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Henry!

SFS2: Death By Chocolate

By Kat NovePublished 3 years ago 4 min read
2

Genny lived with her dog Henry. He was a big old goofball whose main talent was getting underfoot. Although a Golden Retriever, when people asked about his breed Genny told them he was a kangaroo dog. This puzzled them, but she couldn’t be concerned that their grasp of the obvious seemed to be lacking. Henry weighed in at 70 pounds and jumped up on her so often she felt as if she should be wearing boxing gloves.

Genny loved her family, but had grown tired of everyone mocking her even though they had numerous grounds to do so. She wasn’t a kitchen ninja, but more of a kitchen oaf which rhymes with loaf, one of the many things she couldn’t successfully bake.

Thanks to his culinary expertise, her brother’s fusion restaurant had earned two Michelin stars. Some said his wasabi quesadillas were to die for and while Genny loved them, she didn’t plan on taking a bullet for anyone’s culturally confused tacos.

Her sister baked spectacular wedding cakes and charged $400 for each even though they were coated with a weird thing called fondant. Genny didn’t like fondant because she couldn’t lick it off the fork.

There had been incidents.

One year she baked a two-layer chocolate cake for her daughter’s 21st birthday. While removing the cakes from the pans, both of them cracked down the middle. She felt this could be solved by applying her made from scratch frosting which had the consistency of glue. It worked until she placed the number 21 candle on it. When her daughter saw the cake she said, “I hope this isn’t an omen.”

She once invited her siblings to dinner and prepared Salisbury steak despite the fact she had no idea how to do such a thing. She bought a box of seasoning which included a plastic bag. The instructions indicated the so-called steak was to be placed in the bag with the dried spices and then popped into the oven. Genny didn’t know much about cooking, but she did know two things. An oven gets hot. Plastic melts. Putting plastic in an oven made little sense to Genny, but she followed the directions. Everyone spent the meal picking melted plastic out of their teeth. Genny sent a strongly worded email to the company responsible for the travesty and sent copies to the FDA, the national headquarters of the Better Business Bureau, the EPA, the White House and also to the Humane Society to warn its members of the constipation factor if a dog eats Salisbury steak chock full of melted plastic.

Her daughter’s birthday had once again come around and she planned on making the perfect chocolate cake. She watched videos and researched recipes on the Internet. She purchased all the ingredients needed to bake it without incident. She could do this.

Henry seemed puzzled by how long Genny spent in the kitchen, but away from her beloved microwave. She constantly dodged his antics and decided he’d be a terrible sous chef as he was no help at all.

She finally finished her onerous task and placed the finished product in the center of the big dining room table. Any honest pastry chef would call Genny’s cake a glorious masterpiece, but Genny was a mess. Flour, sticky egg yolks and frosting covered 37 percent of her body. She had time for a quick shower before her family arrived.

As she stepped out of the shower Genny heard an alarming sound. Henry only whined when desperate for something. In a rare moment of clarity, she understood his desire.

She screamed his name and took off running to see him nosing the best birthday cake in the entire world off the dining room table. Genny didn’t consider Henry licking the cake to be a deterrent to her family’s enjoyment of it. He’d jumped up and licked her open mouth countless times when he was in the mood for a round of kangaroo boxing. She lived. So would her guests, but she knew chocolate would be very dangerous for her beloved friend.

To save him, Genny executed a baseball slide that would have earned her accolades from MLB players and in the process caught the cake before it hit the ground.

“SAFE!” she shouted at the exact moment that her family walked in the front door and Henry sensed her potential weakness The dog pounced, successfully covering her naughty bits, but he smashed the cake in the process.

A naked Genny, lying flat on her back, covered in birthday cake and kangaroo dog, stared at the ceiling and muttered, “Happy Birthday?”

Humor
2

About the Creator

Kat Nove

I'm a native Texan who would rather pour a colony of fire ants down my ear canal than listen to country & western music. Willie Nelson is the exception to this rule.

My website is https://babblethenbite.com/

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