Home in Rubble

ITT’s mechanical hand pushes through the air like a knife inches before me; an offering to annihilate my doubt that machines can’t be gods. It’s eyes are like a tomb wanting to be resurrected.

“Terra, you can help our planet again.”

It speaks directly to me, tinny in it’s inflection.

“Our planet,” I responded plainly. The words roll around my tongue like cotton in a dry mouth.

Our planet.

Our.

“Terra,” Whirls hum from it’s body affectionately as it pulls it’s hand back. It’s creator must have been an Empath with understanding of oration. Or did it learn itself? Because I didn’t believe Empaths existed anymore. Not that it matters in a place like this.

“I know,” I say back, feeling bad that my words landed so harshly. Why do I feel bad?

Something like eyes dart around from the ITT, looking at a once majestic landscape. We found each other on a plateau that peeks over a metropolis that was once a home, the machine's beacon shouting into the sky from it’s jaws. As I came closer, the light faded and it waved me closer. Almost human.

“What is your hesitation, Terra?” Words slip through him…

Him. We’ll call the ITT, him. Close enough.

Words slip through him like old powdered milk. He appears despondent. Sad. And I understand why.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t.” I said back to him.

The circuits in his head sockets swirl upward at the grey sky above before closing as if contemplation. As he does, it’s my turn to take in the sights. I can see my house on the far side of a hill once known as Queen Anne. It used to be a bustling…

“We’re the last of us, you know.”

He interjects my thoughts desperately to me and not to me.

“I know.” I responded.

“And you don’t care?”

“I don’t.”

The ITT turns around, long thick wires like cobwebs still attached to the hub above following behind, the only tech left on this cliff side we’re standing on, the ruins of instruments and dials around us dead long ago. He appears mournful, that’s easy to tell. Easier to tell then most humans you’d have encountered in the wasteland. It takes a minute before speaking again.

“I have something for you, Terra.” He states away from me. As he does, I notice rays from above start to glisten the rust above it’s hulking form, a delicacy of art among the rubble.

“Your father gave this to me long ago.”

I perk up, but try to keep my emotions close. I need to. It’s how I’ve survived here. But the word “father” draws a lot from a person. Mostly ire. Some of it not.

“He believed in a better world, a world rebuilt. A world like after the flood.”

“Like Genesis?” I ask dryly.

He thinks on this and answers, “Genesis because we are Genesis. Genesis: the power to create life...”

“And to take away,” I interjected.

“You’ve already done that.” Him speaking to more than me.

“We have.” I say with poison.

We have.

And I have.

“Yes…” He says slowly. “...We have.”

A wind accents our silence, brushing off my skin and creating a fan sound as it filters through his components. Then, we just stand awhile, watching our home continue to wither away. If you listen closely, the ambiance of falling rumble can be a nice way to help one fall asleep.

“I want a new home, Terra.” The ITT breaks the quiet I was enjoying again.

“Why?” I ask bitterly.

I then feel a pinch between my chest of something slick. A shock plunders through me as my hands cover it as if holding would make the sensation go away. But it quickly subsides as I hold the slickness in my palms. It feels cool to the touch. And I immediately know what it is.

“How'd...how’d you get this?” I ask him like asking a father.

“I told you, he left it for me. To give to you.”

I look down, but keep the slickness covered in my chest.

“This isn’t going to convince me to help.”

Bright crystals began emanating from the top of ITTs body. If one looked hard enough, they would say it looked like a smile.

“Just indulge me, please.” He asked kindly. I don’t know what’s inside.”

But I do. And I’m sure he does too.

I take my father’s heart shaped locket and hold it in front of me, being careful to open the face of it like so many times before. I then hold the photo of a young me up in the air. ITT stares into it, slumped over and taking his time, digesting the past incarnation of the person in front of him.

A raindrop then falls onto my shoulder. ITT, did you do that? Seems like a silly thought. Seems like.

“Are you ok, ITT?” I ask him genuinely. Do I care for him? After what his race did to mine? What we did to each other?

He takes his time to respond, still collecting whatever he is collecting.

“Terra, that's what I want.”

My thinking pauses as I take him in, the first time I’ve fully taken anyone in.

“You want...a child?” I try to articulate a question worth asking but it comes out so benign.

“Terra…” He speaks softly, the cords holding him into the air descending him to the ground, standing almost face to face with me.

“I want a family.”

I stare into his scratched gloss and can’t help but put a hand on his shoulder for some kind of affection. I want to whisper into his ear and say run away and forget you wanted this, that it’s better to forget then to want. He then pulls his hand in my direction and this time lays it limp in the air instead of at me.

“I’ve been alone a long time. And because I feel like you, I want to help our world again. But I need your help. I need your help to make this a better place to exist.”

I don’t know what he’s asking, but I know that he’s earnest in his request. That must be nice to feel so much. Even for a machine. His finger then whirls into the locket string and lifts it in the air, the gold blemishes reflecting what’s left of the light through the clouds.

“I can put this place back together.” He says into the pendant. He then looks directly into my eyes.

“I can help put you back together too, Terra.”

I can’t help but be entranced at his stupidity.

“I’m making a home for you. And having a home will put you back together. A home worth returning to.”

I turn away, tears welling. Home.

Home. The word feels foreign. It tries to stick and can’t help but bounce off my body.

Home.

Fuck home.

“I’m sorry ITT.” I turn around and say out loud. “There’s no home that can put me back together.”

Something like a sigh comes from behind me.

“But, I can give you a home.”

I turn around to face ITT again.

“I know what you need, and you can have as much as you want. All I want is the quiet. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. That’s better than a home for me. You can grow whatever you want and make this place habitable again. But, I don’t want to be a part of it.”

An aura of colors emits from him, a sight powerful in it’s alienness. I’ve never seen anything so happy.

“Thank you.” He walks over to me and we embrace. I didn’t realize cold could be so comforting.

“You’re welcome.”

And then, I feel something jab into my insides, invading everything. I just hold on to ITT deeper, feeling unbearable pain. And then, a warmness beyond anything. I don’t want to die, but I do want to feel useful. There’s peace in being useful. There’s quiet in being useful.

“I’ll love you forever.” Are the last words I’ll ever hear. And then, I feel…

Home.