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Hector the Protector

And the Search for an Umbrella

By Renessa NortonPublished 2 years ago 3 min read
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Hector the Protector
Photo by Austin Lowman on Unsplash

“Hector! Come hither!” bellowed the drawling screech of King Aloysius.

Hector jumped at the booming voice of his master, and scuttled through the stone hallways of the King’s Court, tripping over his pointed, belled slippers, landing squarely at the feet of the King. As he stumbled to stand, his hat brushed His Majesty’s nether regions, causing the servant to stutter his apologies.

“No need,” proffered the King. “Delilah can’t pay my member any attention at present, so any regard is greatly appreciated, whether deliberate or not.”

Hector felt his face grow red with embarrassment, but bowed nevertheless. Instantly, he saw an apple roll out of his hat, sending some servant even more lowly than him to chase it across the room.

“Now, it has been raining for months on end and I’m quite ill with loneliness, Hector,” the King said earnestly. Hector nodded, unsure of where this conversation was headed. “I know you’re not a scientist, but you do seem to have a good imagination.” He flourished his hand at Hector’s attire. “Whoever can think up a raven adorned hat paired with bananas and a rhinoceros horn clearly has a screw loose, but perhaps a brain like that is just what I need.”

Hector stepped back, shocked. “Your majesty, surely you are not going to take my brain. That might kill me!”

“You daft fool!” the King exclaimed. “I want you to invent something for me. Something which would allow people to travel here and move from their carriage to the castle and not grow damp on the journey.”

“A transportable coverlet, you mean to say?”

“Is that what it would be? Then, yes.”

“I shall see what I can do, Sir.” Hector bowed once more, but this time managed to only lose a few marbles and a cherry from atop his head adornment.

Oh, the fun Hector had over the coming days. His helpers, perhaps not so. The sheath made of rock caused some tears - poor Umberto’s arm snapped clean in half as he attempted to raise it above his head. Then it fell, squashing him until his intestines escaped, and then finally his soul followed suit. A brief recess followed in which Bertie was hauled into a muddy hole and farewelled fondly as a loyal servant. But what the King wants, the King gets, and soon they were back to work. Next, they tried a weave of peacock feathers. But when it came time to test it, a balloon made of a whale stomach full of water was opened above. The loom fell open causing the maiden below to squeal in shock, shivering in her frock and casting a filthy look at Hector.

“Sorry, Heather.” At that point, Hector considered giving up entirely. A piece of him died inside seeing her disdain and frustration as he loved her more than he loved the King, although to say so would surely be treason.

Finally, a cow’s hide was tested. And hallelujah! When Hector rushed forth to measure the rain drops on Heather’s new gown, there was not one!

The King was fetched and the final demonstration took place.

“Bravo, Hector! What do you call it?”

“An umbrella.”

“Umbrella, you say?”

“After Umberto, God rest his soul.”

They both bowed their dry heads.

And with that, the King’s loneliness subsided. Delilah returned to Court. And so grateful was Heather for a dry dress that she allowed Hector to remove said garment in celebration. From that point forth, the King was only ever lonely for reasons completely within his control. Hector, on the other hand, was happily wed to Heather. Peacock feathers adorned her wedding garb as a nod to the moment that Hector cocked up, and they lived happily ever after.

Satire
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Renessa Norton

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