Even in Death

Andrea paced through the house anxiously, looking for something to do to keep her busy. She had already handled all the important documents, contacted family, and made the funeral arrangements. Now there was the matter of Kevin's belongings. She had planned to save this step for last, but no matter how much she avoided this task, she seemed to be magnetically drawn to the items he had left behind.

As Andrea approached Kevin's closet, she was reminded of the last time she had gone through his things while he was alive. Kevin had been coming home late from work and was inattentive and cold at home. She tried to be more affectionate to regain his attention, but in an unexpected embrace, she caught a whiff of perfume that wasn't hers. That, along with Kevin's behavior, led Andrea on a search through Kevin's phone where she discovered Giselle, a young temp from his office.

Giselle was everything that Andrea wasn't. Giselle was young, vivacious, and confident. Her skin was smooth as oil and glistened in the sunlight. Giselle was never at a loss for words in a conversation. She was witty and charismatic and irresistible to a man like Kevin. He didn't stand a chance against her flattery and admiration, or at least that's what Kevin said. Kevin wanted to be loyal and faithful, but it was difficult to withstand her advances. Giselle made Kevin feel good about himself. It felt good to have a beautiful young woman hanging on his every word. Giselle made Kevin feel powerful, something that years of marriage apparently hadn't done for him.

Giselle was young, vivacious, and confident. Her skin was smooth as oil and glistened in the sunlight.

Thoughts of Giselle vanished from Andrea's mind when Kevin's suits came into view. Although most of them looked the same, Andrea noticed their subtle differences. There was the suit that he wore when he made partner at the firm. It was a dark navy blue with fine baby blue pinstripes. Kevin hadn't noticed the pinstripes on his own, but Andrea did and recommended that he wear a baby blue tie to match them instead of the navy tie he had selected on his own. Kevin scoffed at the tie, saying that it didn't look professional enough, but Andrea insisted.

Kevin reluctantly wore the tie, and at the celebration for his promotion, Bridgette from marketing noticed how well-dressed Kevin was. She was particularly fond of his baby blue tie and mentioned how she was a big Tarheels fan. For most of the evening the two chatted about college basketball as Andrea waited for the conversation to shift to something that she could speak on. As the event dragged on, it was time to relieve their babysitter, but Kevin wasn't ready to leave. So, Andrea went on home and Kevin promised that things would wrap up soon. Apparently, things didn't wrap up until the next morning.

I have to get all of this out of here, Andrea thought to herself. She didn’t want to revisit every moment of betrayal in her marriage. It was painful enough to discover all of his women the first time, there was no need to reopen those wounds now. As Andrea exited the closet in search of bags for the clothes, she passed by her bedroom mirror. She slowly backed up and looked at herself carefully. There before her stood a worn, disheveled woman. Her eyes had been the birthplace of many tears on restless nights. Her clothes were wrinkled and baggy to conceal her shriveled figure. How did she become this woman?

Her eyes had been the birthplace of many tears on restless nights... How did she become this woman?

Andrea was never witty and strikingly gorgeous like Giselle, nor was she independent and athletic like Bridgette, but she was a lovely woman with a kind personality and good taste. Kevin used to call her his gem. Whenever he doubted himself or needed help with his career, Andrea put her own goals to the side and helped Kevin succeed. She took a young man who nervously stuttered at his job interview at the firm and turned him into the bold, aggressive man who became partner there. They had both transformed over the course of their marriage, and Andrea didn’t mind the sacrifices that she made, but now that Kevin was gone, what was she left with besides this sad, exhausted shell of a woman? She had poured into Kevin for all this time, just for her harvest to be snatched away in a drunken car accident. Year after year of forgiveness and sacrifice was all for nothing. Her unconditional love never resulted in Kevin finally noticing her, appreciating her, and fully committing to her. She stayed and endured for nothing.

Andrea left the room and returned with trash bags. She didn’t know if Kevin’s things would wind up at a charity or in the trash, but she had to get rid of them. She had to get rid of any evidence of his betrayal and her stupidity. She angrily shoved his suits, ties, shirts, and cuff links in the bag. Every once in a while, she would freeze when she touched an item that initiated a fond memory, but she quickly shook it off and returned to the task at hand. None of those memories mattered now. Kevin was gone, and none of those memories mattered. Those memories didn’t matter to him when he bent Giselle over his desk. They didn’t matter when he rode to Bridgette’s apartment and had the audacity to have her drop him off at home the next morning. They didn’t matter with the young golf caddy at the country club or any other nameless women who made him “feel like a man”.

As Andrea hastily filled two bags with Kevin’s things, she noticed something at the back of his closet. There was a box wrapped in brown paper. Andrea picked it up and sat on the floor. Across the top of the box were the words “For Kate” written in Kevin’s handwriting. Kate. That was a new name she hadn’t yet discovered. Andrea glanced at the bags she had filled and then looked back at the box. Part of her just wanted to shove the box in one of the bags with the clothes and move on. There was no need to uncover yet another series of scandalous rendezvous with another one of his mistresses. Kevin was gone. None of this mattered anymore. There was no husband for her to fight for anymore. None of this should matter, but Andrea’s mind wandered. Who was Kate? How did he meet her? What charms and sexual skills did she have that made Kevin feel like a man? And most of all, what gift did he have for her?

Andrea shook the box. She didn’t hear anything rattling around. All she heard was the muffled shuffling of tissue paper. Maybe it’s something fragile, she thought. Andrea fantasized about crushing the box, destroying its contents to ensure that Kate never got the gift in one piece, but her curiosity didn’t allow her to do that. She wanted to know what was inside. After all the deception, it would be nice to finally discover all of her husband’s secrets, to have all of her questions answered.

Just as Andrea scraped her fingernail across the scotch tape that held the brown paper onto the box, the doorbell rang. Andrea groaned at the interruption. It was most likely another neighbor with an inedible casserole and the same thoughtless cliches about death. She was tired of hearing “He’s in a better place,” “All things happen for a reason,” and Andrea’s personal favorite “If you need anything just let me know.” These were people that barely spoke to Andrea and often snubbed her because she was drab and quiet, yet at the death of her husband, they were more than willing to be a shoulder to cry on.

Andrea sat the box down and went to the door. When she opened it, there stood a woman wearing a headband and a messy bun. She wore a flowy cotton dress and severely worn flats. She looked pleasant and kind, but her eyes showed signs of sleep deprivation. The two women just looked at each other until Andrea asked, “Can I help you?”

The woman struggled to find her words, took a deep breath and said, “I’m here about Kevin.” Andrea’s brow furrowed. Andrea released a deep sigh and said, “Let me guess, you must be Kate.” The woman looked confused. She turned toward a small car with faded paint and said “No, that’s Kate. What do you know about Kate?” Andrea got up on her toes to see into the car that was parked on the street. In the backseat sat a little girl with her face shyly peeking out the window. Without saying a word, Andrea left the woman standing at the door and returned with the box. She handed it to the woman and just stood there confused and lost.

In the backseat sat a little girl with her face shyly peeking out the window.

“Perhaps we could come inside, if that’s okay.” The woman asked. Andrea looked down at her feet and shook her head. The woman nodded. “I understand. Look, I don’t know the full story about all this. I just want what’s best for Kate.” Andrea raised her head. What did she mean that she didn’t know the full story? Seeing that Andrea looked confused, the woman continued. “That’s Kate in the car. She’s my niece. She’s been staying with me since my sister died.” The woman stopped speaking. She took a deep breath and tried to hold back tears. Andrea finally thought to invite her in, but before she could, the woman continued. “I told her that this would only lead to trouble. I told her what she was doing was wrong, but she never listened. We weren’t raised this way. We were taught to honor marriage, and she knew Kevin was married. I thought she had left him alone for good when the temp agency placed her at another firm, but then…” she looked back at Kate in the car.

Andrea shook her head and backed away from the woman. Kevin is gone. None of this matters now, she thought to herself. All she wanted to do was get rid of these memories and reminders of the betrayal she endured. She didn’t want to hear this woman. She didn’t want to know anything about Kate. “Just take the box and go!” She shouted at the woman and slammed the door.

The woman shouted through the door, “I can’t take care of Kate by myself! It's his fault my sister is dead! If he wasn't drunk she'd still be here!”

The woman was persistent. She banged on the front door and even began to turn the doorknob. Andrea pressed her body against the door and locked it before it could open. Her body slid down the door as she collapsed and wept. Even in his death Kevin continued to ruin her life.