Hanna, the Barberian, and the Quest Into the Four Portals

(Ungah):

(Standard grunts and growls; footage from Part 3).

A ruby-colored motorcycle, surrounded by two sidecars, pulled up to the local malt-shop, "The Drive-In Dine." Hanna dismounted the vehicle that she couldn't remember knowing how to drive and removed a white helmet.

"We are here." she declared, glancing about at the parking lot. "Wherever here is."

"It's an old 70's diner." Adamis answered, only vaguely aware that his voice was a little bit different as he climbed out of one of the sidecars. Across the way, an anthropomorphic, levitating mop floated out of the other sidecar.

"Diner?" repeated Ungah as she landed alongside the group.

"Yes; an old meeting place for young peep...did I just understand Ungah?" Adamis asked.

"To understand Ungah is nothing!" Hanna retorted. "What shapeshifting magic has befallen her to turn her into a floating mophead? Creepies!"

"Creepies?" Adamis and Ungah repeated (indeed, Ungah was speaking more clearly than usual).

Hanna promptly put a hand to her mouth and flushed in embarrassment. It was true; wherever Virga's portal had sent them now, they were in front of a standing diner (where teenagers were still allowed to gather), Hanna knew how to drive, Ungah could speak coherently, and Hanna was beginning to show bouts of self-consciousness about her behavior.

"What is this place, Adamis?" she asked, glancing about. "Ah; my Ruby Sp...!"

She barely had to take the time to reach around her back to know.

"Creepies; my Ruby Spears are gone again!" Hanna exclaimed.

"Not...exactly." Adamis answered, pointing at the side of the motorcycle.

Sure enough; it was called "The Ruby Spear."

"Oh." Hanna answered, rubbing her chin as she glanced about.

With that, her eyes landed on Adamis.

"Adamis!" she chirped. "You are...taller, stronger, brunette, white!"

Adamis took that moment to glance down at his own frame. Sure enough, he wore wide-legged khakis, a blue shirt, and orange...was it called an Ascot???

"Weird." he mumbled; then, since Hanna had mentioned something about his appearance: "You look nice, by the way."

Hanna did a jump-take and glanced down. She wore a white sweater and blue ruffled skirt; hardly the apparel for a cyclist. She then ran a hand through her longer-than-usual blonde hair. Furthermore, she felt grateful for the compliments.

"Thanks." she gushed.

"Virga!" Ungah piped up.

"Right." Hanna suddenly blurted. "Virga could even be here in this time line."

Instantly, a shadow fell over the group. The two newly formed teenagers and their anthropomorphic sidekick glanced up to the tavern's interest and discovered...

"...A shark!" Ungah blurted.

"A walking, chuckling Great White???" Adamis retorted.

"Possibly a demon of Virga's!" Hanna's softer toned voice suddenly came out as a bellow once more. "Come; we leave this Motor Steed and enter this wateringhole to investigate!"

"Motorcycle and maltshop." Adamis amended as the trio walked past a pastel van and tiny dunebuggy. With that,, Adamis approached the door and held it open.

"Ladies." he called over his shoulder with a gesture.

With that, Hanna and Ungah entered the diner. Adamis stepped in behind them and all three of them were greeted by a wall of noise. Three bands were apparently booked on one night as they split up three stages and all played simultaneously for a malt shop that had five tables and one large booth in the house. One table was courted over by four teens and a giant dog. A group of three teens sat at another table and eyed the bands hawkishly. Three girls sat at another table, courted over by a furry mop that closest resembled Ungah's new look. There were two open tables in the house.

One band that got Adamis's immediate attention was composed of three girls in catsuits. Hanna gazed in wonder at a band of four whos lead singer was playing an instrument of strings and crooning into a voice amplifying piece ("guitar" and "microphone" seemed to resonate with Hanna's mind, though she didn't know which was which). The anthropomorphic Great White Shark was drumming for the final band.

"Come." Hanna managed to make herself heard over the noise upon peeling her attention away from the singing and strumming of the awkward teen idol that had captured her attention. "We seek information and perhaps one of these...adult children...knows something.

"They're called teenagers." Adamis amended. "And, lest you forget, we appear to be some of them; at least for the moment. We should approach this delicately..."

"Move!" Ungah barked, sharply.

"As I said, delicately." Adamis mumbled under the noise.

Nonetheless, he fell in line and the group approached the larger booth where they could see several open spaces. The three women, and their moplike companion, seemed to take note of Ungah straightaway. The teens occupying the full booth, however, had been engrossed in the stage show; right up until Hanna had seated herself in their field of vision.

"Like, hey!" one of the boys, a black haired guy in sunglasses promptly protested.

"Excuse me, miss." his taller, muscular, brunette counterpart interjected. "Those seats were taken."

"I saw no one seated there; and we seek information on Virga!" Hanna insisted.

"Hanna, we can sit over there at that empty table." Adamis insisted, tugging her on a shoulder.

"Actually," another voice answered as four teenage shadows and their dog's shade fell over the group, "this malt-shop is filled up for the night..."

****************************

The tension had been enough to overshadow all of the performances. If the bands had been yelling and playing pretty much in synch with one another, they now all quit simultaneously as a hush filled the room. Sure enough, the band of heartthrobs did take back one of the seemingly empty tables. The band of four kids and the shark wedged themselves into another one. Lo and behold, "Tonie and Kat Gals" took up the remaining seats in the booth and it was full. Nonetheless, their accompanying party of Elvis and Alvin had talked it over and, finally, at least Adamis was invited to stay behind at the table. Meanwhile, Ungah had made herself comfortable at the table with the "Three Angels," as they called themselves, and their partner, Captain Clubber. Hanna had already made herself comfortable at the table comprised of "Clue Inc." and their creature friend, Shoobitty Doo.

"...and that is the whole story." Hanna concluded as Adamis told the same story to his table.

"Like, Zounds!" Suggie opined.

"An interesting story indeed." Chistoph Velmont opined, polishing his glasses.

Blake Delphor was checking his reflection in a plate. However, he did take a moment to nudge his neighbor, Leslie Jones. Les swallowed hard; however, she finally did have an answer.

"Okay; so I shouldn't have tried to throw you all out before." She finally mumbled. "It's just that...look; some strange things have been happening lately."

" 'Range?" Shoobitty Doo interrupted with a mumble as he leapt into Suggie's arms.

"Strange things?" Suggie added, quaking in her own seat while trying to hang on to Shoobitty.

"Oh, for Pete's Sake; you two knew about it!" Blake reminded them.

With that, Suggie and Shoobitty paused in their theatrics and shared a look.

"Oh, yeah; like, right." Suggie answered with a nervous giggle as she sat Shoobitty down.

"Right." Shoobitty concurred with a chuckle of his own before lying at his best friend's feet.

"Now, we can't tell you much about anything called a Virga." Christoph added. "But maybe, just maybe, you can help us out as long as you're here. It all started out three nights ago with a trio of hooded men..."

"GHOSTS/R'ONSTERS!" Suggie and Shoobitty interjected together.

"Who said anything about ghosts or monsters?" Les demanded.

"I did." Suggie answered.

"Re Roo." Shoobitty added.

"They're hooded men; people!" Christoph insisted.

"...But they have been causing a lot of trouble lately in town." Blake added.

"Then, you have at least finally shown me some good manners, and we are stuck here." Hanna declared. "Very well; my friends and I will help you..."

"Well," Christoph answered, cautiously, "about that..."

***********************

"...and that was the whole story." Adamis concluded outside in the parking lot. "Tonie, Alvin, Val, Elvis; oh, and the blonde drummer's called Mel..."

"...They want to catch whoever these troublemakers are first." Hanna interjected, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"Because Clue Inc. doesn't?" Adamis shot back. "I mean, yeah, The Kool Time Kats, Clue Inc., The Angels, The Dune Bugs, Hutch Hutchinson and the Moonlighters, and Slobberjaw and the Aquanauts; they're all the good guys here. But this is kind of like a contest for them."

"Agreed." Hanna spat back. "So you are going with Mel; and Tonie and the Kats?"

"Hey, wait a second; this conversation started because Clue Inc. invited you and told you to leave us out." Adamis reminded her.

A tripped-out RV had already pulled out of the parking lot, carrying Captain Clubber and Ungah on top of it.

"We're losing valuable time." Hanna mumbled. "And, yes, we're working for the same cause."

"Alright then; let's split up, gang." Adamis added.

With that, she got into the van with Clue Inc. Adamis watched her leave for a moment longer, then he boarded a Double-Decker Bus along with the "Kool Time Kats."

************************

The separate groups of teenaged sleuths had barely left the Malt-Shop when they stumbled across a runaway armored bank car. Within the armored car were three hooded individuals who didn't necessarily look to be on the level as bank workers. The hooded hoodlum in the front passenger seat looked in his rearview mirror and caught the van first before indicating to the driver. The driver, in turn, turned to their third partner in the back of the car with the sacks of ill-gotten gains. There was about to be trouble.

Suddenly, a Double-Decker bus plowed into one side of the armored car while a tripped out RV did the same. The Dune Buggy managed to stop safely right in front of the stalled out armored car.

Hanna could already see the results that could happen next from her own place aboard the van and she leaned into the front sat.

"Les, the road!" she chirped. "Can your motor machine stop in time?"

"It's called a van; and you just watch me drive it!" Les answered, stomping on the brakes.

The van did stop just short of ending the collision; however, the stolen armored car was still boxed in. The hoodlums saw little choice but to begin jumping out the windows as though they were going to make a run for it. Instead, Captain Clubber and Ungah naturally caught the passenger, the driver wound up sprawled on the bus's hood where Alvin restrained him, and the last of them threw open the back of the armored car to be greeted by Shoobitty Doo's violent barking and Slobberjaw's Great White frame. The Dune Bug trio, from their place aboard their mechanized Dune Buggy, could only congratulate themselves for having blocked the road. However, all had played a part...

*************************

Hanna almost missed Hutch Hutchinson as he and the Moolighters, undercover spies posing as a rock band, had been entrusted to deliver the hoodlums to prison. However, it was decidedly easier to visit in the Malt Shop when only two bands were overlapping one another.

"Christoph, Les, it was my distinct honor to work with your crew and your creature friend, Shoobitty Doo on this assignment!" Hanna declared.

Shoobitty Doo opened one eye from his place lounging beneath the table.

"'Reacher?" he repeated, glancing about.

"You, Shooby." Blake answered, patting the dog on the head.

"And he's a Great Dane." Christoph added.

"Greatest...dog, yes?...that I will ever work with." Hanna agreed, glancing about. "I must find my friends again. Excuse me."

"Sure thing." Les answered. "Good luck in your own journey."

"Rots o'Ruck." Shoobitty mumbled, emerging from beneath the table long enough to lick Hanna.

**************************

Adamis reclined up against the stage as "Tonie and the Kat Gals" played their number. Ungah had brushed up next to him and settled in as well. Meanwhile, Alvin was reclined back at his table.

"...You're a smart guy, Adamis; you and Val seemed to share that in common." he announced. "What is it about Mel?"

Adamis turned with a ready response for his infatuation with the bubbly blonde. However, Hanna had approached at the last moment to reconvene with her group.

At the same moment that she had arrived, however, a swirling portal seemed to appear in the Malt Shop's ceiling. The spiraling effect did interrupt the musicians once more. However, they and the other kids hadn't needed to worry. Nevertheless, Hanna, Adamis, and Ungah did have plenty of concerns in mind as they were swept upward. They also lost their vestiges of young adulthood in return for their real ages and forms again. Out in the parking log, the "Ruby Spear" vanished as well...

Tune in again for our heroes' further adventures...