Half a Heart

It was raining again. Kody leaned her forehead against the windowpane, watching droplets race each other down the glass. Outside, the city was a blur of gray, headlights smearing like faint stars.

“Are you even listening?” Jenson’s voice pulled her back.

She turned to see him sprawled on her couch, a bag of chips balanced on his chest. His damp hoodie clung to his arms, the rain leaving his hair in soft, messy curls. He looked like a hurricane had swept through him, but that was just Jenson—chaotic, warm, and utterly unaware of the weight he carried in her heart.

“Sorry,” Kody said, forcing a smile. “What were you saying?”

He sat up, crunching another chip. “I was saying I finally asked Emily OUT.”

Her smile froze.

“Oh,” she managed.

“She said YES!” Jenson grinned, his face lighting up in that stupid, perfect way that made her chest tighten.

“That’s great,” Kody said, her voice steady but too soft. “Really great.”

Jenson didn’t notice. He never did. “I’m thinking dinner. Something casual, you know? Emily’s not into fancy stuff.”

Kody nodded, her fingers curling around the edge of her sweater. “Yeah. Sounds like a good idea.”

He kept talking—about restaurants, movies, and how Emily laughed at his jokes. But Kody couldn’t hear him anymore. All she could think about was the ache she’d been carrying for years, the one she never dared speak of because it was safer to be his friend than to lose him entirely.

~~~

Later, after Jenson left, the apartment felt too quiet.

Kody sat on the couch, staring at the empty spot where he’d been. She reached for her phone, scrolling aimlessly until she landed on their old photos.

There was one from the summer they met—Jenson grinning like an idiot, her face half-hidden behind her hand as she tried not to laugh. She remembered that day. He’d dragged her to a park, insisting they try kayaking even though neither of them had any clue what they were doing. They ended up soaked and sunburned, but it was the happiest she’d ever been.

“I’m so stupid,” she whispered to no one.

Her phone buzzed, and his name lit up the screen.

Jenson: Thanks for helping me figure out the Emily thing. YOU'R THE BEST, Kody.

She stared at the message, her chest tightening.

Kody: Anytime.

She didn’t send it. Instead, she deleted it and turned off her phone.

~~~

A week later, Jenson showed up at her door again, his usual energy dimmed.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, stepping aside to let him in.

He slumped onto the couch, running a hand through his hair. “Emily broke it off.”

Kody’s heart twisted, a mix of relief and guilt flooding her. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“She said I wasn’t… present enough. That I seemed distracted.”

Kody sat beside him, her hand hovering near his shoulder but not quite touching. “Were YOU?”

He looked at her, his brow furrowed. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

For a moment, the air between them felt different—heavier, charged. Jenson’s gaze lingered, and Kody felt her breath catch.

“Kody,” he said softly.

She waited, her heart pounding.

But then he shook his head, a small, sad laugh escaping him. “I don’t know what’s WRONG with me.”

And just like that, the moment passed.

~~~

That night, after Jenson left, Kody opened her journal—the one she never showed anyone.

She flipped to a fresh page and began to write.

"Jenson,

I love you!

I think I’ve always loved you. But I’ll never tell you, because I’m scared you’ll look at me differently.

Scared you’ll leave. . .

Scared I’ll lose the BEST part of my life. . .

So instead, I’ll smile when you talk about her. I’ll laugh at your jokes and listen to your stories, and I’ll keep loving you QUIETLY, in the spaces where you don’t notice."

.

.

.

She stared at the words for a long time before closing the journal and tucking it away.

Some feelings weren’t meant to be spoken. Some loves were meant to exist in silence.

And that, Kody thought, was her way of loving Jenson—with half a heart and no expectations.