Holiday Hijinks

My neighbor, Steve, is agoraphobic. I know this because last October, I got a package delivered to my door that was meant for him. It looked like rain, so I went to his place to hand it directly to him. As usual, his house was all shut up, dark and almost creepy, which, I guess fit the season.

He opened the door after I rang the bell five times.

I said, "Hello, I'm..."

"Tom Birmingham. Thank you for bringing that." His eyes fell to the box I was holding. "Just leave that on..."

"How do you know me? We've never met."

"I work from home. I researched everyone on this block before I moved here two years ago. I'm good with the internet, but I don't leave home. Please put the package on the mat."

I complied. He had it rigged like a dog door so he could pull the mat and the package in without going out. He shrugged. "All of my groceries are delivered this way too."

"Don't you ever miss people?"

His gaze fell to his feet. "Not really," he mumbled unconvincingly.

"I think I'd go stir crazy and start getting the seasons all mixed up shut up inside like that."

"You do know the date is the first thing you see on most devices, right?"

"Well, yes, but I'd still probably get confused. That's just me. I need sun and air, and interaction."

"...and I don't... but thank you again."

"Listen, my wife is baking some kind of a fall pie. We'd love to have you over."

"Uh, thanks, but no thanks."

"Suit yourself. Nice to meet you, Steve."

I told my wife, Sharon, about the interchange. She said, "He's lucky he lives in an age when he can work from home, but it sounds like Steve needs someone to shake up his life a bit." She had a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Don't tell me, you're going to do the shaking, aren't you?"

She nodded, "It's going to start with a piece of pie and snowball from there."

"I love it when you get sinister," I kissed her cheek, "because it's never an evil sinister. Let me know what I can do to help."

Later that afternoon, I delivered the first of what we planned to be weekly gifts. This one was a piece of apple ginger pie, but Sharon had put it on a leftover Independence Day plate, complete with a toothpick on which the flag said, "Happy 4th."

I knew Steve would realize it was from us, but I put it on the mat, rang the doorbell, and ran like a kid playing tag.

The next week, we gave him sugar cookies on which Sharon had piped, "Happy Hannukah." After that, it was pistachio pudding with a St. Patrick's Day card. Every week, it was a different holiday. We had a blast preparing and packaging the surprises every Saturday. It became a fun tradition.

One week before Christmas, we got a knock on the door. It was a teenager with a DoorDash shirt. He said, "Your neighbor asked me to give you this." He handed me a flat, wrapped gift with a card.

I asked, "Did he tip you?"

He smiled, "Yeah, he gave me ten bucks!"

"Well, thank you, and Merry Christmas."

Sharon came up beside me and asked, "What is it?"

"It's a gift from Steve."

"Should we open it?

"At least the card." The very neat handwriting said, "Thank you for sharing the goodies these many weeks. Please open the present immediately. It may do you some good."

Sharon giggled, "I guess he enjoyed our antics."

I ripped the paper off. We said in unison, "A calendar!" We laughed until our sides hurt.

When I caught my breath, I said, "There's another note. It says, 'I hereby invite you for dinner this evening.”

Sharon said, “That’s a big step for him.”

I went on, “Do NOT bring dessert. Remember, I sit around a lot, so while I love a good dessert, it not easy shedding calories. I'll serve some fruit.’”

A gift card fell to the floor.

Sharon snatched it up and gasped. "$100 for Amazon. I think I'll bake a big cake to thank him."