Feeling Human part ten

Oh lord.

Bender is here, after all. The same bar Amy and I went to, of course!

There he is, looking all sullen and depressed, and I can certainly relate. I didn’t realize how much Fry meant to me until I saw someone close to me go after him…

And that someone happens to be…

Bender?

Again, oh lord!

So, this whole idea of “girl’s night out” has been turned into, “help Bender with his new and weird feelings for Fry,” night! Ugh. Just when I started grasping how I felt for Fry, too.

But, I try to push my feelings aside, to help him. Bender is my friend, after all.

So, the past hour has been like, slow moving emotions. Bender is in total denial.

Like this:

“Do you happen to feel good when he’s nearby?” Amy asked.

Bender snorted with a huge laugh, “I wanna vomit from his weird smell!”

And this:

“Does the thought of holding his hand feel nice?” Amy asked, and Bender rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, if a slimy, sweaty, greasy hand holding yours is nice!” He’s answer, not looking at either of us.

So, we have gotten no where.

Amy pulls back and whispers in my ear, “He’s not gonna admit it. Might as well go double or nothing…”

And I nod, though I wish I could just run away.

“Maybe…” I bite my lip. “Maybe I’ll finally give him a chance, then…” I take a huge sigh.

Immediately, Bender shoots me a glare. “What?! Are you serious? You… you’re going to go out with Fry? No…” he growls, and looks down at his beer. “I mean… whatever! Do what you want, Leela…” he says with a bit of emphasis on my name, and chugs down the beer quickly and looks away, clearly disgruntled.

I do mean it. I was thinking of giving him a chance, so it wasn’t entirely for Bender. Though, in some odd way, it felt good to see that Fry was wanted. It was a nice feeling of surprise hitting me, as though I wanted them to be happy. I wanted Fry to be happy.

Even if it wasn’t with me.

Ugh. I’m so… I feel like… such mixed emotions about it.

Fry has been trying to gain my sole affections forever… and even saving me so much, sacrificing himself for me on multiple occasions. He really is cute, I just… oh damn, I think I do love him…

But it’s too late, isn’t it?

I start to think it is, and as I see Bender slowly knocking down his barriers, Amy is still trying her hardest to keep it together.

Then, he started to break down.

He almost knocked down his empty bottles and threw himself on Amy, crying.

“It’s okay, it’s okay..” Amy held him and patted his back, “It’s okay, Bender..”

“Why is being human so… feel so weak?” Bender said softly, his face covered in tears.

I moved in and patted his arm, “It’s not weakness. It’s just…” I sighed, “Love makes us feel this way. It’s complicated.”

Bender seemed to only get more upset, sobbing into Amy’s chest. He sounded just like when he was a robot, emotional and sensitive. No difference at all, only that now he looked like a regular human guy, a suave and cute Mexican guy(darn him for looking so good!), he was more relatable to us.

“Umm… can you two not tell anyone about this?” Bender sniffled out, putting his hands over his face, sighing in a shaky way. I nod and so does Amy.

Then Amy goes to the bathroom. Of course!

And Bender looks at me, expecting me to talk about it without Amy.

Oh lord. All over again!

“Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I broken?” Bender asked me, his eyes red from crying.

I sighed and leaned in close, giving him a napkin. “Bender, you aren’t broken. If you do feel like… you like Fry, then, it’s a good thing.”

Bender frowned and then all of a sudden, brightened. “I don’t think I like Fry..”

“You don’t?” I almost squeak. He shook his head and I asked, “Really? What do you feel then?”

I couldn’t help it, I almost smiled—thinking this might be over and I can freely pursue Fry, but then, he says this:

“I’m… I’m in love with him…” he said, and our eyes meet. I want to die.

And my heart drops and like a hard stone—-it tumbles into my stomach.

I feel bad, and I know I shouldn’t as I have refused Fry’s love for so long. But now—-I think I will actually lose him, and that feels like a bit of death in my very heartbeat.