Guilt (Chapter 1 Only)

Guilt wasn’t usually a problem that a do-gooder would’ve had, right? They wouldn’t get torn apart over events they couldn’t change. They would smile just as much on the inside as they do on the outside. A good person wouldn’t have to keep looking over their shoulder, watching and waiting until either the hidden enemy wins or someone chooses to bail them out.

Right?

Terrin lifted his head, turning so that he could face his best friend. Sleeplessness was never his friend, especially when his mind wouldn’t stop racing. He needed somebody to help him out, he needed a light to fight against the ever-increasing darkness inside of him. Seeing Akira’s face almost always lightened his mood...would it this time?

“Kir?” The wanderer whispered, leaning over to catch his friend’s expression. “Are you awake?”

There was no response. Why wasn’t she responding? It’s okay. It’s all right. It’ll be fine, right? Terrin began to rock back and forth, staring at his sleeping partner. Why couldn’t he stop thinking? Why was it only now? Akira, please wake up. He didn’t want to live through these memories alone, he didn’t want to be consumed by his dark mind. He just wanted to be loved…he just needed to be loved.

“Kir, please! I need you to wake up...”

“Whaddya want?”

Akira was groggy, her eyes glassy with sleep. Without warning, her partner wrapped himself around her, whimpering and crying in her shoulder. Why didn’t this help? Why does it still hurt? Why won’t these memories just go away? Akira just rubbed his back, waiting for a moment before starting to ask questions.

“Buddy? What’s wrong? What happened? Why are you crying?”

“I...I can’t stop the memories...Akira, I’m broken...I’m still evil! I can’t fix it; I can’t make anyone happy. Why is my head such a god damned mess? Why do you still love me?”

Not only was the smaller man sobbing now, but he was screaming into his partner’s shoulder, his words bleeding into one another and crumbling as he became less and less coherent. Akira took a deep breath. This wasn’t usual for her partner. He was usually much calmer and more rational. Keeping this in mind, she prepared herself to support him again.

“Slow down. Take a deep breath, buddy. What’s wrong?”

Terrin took a deep breath, tears still in his eyes as he trembled and pulled away from Akira. He put his head down, an expression of pure shame written on his face as he gathered his thoughts. How does someone explain something that seemed to defy words? There’s only one place to start…

“I never toldja much about me, Kir. Some of the things I’ve done are still hauntin’ me t’ this day...but the secrets stop now. You can ask me anythin’ ya want. I’m an open book…”

He kept his eyes down, knowing just what she wanted to hear about. He could tell what she would ask for, and it would be the hardest for him to answer. All of her questions would leave more unanswered than she had hoped for, and he wasn’t ready for what could come next. He knew that she was going to hate him after the fact, especially because life seemed to take a nosedive as soon as he was involved.

“Why did you call yourself evil?” Akira’s voice was soft, a hint of pain and confusion visible as she reached for Terrin’s hand.

There was a slight pause as he weighed over his words and wrung his hands.

“Y’know me as someone different…m’kind…they have many identities…”

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Darkness took hold of the planet, strained and pained laughter cutting through the night. The plan was a success. Everyone was happy now. They no longer had the option to mope around in their own self-loathing, all they could do was smile. Sadness was gone from this planet. But was it?

“Ecstasy~” a familiar voice called out. “Where are you?”

“The hilltop overlooking the capitol.”

Only a few seconds passed before Dr. Jones appeared by his partner’s side. A sudden light flashed brightly, blinding both of them, and knocking Ecstasy off his feet as he attempted to turn away.

“What the hell?” Dr Jones asked quietly, unsure of the light’s origin. All he could hear was a soft chuckling.

“I guess you could say I fell for your delightful charms yet again~!”

That brought a wide grin to Dr Jones’s face as he watched the lights along the horizon flicker, people falling over in pained laughter and hysteric screams. The perfect outcome. A group of people headed to the base of the hill, all of them laughing, shouting, and smiling triumphantly as they awaited their orders.

“Let’s go,” Ecstasy softly spoke, pushing himself off the ground as he did so. “We will need t’leave some enforcers b’hind so we can be sure everyone keeps smilin’.”

“You’re a few steps ahead of me there. Syna, Core, Lorta, stay here.”

Three of the figures saluted, walking towards the horizon. Dr Jones gestured to the rest to board the ship, which they all did. Everyone was laughing, shouting, completely drunk on the conquest and power the group held. As soon as the ship left the ground, the man entered his quarters, desperate for sleep. He was not alone when he entered. However, that was normal.

“You gonna pilot the ship, or wouldja like me to?”

“Make one of the others do it. Ya know you can’t run a ship without sleep, and neither of us have had any.” The duo stared at each other for a few seconds, as if they needed some time to process the day’s events. “And besides,” Dr Jones continued as he sat down on the bed. “I have work in the lab tonight. An attitude adjustment procedure, in specific~”

“Ya gonna test Project E on them?”

“Of course, I am! It worked everywhere else so far, so it’s worth the shot!”

That set both of them laughing, the energy in the room completely justifying everything that they had done prior. The electric bliss of the moment filled their bodies and minds, making it all okay. Why would people want to live without this? Why would people choose to be depressed?

Ecstasy yawned softly, leaning in to press a kiss on his partner’s cheek. He didn’t want the other to leave, but he knew it had to happen so that everyone could be happy. He crawled into bed, feeling the tension on the orange blanket relax as Dr Jones got off the bed. Using the switch on the side of the bed frame, the nomad dimmed the light before falling asleep.

*********************************************

Terrin took a shaky breath as he waited for Akira to process his words. He looked down, unable to bring himself to look at the friend he had lied to for so long. Shame seemed to tear him apart at the seams, making him feel unwelcome in his own life…unwelcome in what should have been a beautiful moment.

“You mean to tell me that you worked for Dr Jones of all people? That you loved him!? Oh buddy, how could I not have known?”

The Cyborg held her hand out, knowing that her friend needed the support now. Soon the sun began to rise, setting a warm glow over the forested planet as it began to come alive with color and sent the morning flowing through the planet’s veins. Normally something like this would get at least a smile from her ever-cheerful partner. Maybe even a song. However, there was nothing. Not a single sound was heard, not a single gesture was made. Was he even awake?

“French toast thief begone….”

“Buddy? You awake?”

Nothing but soft snores greeted her question, which means that he was sleeping. Thank God...he needs this…

Almost as soon as she noticed he was asleep, his expression changed. His face held pure terror on it now as he let out a pained moan and whimpered faintly. He needed to face this. He can’t live like this. It will tear him apart…

“Please...no...I do, I swear…” His face took on a pained smile as he spoke his dreams aloud. “I’m okay…”

Whatever needed done, Akira wouldn’t hesitate to do it. Her friend needs peace of mind again, so she would stop at nothing to save him. She looked down at her partner, the furry orange nomad curled in on himself as if to protect his small body and hide his most vulnerable places. She had to save him.

Even if it means facing Dr Jones again.