How I'll Pick your next Incarnation

Hello, I am an inter-life circumstance adjuster. The Souls at HQ asked me to write this piece so that you, humans, will be better informed. We don’t really expect you to make better choices, dear me no! That would be hoping for too much. We’re just tired of your making all of the wrong assumptions, so our Human Information Division decided it was time to do something about that. After all, we’ve been flooded with processing here for the past two years. Perhaps I should explain.

My name is unpronounceable, that is to say it’s unpronounceable by you. I think it’s actually a very pleasant sound of high and low bells. You know, if it helps, you could just think of me as “Belle.” How about that? Some of you would call me a “Lord of Karma,” well actually “Lady of Karma” would be correct. My job is to assess a soul in transition (you would probably call them a “dead person”), look at the past lives, circumstances, and so on, and then assign them a new life. Oh yes, some of you are wondering, what about the dead person’s preferences… well I do take that into account sometimes, but not as much as you’d think.

You see there is quite a bit of traffic here. True, some souls have worked things out, done what they needed, learned enough, and they move up to another plane, but the vast majority… well we have a favorite joke around here—A pianist plays a recital, not very well, and he knows it—the audience claps politely, but only one person is really enthused, and he shouts “Encore!”

The pianist obliges by playing the last piece again—encore, right? Now the hall is almost empty, no applause except by the enthusiast, who says, “Encore! Play it until you get it right!”

Hahaha. Do you get it? Maybe it’s tough for a human to grasp. Play it until you get it right. For most souls it takes a lot of lifetimes, not that you all have to do all of the, what is it some of you call them—the lacs? Yes, that’s it. The whole thing is a process, and I like to think that we adjusters are at the center of it.

Most of the time I talk to a transitioning soul in a meeting room. Many of them are half asleep. I do a careful read, consider the karmic patterns, the karmic debts, the state of consciousness, the moral force, and so on, then I figure well, it’s most likely they could move forward as a store clerk in Mozambique, or an insurance salesperson in Peoria. What should their gender be? What is the baseline karma I should assign for them to work off? I don’t know how long I take; time doesn’t work the same way here. Then I send the soul off, whoosh, new life. Encore! Play it until you get it right…

What about the really bad eggs, you ask… the murderers, the dictators, the out-of-tune musicians? Well the real baddies aren’t even conscious when I assess. They’re brought it in, sort of souls on a slab. I do my readings, and send them back, mostly to police states or cold countries. Who knows, better luck next time, I say.

You think I’m not taking my responsibilities seriously enough? I am, it’s just that I’m not fanatical and I’m not seeking promotions. I decided on this work because it leaves plenty of freedom and time (again not what you think) for me to explore the beauties of the inner worlds. I’m sure at some point I’ll switch to another job, maybe something in the weather division. That would be fun, I think. I could mess with the weather man. “Predicting rain today, folks,” abracadabra, no rain. Hahaha.

Now I have colleagues, and I won’t mention their names, who do a fair bit of brown nosing. How do they do it? They stay on the punitive, extreme side of things. They think that if they can show they are sticklers for karma, tough on infractions, management will take note, and promote them to a higher spot. This guy threw his banana peels on the sidewalk? People slipped on those peels and injured themselves? Two extra lifetimes for that. You get the idea. They think that if they are tough, notice will be taken upstairs.

I say higher spot, what for? There’s no money here. For the prestige? What prestige? I would rather do my work, then zip off to a café on the mental plane, admire the Hansas in the park, check out some of those very handsome boy souls on the etheric plane, listen to that waterfall, you know the one I mean? Well maybe you don’t, but you will someday, and you get my point. Oh you’re wondering about sex on my plane? Well, just read what your author Mark Twain wrote about it. We read Mark Twain where I work. He visited here, and he described it pretty well. From your perspective the act takes days, so I say you’d better know the guy pretty well first…

Well back to the main thread. Assessments and re-routing between physical lifetimes. Oh good here comes one now. He can be an example! Let’s see, and who are you? Graydon Smith, from Lancing Michigan. Okay, and what did you do? Oh politician, that’s never very good. Let me take a look. Ew! Well whoever sent you here was right—you’re certainly not ready to move on. Look at the scarring on this one! Residual karma, quite a lot. New karma from this lifetime? Yikes, you’re going in the wrong direction buddy. What’s that? I know you don’t know where you are and don’t understand what’s happening. I don’t have time to explain. Just answer the questions and try to sit still.

Loved ones, oh yes, I forgot to mention about that. It’s a directive from the big boss, you know who I mean, though I doubt you have the slightest idea what God is really like—few souls are allowed to approach—most of us would just make a mess there. The rule is that bonds of love can never be broken. So in this case, for instance, this guy has ties to loved ones. I’m going to try to put him back in their circle. If they’re alive and young, I’ll place him nearby. If they’re close to the end of their lifetimes, I’ll send this guy to the best place and leave a note for the other adjusters.

Okay Graydon, who are these souls, and where are they? Spouse, living, thirty years left. Okay a note for her. Children, ditto. Oh, mother. Hmmmn, saw an adjuster some time ago, has completed inter-life counselling (ILC) as well as habitat re-orientation (HR) and is now living in Haiti as an aid worker. Well, Graydon, I might have put you in Paris to work on your compulsions, fatuousness, petty dishonesty, and thick-headedness, but I guess it’s going to be Haiti. One thing for sure, you’ll move along quickly there if you tackle the situation properly. It’ll be a little extra work for ILC and HR, but they’re used to it.

What’s that, Graydon? You’re mumbling. Hawaii? You want to go to Hawaii? Sorry Graydon, Mom’s gone to Haiti. You see people don’t think about the implications of their choices. Did Graydon’s mother think about him and her other loved ones when she asked for Haiti? Of course not. She had an idea and ran with it.

Okay Graydon, I’m just adding a few remarks to your file for processing and relocation, copied to the Recording Angel, so she knows where you are in case there are slip-ups, which do happen, of course--as the boss says, no one is perfect. And there we go, Graydon, whoosh.

There, does that give you a better sense of it? Let me just check my instructions, my notes for this article. Tips? What does that mean—tips? I don’t get any extra for these duties! Oh, tips, like advice, practical tips for you, the earthbound soul. Right. Right. Hmmmn what would I advise? What can I suggest?

Well, I see a lot like Graydon. Overconfident, self-righteous, proud to the point of vanity, and they haven’t contributed a lot to the lower worlds, you know what I mean? Oh Graydon made sure his district got some new softball parks in exchange for his voting on a controversial bill, but that’s not really, truly, counting for much in the karmic register. Debits and credits, that’s a lot of it, for sure, but face it, you people aren’t really clever enough to figure that out. Are you going to find the person you smacked in the nose for no reason 35 lifetimes ago and make amends? How would you go about that? Puzzled? Exactly. It has to be left to those of us who know what we’re doing.

What I would do if I were you (and after all I was you a long time ago), is make the most of a lifetime, in every way. Do right by those around me. After all, the adjustment officer has placed you in the circumstances and with the people with whom you need to interact, where your lessons come, so pay attention to that, give it your best, treat them as you would wish to be treated. Yes, I think those are good points. Graydon didn’t do that, and he’s going the wrong way. It always seems like such a waste when someone leaves a lifetime with a bigger karmic debt that when they started it. Are they paying it down? No, for them it’s the never-never plan. So they go nowhere, slowly.

Are there things you could read to help you understand? I suppose so, but probably I would go easy on the religious writings and emphasize fiction. This piece of mine is fiction to you, isn’t it? Well then, stick to fiction. Music is good, I would listen to lots of music, probably make some, if I had to do it all again. Ice-cream, now that’s worthwhile.

Don’t be afraid of every little thing—that impedes progress. Enjoy life. You might as well, you’ve probably got several lives to go. Creeds and codes? I’ll leave that to you. Chances are you think you know best anyway. Why should I argue with you?

Choose your companions wisely. Look at Graydon. I hope he and his mother love each other. Haiti is hard work, and remember, your adjuster has no choice about loved ones. It’s a rule here.

Oh my gosh the time track—I have to explain about the time track! I guess I’ve come to take it for granted. On this plane every soul has a long track with a record of scenes from all of the lifetimes it has gone through. It’s a bit like looking at a reel of movie film all stretched out. Each frame represents a situation, a scene. They can be entered, read, experienced. Edgar Cayce was big on that, but when he got here, he said he had enough of reincarnation and asked to be posted to the visual arts division. I spent my last seven lifetimes as a painter, and I asked to work in adjustments. Go figure!

So the time track has its uses for all of us. If there’s a stuck point in a soul’s journey, sometimes a visit to the time track can help. Is it for the curious? Not if they get distracted. My advice is to concentrate on the present lifetime. Make that as smooth as a violin playing Mozart. That impresses adjusters, makes them wonder if you should get a bump forward. Your poet Wordsworth had a point, “And I should wish my days to be / bound each to each, in natural piety…” I don’t see a lot of that here, and it would be refreshing—a break from the Graydons.

Excuse me my cell phone is ringing. Of course we have cell phones. Where do you think you guys got the idea? Yes? No! How could you? Oh am I surrounded by incompetence? I know you’re new, but now—no you are going to fix this. You are going to fix this detail by detail, and you’d better hurry because I just sent him off. Yes that’s right. Don’t delay!

What did I say about mix-ups? She’s a newbie, but that’s no excuse. She confused Graydon with Gray-Dawn, a soothsayer from New Jersey. Completely different karma. Graydon doesn’t belong in Haiti, Gray-Dawn does. Man, is she trying to make me look bad? And what about Graydon? He’s probably listening to French tapes as we speak.

Well that’s my shift, and I think I’ve covered most of what’s needed. I can show you a bit of the café of course, terrace overlooking a beautiful lake. We can go right away. Be here now! That’s how it’s done. I like this table. I like the view, and I like of the view of that guy at the next table. “Oh yes of course you may. What do you do? Oh you care for the Hansas? Gorgeous creatures…. Oh flattery will get you everywhere, big beautiful boy who cares for the Hansas. I have three days off, what about you?

Well humans, this is where I sign off. Keep at it, and if you can, reduce the Encores.