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Her heart was "broken", she was a girl hiding in the memory that no one could find

The wood is like this, how can people bear it.

By davidPublished 2 years ago 11 min read

The grocery store in my memory is located in the cross street in the center of the town. The store on the left sells paper money, and the store on the right sells traditional Chinese medicine. On the other hand, the pork head meat from Jiang Ji Cooked Foods is right across the street.

There is a three-meter-high old banyan tree next to the store, green and tall, and has been with the town for more than a hundred years.

In summer evenings, my mother-in-law always took Xiuxiu to enjoy the shade under the tree, and shook the fan with a group of old men and women. My mother was working in another place, so she had to bring Xiuxiu to her mother.

When she came back at the end of the year, she was a little annoyed—

Xiuxiu always avoided her, just being the little tail behind her mother-in-law. There is no need to look for it, there are neighbors and folks all around, and the little guy came back by himself at dinner time.

The mother was angry and funny, pointed at the little nose of the girl and taught her: "You, you, eat me and use mine, you are not at all considerate of your mother's hard work outside..."

Listening to this sullen and smiling complaint, Xiuxiu vaguely remembered that the person in front of her had taught her to read Tang poems with such an anger and a smile, held her hand, and taught her to draw the embroidered picture of the twelve hairpins of Jinling in "A Dream of Red Mansions". , and bought her a beautiful doll and told the story of Snow White and Cinderella.

My mother-in-law could not read Tang poetry, but only taught Xiuxiu "little mice, stealing oil bottles" and other limericks. She said that her mother was very good in Chinese when she was studying, but unfortunately she often failed in mathematics. In those days, girls didn't study well if their grades were not top-notch, and they had to earn money for their families.

Xiuxiu was taken aback - her grades are not very good now! The girl nervously grabbed the hem of her mother-in-law's clothes: "I didn't go to school?" The mother-in-law rubbed her horns braided with tears and laughter: "How could it be? Your mother has to pay for you!"

Her eyes darkened, and she said softly, "Your mother, it's really good."

Mom went to the supermarket to buy a CD of Tom and Jerry for Xiuxiu.

Mom and Xiuxiu play rock-paper-scissors with hands and feet, jumping like a big Xiuxiu.

Mom took Xiuxiu to a snowball fight and played badminton in the snow.

Mom will make super delicious braised pork.

Apart from being supervised with her homework, Xiuxiu gradually admitted that her mother is really good.

In the evening, Xiuxiu was sandwiched between the quilts by her mother-in-law and mother, and she was hot without a warm water bag. They chatted about the family of the seven aunts and eight aunts, which one got married, which old man left, and the TV sang a one-man show in dissatisfaction.

The mother-in-law said, "People."

Mom also sighed: "Human."

It seems that these two words can penetrate all the happiness and suffering of the world lightly.

However, after the new year, my mother had to leave again to earn food and clothes for Xiuxiu. Xiuxiu pulled the window, peeking at the back of her leaving with her luggage on her back, and asked her mother-in-law when her mother would come back.

The mother-in-law broke her hand off and said, next time it snows.

Her mother-in-law's eyes have always been warm and moist, without any drowsiness in her old age, like the eyes of the purest lamb. There was a thin layer of mist in such beautiful eyes, with a little sadness that Xiuxiu couldn't understand. Fortunately, the child is very forgetful, and after thinking about it for two days, he only cares about chasing butterflies.

When Xiuxiu passed the age of chasing butterflies, she remembered, ah, her mother is also her mother-in-law's daughter.

She summed up her mother-in-law's grief so simply and thought she was smart. At that time, she never thought that three years later, seven years later, ten years later, twenty years later, every time she passed a stage, she understood the sadness one more point.

It was the epitome of a woman of old, a moment of hardship. Generation after generation pinned their hopes and accepted their ordinary and tiring life.

The children's eyes may be able to take a look at the prosperity of the distant city for them.

The kids might have a good time. No worries about food and clothing, a stable job, and a decent sitting in the office.

They won't understand why, more than 20 years later, there is no bright light in the eyes of children sitting in their offices in shirts. Some people even lost the idea of ​​starting a family.

Every New Year's Eve banquet in childhood, Xiuxiu was crowded by her cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin or cousin, cousin, cousin, and cousin in front of a small dining table, and her mother-in-law came to help her with chopsticks from time to time. meat, then hurried to serve.

The men were having sex at the table, the mutton soup was boiling, the heat and the smell of alcohol were thick, and the whole hall was so lively.

Why in the future, generations of old people have died, the ties of the blood of the big family have been broken, and everyone has fallen apart.

When she grew up, Xiuxiu envied her youngest son at the street grocery store. That kid has a big head, and when he goes to the supermarket, he always crouches beside the shelves and bursts into tears. His mother was a very neat woman, and immediately raised her eyebrows and threatened: "If you cry again, I will throw you here!"

So what if you leave it here, the town is so small, and the home is three blocks away, and the children are just passing by.

Xiuxiu always watched quietly, through the clear glass window, watching their family making noise.

Until one day, her mother-in-law suddenly took her to the grocery store, found the snack area, and clenched her hands against the dazzling array of packages. She said, "Xiuxiu, choose a bag, it's your birthday today."

Xiuxiu was stunned for a few seconds before she realized - Oh, I'm ten years old today.

The tenth birthday is considered a big day in the customs of the small town.

She also became nervous for no reason, and picked up a bag, and was annoyed that she didn't choose the cheapest one when she checked out. It's not easy for my mother-in-law to save money, even the one or two dollars for a bath in winter has to be counted.

Twelve dollars! She paid twelve dollars that day! But that bag of shredded squid, which was many times more delicious than dried radish, was indeed the most delicious thing Xiuxiu had ever eaten.

Since then, she still rarely has birthdays, and she has never had a birthday gift that made her heart tremble more than the twelve pieces of squid shreds.

At the age of 24, she ate birthday noodles alone in a rental house in Shanghai, saying it was birthday noodles, that is, two eggs lay in a pack of instant noodles. While eating, she suddenly stood up and went to the supermarket a few hundred meters away to buy a bag of shredded squid in the rain.

She suddenly wanted to hear her mother-in-law's voice.

Of course her mother-in-law is still alive, but her mother-in-law doesn't know her anymore. She is lost in broken memories and loses her dignity as a human being.

The mother-in-law's illness is not because she is old, but because her heart is "broken".

In 2020, the mother-in-law's youngest daughter and Xiuxiu's aunt filed a lawsuit with a client due to debts, and fell from the limelight to the bottom, depressed to the point of wanting to die.

The uncle, who had borrowed money from the aunt, refused to save the urgent need. Even if the mother-in-law dragged her 70-year-old sick body to the door, he would spread his hands, like a rogue without a penny to pay back.

The betrayal of a loved one is the most heart-wrenching. At this time, Grandpa injured his leg again.

Grandpa is the husband of her mother-in-law, and she treated her mother-in-law and children very poorly when she was young. He is selfish and stubborn, irritable and irritable, but he has a lot of strength. He would beat grandma when he was drunk, and even when he was over half a century old, his uncle couldn't hold him back.

But when Xiuxiu could remember, Grandpa was over sixty years old, an old man who treated her very gently and patiently, and took care of her carefully to the point of doting.

Grandpa squeaked and squeaked on his bicycle, accompanied by countless sunrises and sunsets, across the misty fields, and sent her to school. Grandpa would also tell her stories, about the Seven Heroes and Five Righteousness, the Three Kingdoms and the Water Margin.

When her mother-in-law fled to live with her aunt, it was her grandpa who took care of her clumsily and gave her a place to breathe under the rough discipline of her uncle.

Is grandpa a bad guy?

Is grandpa a good person?

When she grew up and learned about Grandpa's past actions, Xiu Xiu realized that people are not simply black and white, but gray. She couldn't hate Grandpa, but she couldn't forgive him for her mother-in-law.

And the mother-in-law never really left the grandpa who broke his leg.

She tried her best, really tried her best.

In such a difficult time, in such a bad marriage, he had brought up several children, he was chronically ill, he was taking care of his husband in the hospital bed, and now he was worried about the safety of his daughter.

She was so miserable, really miserable.

And at the end of this hard life, when Grandpa was able to walk slowly, he called his mother-in-law's name, but she didn't answer. He turned his head and saw a pair of eyes that had lost their familiar look.

The mother-in-law was so tired, she hid in the memory that no one could find, and turned back into a little girl.

In 2021, the spring breeze will be warm and everything will grow happily. Xiuxiu responds to her mother's request and takes time off to go home to see her mother-in-law. My mother said that when my mother-in-law is awake occasionally, you should take a look and take one less look.

Xiuxiu felt a needle-like pain in her heart.

She still remembers that during the Spring Festival of 2020, at the cold New Year's Eve banquet, her mother coaxed her mother-in-law to look at her in a warm voice: "Mom, who do you think is back?" Her mother-in-law was as gentle and gentle as she remembered, and the pair of lamb-like clear His eyes looked at Xiuxiu quietly.

For a long time, the mother-in-law did not speak, and then she tilted her head childishly and turned her head away.

She doesn't remember Xiuxiu. Now she is a girl who needs to be coaxed softly and held back by the hand.

My mother said, "I took your mother-in-law to go shopping, but she insisted on taking my grandpa to eat the fried chicken legs from the street stall.

"Where would she buy these things before, and she was reluctant to say that these are all things that children like.

"I bought it. She and my grandfather each have one. The two seventy-year-olds are as novel as they are, and they ate them cleanly..."

Tears fell as my mother said that.

Fortunately, the spring sun was fine, and the thick winter clothes were taken off. Occasionally, she will remember some people, some sufferings she has worried about.

It was dusk when Xiuxiu returned to the town, just in time for her mother-in-law's second walk. In the past, Grandpa took her there and let her touch the golden and splendid rapeseed flowers. It is said that she would stand on the bridge for a long time, curiously watching the construction of the people beside the dam. Grandpa had to wait patiently for her to make up for the old times one by one.

This time Xiuxiu came back, and everyone tacitly asked Xiuxiu to accompany her mother-in-law.

They walked slowly along the renovated river, and the shoe upper rubbed against the ground to make a dull sound, leaving not deep and not shallow marks. Looking at the hunched and thin back in front of her, she remembered that her mother-in-law also led her down this road when she was a child, picking mulberry leaves and wild wolfberry, and catching fish for her.

Now this road is no longer covered with grass, because it is about to be built into a concrete road. The town has changed a lot in recent years. Even the storefronts of Lao Wang's family have been sold to young people who opened milk tea shops. Only the old banyan tree, still green and beautiful, is a clear road sign in the memory.

The mother-in-law suddenly turned her head and said, "Xiuxiu, follow my footsteps, don't fall."

Xiuxiu froze in place.

This "accident" only happened once.

One day, Xiuxiu looked at the city's lights in the rain outside the window. She thought, this is a new era.

Every day, new bridges and new roads are built, and there are always some people who will grow old with time, and their memories will die out. The rain still falls from the sky, the four seasons flow the same, and the soil grows all things.

The wind and clouds are scattered, nothing more than that.


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