, and I kept trying and still it wasn’t enough.

I had the power to change things and it was never enough.

I left the earth a worse place than I found it– or, worse, I left it identical.

I was useless.

There is a home waiting for me, as promised.

It has windows, revealing.

I enter a town; it is something to accept.

I leave this town, and I leave it quietly.

If only an observer to its so-called peace.

I made another mistake; I thought I could change.

I thought I could make it out.

The wind carries a message.

From whom? From where, what?

Its ancient tongue forcing itself into my ear.

“Come, be human with me.”

But I drift along the path.

If anything, I wish humans were what I’ll never be.

Disgusting, pathetic; they’re all horrid.

The one who hurt me, haunts me.

In my nightmares the remnants of their voice scream from under water.

“I forgive you.”

As if I was the wrong one, like I'd carried the blade.

I throw up the dull, black fortress of my mind.

No more.

This anger, all my own.

Like a curse, an unwelcome elixir coating the veins of my soul.

I don’t know if I was born with this anger, flowing and raging, or if it stuck after a while.

I hate it, but it’s all I have.

Sin.

It’s inevitable.

What taught me about guilt?

The silence.

Your emotions, thoughts, the grating of the ungratefully stolen air clinging to your lungs.

Sitting, just being, the truth if there are any eats away at you.

I will die as of consequence, if only to give back what I took at birth.

Life, an eternally damning circle of survival.

Death, a mercy.

When I die, I hope to go anywhere but here.

If heaven or hell greets me, it’s no matter.

What is hell anyway?

Other people I suppose.

The only wish I throw at the world; Let me fight.

In a world where my destiny was predetermined, let me fight.

I’m trying to sleep– Long useless internal battle. It is most often never won.

But how can I sleep with this world thriving in my head?

Can I bring the vision into existence?

I am the ruler, whose head was bathed in blood and thorns.

I am the prophecy.

Duty. Strength. Resignation.

I am that ancient power that flows through these lands.

Both sides of the coin, mother of life and the god of death.

I was told to do things, to obey, and I did.

Eventually.

This world was something that was forced into my broken hands and something I must deal with– so I will.

I have a rigid back, and steady hands.

Was it nature or nurture?

I don’t know.

I am tired of being steady.

I dream of feeling alive, of breaking these chains and releasing myself.

Swallowing everything.

Not that I am not alive– but, sometimes, it’s hard to remember that there is a heart between these ribs of mine.

My love is where I breathe.

In, and out, I breathe– it starts now.

I am alive.

ScriptYoung AdultSeriesMysteryLoveFantasyExcerptAdventure
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About the Creator

Lindsey McNair

I am a aspiring creative writer/author, mostly interested in High Fantasy. I am currently working on my first book, and I am so excited! In the mean time, I am planning on publishing small poems and/or short stories I have made.

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  • Lindsey McNair (Author)about a year ago

    I am proud to present the official Prologue to my first series, "A Court of Forsaken Virtues"!! Have fun, and as always enjoy.

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