Finding Peace

She knew she had to get out. She had known for the past 6 months for certain, and many months before that the thought was hinting in her mind. But 6 months ago, there had not been a clear exit strategy. There had not been a clear next step. And so she waited.

A few days before Christmas her dear friend calls, divulging that her boyfriend of five years was leaving her. Her friend was devastated and heartbroken. She told her friend “Worry not, my dear. I will come, I will move in with you.” And her friend was relieved.

Three years previous, the girl had begun to work for a family that was prominent and well respected in the community. She had not known them well when she began working at their family business, but they were admired and well loved by the community so she felt confident in her blind faith. From the beginning, she had the nagging feeling this was not right, but she stayed. For three years, she stayed and worked for the family’s business. They did not fulfill their promises to her. They asked more and more of her, having her work until the wee hours of the morning, managing the in’s and out’s of the business. They were not compassionate nor understanding when she needed some time off the year before because her father passed away. She was exhausted. But she had no money. The girl did not know where to go. At this point she was living in their house; she was so grossly entangled with them, she felt trapped.

The day before Christmas Eve, she told the family that she was leaving to move in with her friend, 800 miles away. They were devastated to see her go. The family knew they could not force her to stay, but they did convince her to stay longer and leave at the end of January. And she agreed to continue working for them remotely, for fear that they would not pay her what she was owed should she not.

The days before the move dragged on. She kept busy. She donated the things she could not take with her. She chose which plants to keep and which to give to friends. The girl began packing her car three days ahead of the move. Finally the day came. She got up one last time, at 2 o’clock in the morning. The girl packed the last of her things. She placed her treasured wall tapestry folded on the top of the pile in the passenger seat along with her Hedwig plushie. She filled her large, blue thermos water bottle. The girl looked out the living room vista window into the dark, taking in the sight of the starry night sky and the sleeping city. She grabbed some bananas and trail mix with peanut M&M’s for the road, and she left that house.

The headlights were cutting through the darkness as she drove. She stopped at the gas station before the freeway entrance and purchased several of her favorite energy drinks, a canned coffee drink, and the spicy chips that leave your fingers stained red. She drove down the highway, driving alongside giant rigs, FedEx trucks, and cargo haulers. Drinking the canned coffee drink, the radio playing classic rock to keep her awake and focused.

The coffee left a bad aftertaste in her mouth as she drove. Out of the city, through the smaller surrounding towns. Through the bare hills, into the farmland. The sky began to lighten, and more cars joined the highway. The sun peaked out, the sky brightened, and she could see the Hedwig Snowy Owl plushie and the heart-shaped face of the Barn Owl on her tapestry. They kept her company through the drive. The sun was shining, it was a mild winter day as she drove through places she had never driven before.

Her eyes were on the road, but her mind went through a multitude of topics. She thought about her father. She recalled her happy childhood, when she and her father were the best of friends, the closest amigos. He always encouraged her creativity, passion for literature and film, and inspired in her magic. Her father read the Harry Potter books with her, taking her to every release of the books and the movies. He taught her about meditation, and took her to group meditations even as a child. Through the years, he had gifted her the Hedwig plushie and the Barn Owl wall tapestry. The tapestry was a bit generic, it wasn’t the best artwork nor the finest material, but it was one of the only momentos of her father. The tapestry features the full body of a Barn Owl with spread wings. The background is midnight blue with constellations on it. Every time she moved into a new home, it was the first thing she put on the wall in her bedroom, and it was the last thing she took down when she moved out.

She felt the presence of her father’s guiding spirit and loving nature the whole drive. She missed the long road trips they used to take together. It was the most difficult and unknown choice to move in with her friend, but over the entire drive, she felt like it was the right thing. The most logical next step.

There was snow as she drove through the mountains. She was grateful the highway was plowed. Her little Toyota Corolla would not have been able to make it otherwise. The girl drove for hours through wilderness. When she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer, she pulled over. She stopped at a rest stop to park and nap in the car next to a gas station around noon, just for an hour, before continuing on. She longed to rest, to eat a real meal, to take her time. But she was driven to sleep in her new bed tonight. And so…

She persisted. The second leg of the journey, her hands began to cramp from grasping the steering wheel. She was leaning forward in her seat to stay awake, her eyes were forcibly intent on the road in hopes to keep from falling asleep at the wheel. She drank her energy drinks, but just felt tired and now jittery as well. The Snow Owl plushie and the Barn Owl image helped keep her motivated to keep driving. She wanted to put the tapestry up before she went to sleep.

The last few hours of the trip were through farms and forests; as rural living as it gets. The twisting roads lined with towering fir, pine, and hemlock. It was dark when she finally arrived at the gate and punched in the entry code #1047. The girl drove through the winding neighborhood, greeted by the neighboring houses, one after another; each custom built and completely unique, each with their own spectacular view of the ocean.

She had been to this house once before, coincidentally the weekend when her friend had purchased it all those years ago. The girl had flown in to the city visit her friend that weekend, and it just worked out that they drove the three hours to the coast to look at houses together. The five houses they saw first that day were obvious rejects. This house had only gone on sale two days prior. It was the final house they viewed that day. She remembered the drive with her friend, they had both been in awe of the forested neighborhood, the coastal views, and the twisting road through the houses. And when they first saw the house. When they walked inside and looked in the rooms and saw the views and sat in the living room. They knew. This was the house. This was it.

The girl remembered the turns to make from that first day, the path lush and overgrown in the light of the car headlights. She found the house at the end of the lane, just as she remembered. She parked in the gravel driveway next to her friend’s Toyota Tacoma and her body crumbled from relief. The girl sat there for a few moments, incredulous that she had finally made it, her body buzzing from the adrenaline. She could hear the dogs barking from inside the house. She opened her car door, stepped out into the crisp winter air, and she noticed her body uncontrollably shaking though just in the slightest; it was almost indistinguishable.

Her friend opened the door, and the dogs rushed out, barking and sniffing and running about. Her friend ran to her and they hugged tightly. The friends hadn’t seen each other for three years. It was a relief to be reunited.

They went inside for some tea, before her friend drove her to town to pick up some sushi for dinner. All the unpacking and settling in could wait for the next day. The girl was exhausted. She was relieved to finally be in a safe, loving place with her friend and her friend’s affectionate black lab and German shepherd. They got take-out from the sushi restaurant, and her friend drove the truck onto the beach. Sitting in the darkness, listening to the waves crash, they ate their tempura and sushi rolls out of styrofoam boxes, and savored their reunion.

As her friend drove them home through the forest to the house, the girl rested her head against the window glass. The heat was on in the truck. She enjoyed the warm air on her face, her full belly, and the comfort of resting in the passenger seat as her friend drove.

They arrived at home. As the girl and her friend walked from the car into the house, just as they were closing the sliding glass door, they heard the unmistakable haunting, deliberate cry of a barn owl. The two girls stopped and looked out into the dark night. “Funny, I haven’t heard that owl in a while,” her friend commented in passing.

The girl paused at the threshold, staring out into the darkness, savoring the distant roar of the waves. She took a deep breath, the salty ocean air filling her nose. She knew. She had no idea what the future held, but she was indeed in the perfect place, exactly where she belonged. Her father would be with her in spirit, at every step.

For the first time in years, she felt peace.

And with that, she closed the door and went to join her friend and the dogs next to the fire.