Feelings and Thoughts A Chronical of Time and Space.

Receiving the green card through the mail for my husband I didn't tell him anything he knew nothing of what I did. I got a week off work working hard for what I want. I paid my rent three months in advance so I had nothing to worry about. I told him a fib to surprise him.

Stepping off the plane I was proud my car was waiting for me paid a week in advance. As I walked through customs with my huge duffel bag to spoil my husband only with everything. As I drove home, I drove to flow as I arrived in Castries long as journey I put some money on phone and then drove to my husband's phone company added 500 ec to his plan.

I will never forget the driving permit I got from my favorite girl at Operative Car Services. So much work done, I caught up with her. Caught up with Lucy and bought some bakes from her. As the morning dragged on, my phone kept blowing up from messages. I drive up to the old neighborhood and called my husband.

"Walk down the hill and quickly I have a surprise for you well a million. I know you hate surprises."

"Yes I do, but I can make an exception to you."

"I'm going to be down the hill in a silver SUV waiting for you where we will be staying at a nice guesthouse for a week. I received your Green Card where you will be coming back home with me. We have an apartment, and a car fully paid off. A nice apartment in Akron, Ohio."

"Oh my god baby your home? Thank you for the credit."

"Any time baby, I started my businesses, and blogging is getting better. I made three investments we are well off."

"I have no doubt baby I will be done in a bit."

As the day moves forward, and a few days rolled in I found myself driving with my husband to his mother's shop. I didn't like this because I knew what she would say a bunch of shit and I would be expected to take it. I told my husband I will not stop smoking not while dealing with her.

As soon as as he arrives down the hill with his bag over his shoulder. He got into the car and I looked at him, handing him his Green Card. "You are officially a green card holder after arriving in the untiled States we have to drive to the Department of States in Cleveland to make sure I file an application for you. I forgot the application but once we have done this we can file ahead of time for your nationalization. And get motivated to look for a job like I did."

"I feel motivated for the first time now give me a kiss I missed my wife so much."

I lean in feeling myself teasingly brush my lips against his. The intensity of our love just grow.

"Why is it that you give me a boner instantly when you kiss me?"

"I don't know baby maybe just happy to see me. There is raspberry in the air and a hint of tobacco. You aren't back to smoking are you."

"Yes I drove to a trip that sells raspberry tobacco cigarettes. It's 100% tobacco not the 7000 chemicals that make it addictive boo."

He smiles, "I understand baby leave it to you to find something nature based with no chemicals and scented in the air. I'm proud of you. Did your people these and still live long lives?"

"Yes sweetie, I have something to share with you. The doctors did an X-Ray of my lungs they are clear of any chemicals and nothing else. Check the results."

"Sweetie I believe you."

When I heard this it felt good, I missed my husband so much. But I stayed strong praying to Gaia for good news.

"I will let you go through my bag I brought some stuff for you."

"What kind of stuff? Find out later. Do you wanna check on your mom at her shop?"

"Of course."

"I have something to tell you I am fluent in Creole babe."

"How baby?"

"Hypnosis I paid to learn a language and be fluent in. Plus speaking in Creole I can cuss when I don't feel like saying anything in English to those who don't speak the language."

I think he made an exception because my cigarettes were made by native American's and it's all natural. It doesn't have 7,000 addictive properties.

I got out of my rental already upset by feeling her anger, and jealousy. I had a blank look on my face taking in my environment, others making me uncomfortable.

"Emily did you bring me anything back from the states."

"Nope, just me."

"But I wanted almonds."

Like a child trapped in old woman's body she starts saying things in creole I spoke to her fluently thanking a hypnosis under my breath. As her anger flared, and she looked at me laughing.

"Oh so you do understand what I'm saying."

"Yes the whole time. I have nothing left to lose. Say more I dare you."

My husband stepped in front of us, "Emi go to the car."

"Shane don't tell me what to do, she is over the line I will not regret this at all." I pull out a cigarette stick it in my mouth and start smoking it.

"Take that cigarette out of your mouth."

"No."

"Take it out now."

"No you aren't my mother Petra. Your my mother in-law that's all. You're mad because I didn't buy you almonds or this something more. For once in your life share your true feelings now."

"I don't like you I never did. I was always worried you would kill us in our sleep. That's why we got a lock on our door. I hate how you don't go to church. I hate you always look so perfect. I hate that my son changed because of you."

I inhale smoke and exhale, "Did you ever think why your son changed was because he got tired of being treated like shit. Shane isn't your favorite son."

"Your right he isn't my favorite son Zackim is. I love Ashley not you. And I'm jealous my son never cheated on you when my husband did." She gasped saying the words.

Everyone gasped including Terry when he walked in after work.

"The truth comes out," I say under my breath.

I look at my husband seeing the heart in his eyes, "I'm sorry for upsetting you baby."

"Sweetie, I'm not upset with you the drama for me is over."

"Shane what do you mean it's over. Are you divorcing her?"

"No never I love my wife and I'm proud of her. She was right to speak up. I'm tired of you always being so negative, I knew that you loved Zackim more. Do you wanna know the truth about your favorite son? He was a bully to me all my life, he threw shit at me, he picked on me he did so much to me."

"I don't believe you Shane, he would never do that to you."

I look over on the other side a smirk on his face, "I did, I made fun of Shane, I ever called his dick a knob. I threw shit at him, I made fun of him to the point he didn't try hard in school. I shamed him, and I knew he would never have any confidence."

Hearing this from the horses mouth I wanted to cry but I was to angry to. He acted like he kept the memories as souvenirs to boast about.

"Shane has social anxiety because of me, no confidence because of me and you too Mummy."

I could see the anger in his eyes, yet he said nothing.

"I will never take this anymore, what you all have done to me. The only person who has ever believed in me is my wife. She encouraged to leave Massy, stopped me a few times from committing an atrocity. You know Mom if Zackim did this what I've done you would encourage him. You would tell him he can amount to something."

"Your right, I would. I'm sorry Shane, I'm sorry."

"No not this time, I am going with my wife back to the states. I will never think of you again or see you ever again. You lot are not my family, my wife is and her friends who have welcomed me into there lives without question. So consider me done. Emi lets go I give up on them, I wash my hands of this."

For the first time, I saw Shane feeling defeated.

"You promised you wouldn't take him away from me."

"Yes, your right I did. Living with you seeing all you have done. I am not going to encourage my husband to come back here. This place isn't good for his mental state. Petra this is my husband last time I checked I didn't say I do to you. My husband and I are a marriage, you will not insert yourself in our lives anymore. You want a green card to America file yourself, I don't want you anymore near my children for how you treat Zac. I will never let you near my husband if he wants to let him. But he is only glutting for more emotional punishment. He will never have your approval or support in anything he does. Now if you don't mind I'm leaving."

don't forget anything.

As I turn around leaving her behind the tears started happening.

"I'm sorry baby for everything."

"Baby it's not your fault, it was long over do."

That evening, he changed his number, and moved forward though I know he is hurting. I will miss Terry but no one else.

"What do you wanna do tomorrow?"

"I don't know, cuddle in bed all day with you watch some TV, let you see the gifts I bought you."

"I'm so happy everything planned out right.

"I requested two weeks off from work so we can have fun in the states, and I have a few errands to run to."

"You give a girl wheels and she wants to go everywhere."

I didn't know what to say so I just stayed silent feeling a sense of confidence.

"Mary and I made up, I don't know if her phone was really acting up or her mother can't stand me. I actually don't know who to believe but I had to make up with her. But I can't let a twelve year friendship go. I drove my old neighborhood tried making up with Suzanne putting her feeling into account breaking her McDonald's and apple juice. We had a very long talk and we are friends again. I told her where I live and work now I plan on checking on her more often. I don't care if I run into anyone I don't like."

"I understand, I'm glad you made up with Sue I know that was your hugest regret."

"It was my hugest regret."