GODSEND OWL

I used to be a trauma ER nurse that worked the graveyard shift, I saw a lot of things. I had one experience that really changed my whole life. I was working my shift when we had a bad car accident come in. There were six people involved, all were teenagers, and all were under the age of 18. It was a hot summer night and it had been raining most of the day with some thunder and lighting. I knew the ER was going to be slammed with firework accidents along the with usual overdose, and that one person at the party who had way too much to drink. I was about 25 years old when this happened, and I thought I could handle anything thrown my way. This night however changed that. I have always been able to deal with death and watching people die with no problem, I could disassociate from the trauma. As I was getting my gear on, I heard this loud blood curdling scream. OH NO! Was the only word that came to my mind. Nobody intercepted the parent of the child I was about to work on, and this was about to become a worse situation. I prepare myself to be asked a million times what happened, how was their child doing, then the security coming to remove the distraught parent. As I brace myself, there is nobody. No grieving parents just doctors and specialist’s accessing the damage this poor girl endured. She was only 17 years old and had been in the backseat of the car when a drunk driver hit the car head on. After what seemed like a lifetime, we were able to get her breathing again and intubated. The entire time this is going on- I can hear a woman in the waiting room screaming and crying. I was going to get this poor mother a tea and sit with her while we explained the next steps. Again, there is no women in the waiting room, nobody was hearing anything but me. I was feeling insane because I made sure I got enough sleep. The next thing I know I was assigned to the ICU because they needed staff and I was the only one on the floor that night that knew the ICU well. It used to be my old stomping grounds, so I knew the staff and what was expected of me on shift. I get up to the ICU and this girl we will call Emily was going to be on my rotation. The first few questions I ask was has next of kin been called? Has anyone been by to see her? The answer I got was not what I was expecting. I was told both her parents had died and she was left in the care of her aunt. Emily’s aunt was nowhere to be found. This was not an ideal situation, the poor girl had brain damage and if she got off her ventilator, we were not sure how far she would go, if at all. I was overcome with sadness for this poor girl. I never get this way, but there was something about Emily, I felt so sorry for. When we were going through her belongings trying to find some ID, we found a picture of what maybe was her and her dad eating ice cream cone on a park bench, she had to have been about 3 years old. They were looking at each other laughing, while ice cream melted down their hands. It struck a chord with me because I lost my father at very young age to, he died of cancer. I didn’t want her to be alone to deal with the aftermath of this life altering accident.

The doctors and therapists would come in and talk about how her condition was getting worse, they needed to contact DCF as the aunt was not answering any of our calls. A social worker had come in one day and told us the news that Emily’s aunt had been in fact located, but she was found dead in her apartment. She said Emily’s aunt died of what seemed to be a heart attack. I blurt out, “I’LL TAKE HER”! The social worker looked at me like a deer caught in headlights. She gave me the information I needed and that was that. It didn’t take long to become her foster mother. From there I was able to make some decisions about her care. For the next several months I would go into her room and talk, read, and watch tv with her. I made sure she was never alone and well taken care of. I would hold her hand and tell her to squeeze my finger if she could hear me, I thought once she did, but it was just me leaning on her hand. I was always looking for signs of life though her coma. I used to wonder how much longer this could go on, this was no quality of life, and I knew I would need to make the decision to take her off life support. I was not ready to play God and make that decision, I would be up hours at night thinking of the right plan for her. When I would sleep, I would dream of this big, beautiful barn owl, it would soar over to me and just look at me. In the dream the owl had a man and women with it, I couldn’t make out their faces, I was unsure of who they were, but the owl felt so real to me. When it would spread its wings to fly, I could feel the breeze it would leave behind on my skin. This Owl was magical and comforting, I almost looked forward to sleeping. I had lots of weird happenings happen to me on the ICU floor since Emily came into my life. This one event changed the course of how things were going to go for Emily and me. One night on shift I saw a woman in a long gray dress enter Emily’s room, I didn’t recall anyone checking in to go visit with her. The women in the long gray dress looked as real as any other person. She was about 5’5 and her hair was long, gray, and down around the sides of her face. She had on pair of boots with a scarf, which I thought to be weird for this time of year.

The only one that would come and see her on Fridays was her friend that made it out of the car accident with just a cut on her forehead and some broken ribs. It was Monday and nobody had been by all day to visit her. I walk into her room to find that nobody was there, I know what I saw, and I knew I saw someone go into her room. The hairs on my neck were standing on end as soon I entered her room a smell of vanilla hit me in the face, I had no idea where that was coming from as scents were prohibited in our ICU. I am searching high and low, there was not enough space for someone to hide in this little, tiny room. The light above Emily’s head started to flicker and do dim, very dim in fact. I stood there watching all of this take place with my mouth hanging open and covered in goosebumps. There was a chair next to Emily’s bedside and I swore I saw it rocking back and forth, it saw what looked like an indent of someone’s butt sitting on the seat. I think I hear a loud sigh and a coo, at this point I am screaming inside, and I want to run but I don’t. Emily cannot coo or even make a sound because of her breathing tube. I knew I was not alone in that room, and the idea of being with a ghost was not sitting well with me. Maybe it was Emily’s aunt who passed away coming to take Emily home with her, or maybe she was just saying good-by. I am bracing myself for the worst when Emily opens her eyes. I am scrabbling to call her team to the floor so they can figure out what is going on.

The next two weeks are a blur. All of Emily’s health issues managed to just vanish out of thin air, she was thriving and after about two weeks of her waking up she was able to come home with me. It is hard to explain to someone that their whole family was now dead, and she was the only one left. I also had to explain to her that her and one other girl survived the car wreck. She took each devastating piece of news with grace. One day I get the courage to ask her if she remembers anything while she was in a coma and she said she did. She told me that while she was sleeping, she saw a light. She went to walk into the light when this huge barn owl stood Infront of her blocking her path. She said it just wouldn’t move, and she could not get around it. In her frustration she was getting ready to jump over the owl and then to her she told me she saw her mother and father. Emily said that they came from the light and wrapped her up in the biggest warmest hug she had ever received. They didn’t talk but pointed behind her, when she said she could see her body lying in the hospital bed. With lots of hesitation she told me she went back to her body and that is when she woke up. I told her about my dreams of this beautiful owl as well, expect in my dreams it was looking at me and watching me. I described this owl as being tall, with beautiful gray and white feathers and pricing blue eyes. Emily said her owl was the same expect her owl had what looked like strains of glitter or silver running through its tail. I often wonder if that was Emily’s aunt guiding her away from the light. After a year and some change, I was able to adopt Emily and call her my daughter legally. After we left the courthouse, we noticed the owl that we both saw in our dreams sitting on a tree outside. I wondered if it was a wink from heaven or if it was just family checking up on their loved one. Sometimes we are gifted with tragedy to figure out what our purpose is in life and how to help others in need. I reflect on my time as a nurse in the ER and I am thankful for my gifts I have been given. I needed Emily as much as she needed me.