Ex

“Let’s break up...”

Even though I knew this was coming, the pain that shot through my veins still burned nonetheless. The bitter tears were hot on my skin even though the air around me grew cold. The signs were glaringly obvious and screamed at my face for a while now… but I was selfish. I wanted to believe- no I wanted to pretend that we were still head over heels for each other like in the beginning. My eyes darted to his trembling hands at his sides… I’m sorry that you have to be the bad guy.

“Can’t we talk about it? Please, I don’t want to lose you.”

“My feelings aren’t there anymore.”

The knife in my chest twisted at his cold tone. Short and to the point. He didn’t want this to drag on but I’m not done with this relationship yet. I needed answers. I knew the moment his figure walked through that door frame I would never get them. The words were quiet, afraid of the response it so desperately needed and left an acidic burn from the sour taste.

“Then tell me, how long?”

“I- I don’t know. Over time “I’m busy” became an excuse rather than an explanation… and my heart just wasn’t in it anymore.”

“Is that why you were distant? Every time I asked if there was something wrong you wrote it off telling me it was nothing to worry about, well this was one hell of a thing not to worry about.”

Regardless of the spite that welled up in the pit of my stomach, I wanted to be amicable... or at least less pitiful than I probably already seemed but spite had already tipped the scales. I wanted him to hurt, to even feel an ounce of the pain I currently felt but nothing. My eyes that had thought they knew his every tell were greeted with a cold icy wall as they danced about his face. So reserved and far too calm about this, it wasn't fair. Was I the only one with feelings this whole time?

No. I forgot. He can be like this because he only had salt flats left while my ocean was overflowing, leaving me with an oncoming hurricane. The person in front of me was a stranger again, not the childhood friend that was enamored by me like I for him. I was going crazy, the hurricane crashing onto my shores and flooding my mind with nothing but pain so my lips began to move in hopes speaking out the pain would ease the overflow from within. I don't care anymore.

“Is there someone else?”

“No.”

The answer was too fast and his eyes darted away from my gaze for a moment. There was more to it. I was finally able to catch an emotion but it was one I wish I hadn’t.

“You’re lying.”

“Well.. not technically. I'm interested in them though..."

Hearing that knocked the fight right out of me, bile bubbling up and threatening to claw its way out. The fire must have gone cold a while ago if he couldn't realized he had just proven my biggest fear to be true. He should've taken the lie to the grave, even if deep down I knew I was right. My walls began to shoot up, bringing my shattered pieces into the safety of my domain so I could hide from as much pain as I could. He realized a second too late of his mistake. The damage had already been done.

“Y/n I-”

“Thank you for answering my questions. I had a gut feeling it was coming to this, with how things were going it was hard to miss. Dating you was a gamble and I just drew the short end of the stick but I can’t say I regretted it. The time we spent together was some of my happiest you know."

I had to cut him off, I didn’t know how much more of this I could take. Every fiber of my being begged to be put out of my misery, it must’ve shown on my face too because for a moment his eyes softened and the remnants of the old him were there for a split second.

“... I’m sorry.”

What else could anyone say in this situation? All my words exhausted, I gave him one last haunting gift. One last tear-stained smile before leaving, heart shattered and a piece of it left with him even if he doesn’t know it.

"Hey I know I shouldn’t be doing this… but I miss you. I know it’s my fault cause I was the one who wanted to end it but I can’t help it. I try to think back on our memories but every time I try, I’m reminded of your tears… *bitter chuckles* you know it hurt to watch you leave. I didn’t realize that you were all I had and I hate myself for it. It’s been so hard to breathe since then, and I’ve just been living in pain not being able to forget you. I must’ve lost my mind that day because what did I have so much faith in to let you go? I’ve regretted it so much… You can curse me out as much as you want, as long as you can let it all out and we can go back to how we were… *sighs* not like you’ll hear this. I can’t reach you anymore."

Beep.

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Three.