He kept the light on

He passed his finger along a jagged edge of paper, but a door flung open, a pervasive memory of the past instead of a paper cut. The scene played as if it were nurturing. There was no movement. He knew the path the way he knew his mother. He thought his past would play a different song, but it was a race car reversing backwards. The person that changed everything came too close and it might cause a dangerous end to the present.

That was the day his mother decided she didn’t want this anymore, what this was, Quabil could not delineate.There was a house but it looked derelict. He couldn’t tell if a new family was living there. The path was as he left it, dried and cracked.

Stuff like this only came out after 8pm and it was 8:45pm, so it was right on schedule, it was testing him in doses, like depression medication. His memory switched off and the lines of the book came back as an entertaining deflection. He felt his spirit fall back into its shell and the feeling of the paperback came to the present, tasting his fingertip, it made his grip loosen and he placed it down while he rubbed his sweaty palm dry.

Quabil knew he wasn’t going to stay with his son tonight. But he had to keep the light on. The time was now 10:35pm. The sound of wheels on tarmac grew spaced out, coming infrequently, the world around him gave a sigh of tiredness, unwinding after a long day of working for breadcrumbs, Quabil would think when free time was given to him.

It was the night leading to Saturday and Quabil made a sandwich. He layered it with turkey bits and cheddar coleslaw, he bit into it and the sauce lined his upper lip. He looked at the napkin next to him but he didn’t pick it up. He turned towards the door. No one ever goes in there. Not because of anything frightening. No one died there. It was a room he had to avoid.

He took a gulp of water, it wasn’t fresh. It was from the night before. The snoring of his son came thundering into his ear and he jumped, then anger started to rise up and he smiled to throw it back down the rabbit hole where it came from.

The smile comes out in public sometimes. It was always the wrong time.

That smile he knew wasn't normal. Not the smile he gave then when he heard his son snore, but the smile he made in public with friends, coworkers. He saw how uncomfortable it made them. His appearance consuming his mind now, his bald head, the absence of his eyebrows. He thought it suited him, but he might’ve looked to them — a killer — something that wasn’t quite right.

He picked up the plate to go into the hallway, but dropped it on the table a little too hard. His son was still snoring, he was safe from feeling anything that was warm and cuddly. Maybe that was what he needed. But all he knew was that he had to keep the lights on. He went to the door, rested his back against it and lowered himself on his welcome mat. Its rough texture was felt by his palm. It was now 11:45pm.

He swallowed down a few sleeping pills, but it may as well have been the red pill and he retired to bed. At 3:33am, he sprung awake. He didn’t go to his son's room. The snore wasn’t there. His son might’ve used the restroom, might be playing with his toys… might… might. She might’ve stayed if he’d just… He smacked both hands onto his head to make it stop, then three more times just to make sure.

Slipping on his trousers he stumbled out of his room, took one look at THE door. Blinked dry eyes and went downstairs out of the front door, leaving his welcome mat behind.

At 4:55am he returned home. There was a phone call coming in but he was drunk so he accidentally declined. He thought he saw a message coming through, the words I miss you. But it wasn’t there. He remembered that his son was home alone, opened the door and went in. But instead of slamming the door, he looked up and down the street then closed it softly.

He went to his son's room at 5:00am and found him awake. He pulled him close and sobbed.

A/N : If you got this far, please comment, press the heart and subscribe. It’s free. Thank you so much for reading. I am feeling… nothing today. So I won’t give my usual but not so usual, long A/N ♥️🤗🙏🏽