Gems, scorned

“Baby, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”

Doug sighed. “You’re probably right.”

“It’s really sweet. I really appreciate what you’re trying to do. I… I know my family. I know my dad.”

“He may not even be there. Right?”

“It’s… a gamble.”

“I just have this feeling your mom really wants to talk to you.”

“I want to believe that. But… nothing usually works out the way we feel.”

They were walking through campus.

Completely open about their relationship—-mainly because they were holding hands. Doug had found a way to get Roger to sign up for college as well, and they were both working on their Bachelors of Arts degree.

“So, see ya at lunch, babe?” Roger said, noticing they were near Doug’s classroom.

“Yeah, hon, we’ll talk about this then, too.”

Roger shrugged. “I guess. There’s not much else to say.”

“I think there is.”

They kissed and waved goodbye.

Going three months into their relationship, they were both working, going to University and planning to move out of Doug’s parent’s house into their own place soon.

Reticence was the name of the game as they were both mainly working on their future together more than focusing on any sexuality between them—which was light and mainly just kissing, cuddling and sometimes a bit of fooling around.

Doug had made friends, both male and female; Roger had only made a few, mainly because they were Doug’s friends too. Roger told his old friends about their new relationship—it had a very mixed reception.

Going into his calculus class, Doug saw his friend Danny.

“Hey, man!” Doug said.

Danny waved. “Hey.”

Danny was goth, had dyed black hair and had successfully convinced Doug to dye the tips of his bangs a bright blue color.

Roger did not care for that, though he saw how it gave Doug a boost of confidence, so he let it pass.

Danny showed Doug lots of comics and often made him laugh.

Roger also didn’t care for that. At all.

They all had a movie night together(at Danny’s apartment) and Danny was a huge cinema nut.

They watched “Eraserhead,” that night.

Danny raved about it.

Roger also did not care for this—-in fact, he hated it.

Doug liked it, but could see his boyfriend wasn’t happy.

He brought it up to Roger, but he basically laughed it off.

“That guy is a weirdo!” Roger had said.

But Doug felt like Roger wasn’t saying everything to him.

He sat down next to Danny and sighed.

“Everything okay?” Danny asked.

“Yeah. Been trying to figure out a lot of things lately. Roger and I are wanting to find a place. And just in general—we want to, well, I wanted to try and reconcile with Roger’s mom.”

“That’s tough. Sorry, bro.”

Class had started and Doug was paying close attention to the lecture.

He looked over and saw Danny looking at some other students.

He suddenly gave them a dark look. “Hey, cut it out!” He whispered loudly to them.

Doug frowned and looked over at the other side of the room.

He heard some guys and girl sniggering, but then stopped.

Doug tried to ignore it, but it became so loud, he heard Danny finally snap.

“Shut the hell up!”

The professor, of course, only noticed this interruption and kicked Danny out of the class.

Doug frowned, and finally, once his friend had left the classroom, did something peek up near where he was sitting. Someone tried to grab the folded piece of paper before he did—-but, Doug picked up.

His inner voice told him to throw it away, to rip it up, to ignore it. This was childish, this was stupid—-this was not college level behavior.

But, as Roger had often pointed out to him—-he could not ever expect everyone to be at his level of maturity even in a college setting.

He opened it.

It had this insult crudely written on it:

Blue haired fag thinks studying harder will make his dumbass boyfriend’s gpa go up

Doug put his hand over his mouth and sighed.

He simply ripped up the piece of paper, and went back to reading, but inside he felt torn apart.

But then another note happened to land next to him.

It was far less intelligent than the last note.

Stupid Fags make our halls disgusting & nasty, stop polluting our air

This time, he kept the note.

He didn’t cry, but he became angry.

Once he had caught up with the lesson, class was over, and the rest of the classes flew by. Danny didn’t have any other classes with him until later that day, and he wanted to see Roger.

Danny however, did see Roger before Doug did.

Danny, with his nose ring and spiky black hair(Tripp pants and old band tee), waved down Roger before they went into the last class before lunch.

“Roger! Hey!”

Roger sighed, trying not to roll his eyes as he went over to see what Danny wanted.

“What up?” Roger said coolly.

“Hey…” he lowered his voice. “I got something to give you the heads up about, man. So… in class, a bunch of these assholes were passing around notes…notes, can you believe it, it’s so juvenile, but I caught wind of it and tried to get them to stop.” Danny paused as he saw the unimpressed and slightly annoyed look on Roger’s face, and he raised his brow and sighed.

“What kinda notes?” Roger asked finally.

“Notes about… really deprecating and homophobic stuff. Highly disrespectful.”

Roger nodded, finally understanding. “Did Doug see it?”

Danny shook his head but then shrugged. “Not when I was in class. Doug didn’t notice. But, I kinda made a big deal… I yelled for them to stop. And I got kicked out. No biggie. It’s just… hopefully he didn’t see any of the notes. So… he … if he seems off, that is why.”

Roger looked at Danny and nodded at him in affirmation. “Thanks. Thanks for letting me know.” And he meant it.

Danny smiled. “No problem.”

They both nodded in respect of one another and went into the class.

Once it was time for lunch, Doug was feeling so low, he wanted to go home.

Roger saw him, and immediately noticed the difference in his demeanor.

“Hey hon,” Doug said softly.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?”

“Not much. How are you?”

“Good. Missed you.”

Doug smiled. “Me too.”

“Wanna get something to eat?”

“Not hungry.”

“Why is that? You only ate such a huge breakfast!”

Doug laughed. “Shut up.”

“Nah. You have a way bigger appetite than I gave you credit for, dude.”

Doug laughed harder. “Sure. Alright… I’ll get… let’s get Chipotle.”

“I’m paying. Get whatever you want. Kay?”

“Extra guacamole?”

Roger scoffed as they walked to Doug’s car. “I’m not that rich.”

They laughed and Doug felt instantly better.

They had a great lunch together and Doug forgot about the problem in the class.

Before lunch was over, they drove to the river.

“Hey, Roger? We don’t have to talk to your mom. It’s okay. I don’t ever want to push you.”

Roger sighed. “No. You’re right. I really do want to talk to her. I miss her.”

“Are you sure? We have to make sure we facilitate something in a safe place…”

“She’s not the problem. My dad is.”

Doug nodded. “Whatever you feel is best. I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

“You can’t be here for me if I’m dead.”

Doug frowned, and looked at him with apprehension.

“Don’t say that shit to me. Okay? I had a crap day. Don’t do that.”

Roger nodded. “What happened?”

Doug sighed, shaking his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Doug?”

“Do you think my blue hair is stupid?”

Roger shook his head vehemently, leaning over to kiss the other’s cheek. “No. Never. Absolutely not.”

“Okay.”

“Why?”

“Listen, Rog, I wouldn’t worry about it. Bullies exist everywhere.”

“Who were they?”

“Just some people in my calculus class.”

“What did they say?”

“I don’t… I don’t wanna tell you.”

Roger sighed. “Okay. That’s alright. You don’t have to. Just… if they keep doing that, you need to report them.”

“Rog, they called me a blue haired fag.”

“I’ll kill them. All of them.”

Doug’s eyes widened, “No! No. Let’s handle this properly.”

“By killing them?” Roger asked with a wry smile. Doug laughed despite trying to remain serious.

“Let’s just move on.”

“Whatever you say, Mr. Nice Guy.”

They went back to the university and kissed goodbye.

Not before they saw Danny.

“Holy Shit!! What the hell happened to you?!” Doug yelled, making Roger turn around.

Roger blanched at the sight of Danny with a left black eye and a bruised cheek.

“Dan? You alright?” Roger asked, and they ran up to him.

“Fuckers!” Danny said under his breath. “They jumped me.”

“What? Who? I’m going to get them,” Doug said fiercely. “First they insult my relationship, then they beat you up for sticking up for us… ugh!”

Roger and Danny locked eyes and frowned.

“No; we can’t take them on. There’s like three of them,” Danny said.

Roger sighed. “So, we are three people. We can take them.”

Doug nodded, his teeth clenched. “This is so fucked up. I am so sorry.”

Danny shook his head. “It’s not your fault, just… you guys don’t… I don’t want you two to get in trouble.”

“Listen, I’m with Doug on this. It’s bullshit,” Roger spoke up. Danny blinked in response; he believed Roger disliked him.

“I appreciate it. Really. It’s…” he smiled, “it’s fine.”

“No. It’s not,” Doug said with a finality as they all went into class, collectively they had an idea forming in their minds.

Revenge.

This was the last class of the day.

Once they got out, Danny id’ed the perpetrators and Doug and Roger went over to them, telling Danny to stay behind.

“Hey, how’s it going?” One of the bullies, a tall guy with dark brown hair, said condescendingly.

“Cut the shit. Why’d you mess with our friend?” Roger asked.

“Why? Why do you think? He’s a fag enabler. He enables you guys. It’s gross. Can’t that goth jerk speak for himself?”

Danny came over and said, “Yes. I can. You all are cowards. You jump a person when they least expect it. One against three is completely cowardly.”

“What an excellent argument!” A shorter one said with a chortle. “You sure taught us a great lesson today! Huh, guys!”

“You’re all so insecure. You need therapy!” Doug shouted. The three guys laughed hysterically.

“Thanks! You sure know how to help people… by yelling at them to get therapy!” The third one with red hair said with a wheeze.

“These guys are the smartest bullies I ever met. Pretty stupid, still!” Roger said in a loud whisper. Doug and Danny laughed.

“Shut the hell up, losers.”

“No,” Doug said angrily. He walked up to them. “You shut the fuck up, you vociferous, repugnant piles of slithering pus!”

Danny said happily, “Yes! Nice!”

Roger looked impressed, yet quietly terrified by the change in Doug’s demeanor. The group of delinquents were silent, not sure how to react.

Suddenly, Roger got a call, and he had an odd tug at his hand to reach in his pocket and see who it was.

“Holy… shit!” Roger yelled. “Babe, we gotta go.”

“What… is it?” Doug turned and asked.

“My… mom passed away.”

Suddenly, everyone was silent.

The three who had caused all their troubles, looked suddenly apologetic and went over to them.

Doug apologized first, making everyone blink in surprise. “I went over the top. Just the same as you did first, when you cowardly hurt my friend. I was in a rage over your unspeakable actions and wanted to hurt you all back. But, I’m done being angry. Live with yourselves, and try to be better. Or don’t. I don’t think that’s my business. We are all human. So let’s just start by moving on.”

They all shook Doug’s hand.

They apologized to Danny.

Then, they went to Roger and offered their condolences.

With a bit of newly formed mutual respect, they all left each other in a strange dissaray, the friends leaving separately and Danny hugging Roger and Doug, thanking them for their support.

Doug took Roger’s hand silently as they drove to the old mansion where Roger had once lived out the rest of adolescence.

A silent ride, Roger looked onward with a subtle locked gaze that Doug noticed looked broken, and torn.

“I’m sorry I lost my temper.”

Roger looked at him, and sighed. “No. It’s okay.”

“No. It’s not. I noticed the way you backed away from me when I told them to shut the fuck up. I’m sorry.”

“I was not scared..”

“I’m not saying you were.”

“I didn’t give that apology for them. I said it for us.”

Roger nodded.

“Whatever happens, if we see your dad—anything, I’m going to stay calm.”

“I’m not worried about you.”

“I know.”

They walked out of the car.

“So, your dad texted you?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s a good sign. Right?”

“It means he isn’t drunk. Yet.”

“Roger?”

They looked at the huge mansion before them and then at one another.

“Yes, Doug?”

“I love you.”

Roger smiled. “I love you, too.”

“I’m so sorry about your mom. I’m so sorry you didn’t get the chance to talk to her. I’m just… sorry.”

Roger nodded. “Thank you. You are the only one I need by my side.”

They nodded and went up to the door.

“This is it—” Roger said to himself, breathing in, and suddenly as he went to knock, the door flew open.

“Oh, hello there, stranger. Come in,” his dad said. “Whose this?” He pointed to Doug.

Roger started to answer but his dad interrupted.

“Is that a friend from your job?”

Roger nodded.

Doug frowned.

They all went inside the huge, empty space.

“What happened?” Roger asked. His voice echoed a bit, making the inside seem emptier.

“She had a fall. From the stairs. You know how clumsy she is.”

Roger stopped in his tracks.

“Cl-clumsy? What?”

“Yeah, the dumb bitch just fell.”

Doug saw the intense pain in Roger’s eyes.

“How can you say that about her?!” Roger yelled.

The dad turned around and shrugged.

“And the stupid thing was—-she kept wanting to call you and ask you about everything. I told her you were gone. For good. No use trying.”

“Did you even tell her about what happened between you and I?”

“Why should I? Didn’t matter. You were a no good son. You were a waste. You didn’t deserve this wealth. You deserve the mud, boy. You deserve prison bars.”

Doug couldn’t believe what he was hearing. And Roger was just standing, like a brick wall, getting slammed and beaten over and over—-and he could see it in his eyes, he was going to crack.

“Got nothing to say? What about that little boyfriend of yours over there next to you? He’s been awful silent.”

Roger remained silent.

His dad smiled briefly and walked out of the room.

“Yeah. I figured it out. Need some refreshments? I’d hate to be a rude host.” He laughed.

Doug went over and whispered, “Let’s go, Rog. Let’s go. This isn’t okay.”

But Roger was stuck, stuck in his malaise of pain, regret and fear. He couldn’t move. He could barely breathe.

He came back with three opened glass bottles of beer.

“Want one?” He asked in a condescending manner.

Doug shook his head. Roger said nothing.

“Oh, well. I guess I’ll drink all three then. One for each member of our broken little, messed up family.”

He drank one beer quickly, throwing the empty bottle next to Roger’s feet. The glass shattered everywhere.

“That one was for you, buddy,” He said in a satisfied tone, looking at his broken son.

He drank the second one. “And that one… hmmm. Was for me.” He smiled with his yellow teeth showing. “And this last one, well, Roger, you know—”

Suddenly, Doug saw Roger lunge into his father, and grabbed the beer from his hand.

“No,” Roger whispered forcibly.

Their eyes locked.

One pair was red, lazy and angry.

The other pair was full of pain.

Just pain.

“You won’t drink this beer for her. You won’t drink another Goddamn drop.” He took the bottle successfully from his father. “You won’t take anything or anyone else from me. Ever again. Do you hear me?!”

“You can’t prove anything,” his father sneered, but more than anything, he had backed away. Roger had the beer.

His father was starting to crack, and the son was starting to stand up straighter.

“I don’t need to prove anything. But that’s between you and God, now, isn’t it? When you finally perish, and meet your maker, well, there won’t need to be any proof, will there? Because your heart will be there, bare, unforgiving and cruel, for God to see. And then, you’ll get your just desserts. You’ll see eternal torment for your horrible deeds.”

“N-No one can judge me,” He said, but it came off shaky and off.

“I know. But you can judge yourself just fine. Don’t you? Drinking yourself practically to death for over ten years. Every time you have looked in the mirror and you just know you’re looking at a horrible person, a terrible, abusive father and a poor excuse of a husband—-because I’ve seen it, you can’t stand your own reflection.”

He frowned, and shook his head, but said nothing.

“So, no, you won’t drink to my mother. You won’t drink to anyone ever again. Until you do right by me—-by others—-by yourself, you won’t be able to do anything—-because you will be living in the same shit I’ve had to live in my whole life.” Roger took Doug’s hand, which he could feel was trembling the whole time. “We just came from dealing with some bullies who had beaten up one of our close friends. Instead of doing what you’ve taught me to do—-fight them and beat them all up, we left them in a deep and real sense of respect and determination to fight against those animalistic urges to hurt one another. Doug taught me how to forgive others, even when they don’t deserve it. So, dad,” Roger whispered, pausing a moment, “I forgive you. Fully and totally. But, you’re out of my life. Forever.” Roger took the beer and raised it high in the air. “Today, this last toast didn’t crash and fall into a million little pieces on the floor. Today, today—I became a better and bigger man than you’ll ever be.”

His father was so shocked and floored by this turn of events, he sobered up a little, and his eyes widened and his mouth opened in awe.

“A final toast to you, father. A toast to you, a toast I will never, ever drink to—-and never, ever drink again.”

And Roger and his father locked gazes again, and finally they both had a strange moment of connection.

But Roger broke it off, squeezing Doug’s hand, and turned away.

The door closed on the broken bottles and the father full of regrets, who for once in his whole life, agreed with his son.

His son was a bigger, better man—-not just today. Always, and he regretted that he was too blind to see it before.

He saw the gleaming, magnificent soul of his son.

The next day, he made sure his son got the deed to the mansion and all the funds his mother had left, knowing that she wanted to do so in the first place, and never contesting that this was truly the right thing to do.