Endless Rail Rhythm

“Daddy! Wait!” Her tiny shrill voice pierced his eardrum before growing distant as her dainty body flung past him. “Ok! Ok!...go…go, higher!” Her voice, gained confidence with each excited breath as she swung back towards him. Her eyes wide, fighting the urge to blink, held within watery lids refusing to blink, as the air whipped them repeatedly with each ascension towards the sky. Davin chuckled, “Ready…set…” his voice trailed off, his hand following her movement, resting gently on her lower back as he timed the next push with perfect precision. Davin made sure his feet were barely touching the floor as he cautiously swayed beside her, giving him just enough time to execute a truly perfect push. A scream of delight fluttered out from her chest, the fear had begun to fade, giving way as it was enveloped by pure ecstasy as she closed her eyes. She was truly enjoying the swing set now, the cool air rushing past her blushed cheeks, finally allowing herself to trust her father’s momentous pushes. Slowing his already slight swing to a gentle rocking, he watched her kick her legs as if stepping up towards the sky, her little pink knuckles gripped the creaking chain, her tightly braided ponytail swaying from side to side, before pointing directly towards the ground causing Davin to bite his lip and hold his breath, worried as all fathers do, that maybe he had pushed just a little too hard. His ears were met with a feverish giggle, immediately followed by another excited shriek of joy. Relaxing his expression he smiled and closed his eyes. Cool air held him in its comforting embrace, the warmth of the sun spiced his brow, a sure sign that he would wake tomorrow with a slightly sun kissed forehead. With eyes still closed, Davin felt the crisp air rush past his cheeks as his daughter swung by him again, but the giggle was gone, the creak of the chain replaced by the galling of metal screeching against itself in a frightful squeal. A woman’s voice tore through the wretched sound, eclipsing all other senses with its vigor, “Davin! Grab her! Grab her now! Oh God no, please God no!”

Davin opened his eyes to unadulterated darkness, the dark void filled his vision like thick oil, his eyelids instinctively fluttering, but to no avail. All sound had been dismissed, every ounce of light had been snuffed from existence. For a moment, Davin was confined to a point in space of absolute black inexistence. Davin began to inhale but before his lungs could fill, he was abruptly shot forward, the weight of his body flung from the void as if rejected from its presence, his brow careening into a hard invisible object, his body finding its place, pretzeled on some foreign inanimate object. His eyes began to open. Yellowish flickering dim light filtered between his lashes. He had been in a car crash once, entirely not his fault, the teenage girl behind him had rear ended his rental and the feeling of that abrasive impact was entirely how he felt now. That experience however, had at least given his body some reprieve, between the airbag and his seat, his body had been contained in a somewhat comforting position unlike it was now.

Davin forced his eyes open, blinking repeatedly at the grey surface below him. Finding his hands, he began to push himself into an upwards position, resting his back against a firm surface that felt like a chair. He sat against the cushion, one leg extended, the other folded beneath him, halfway to “Indian style” as his kindergarten teacher had exuberantly called it. His senses came online, slowly as if awaiting another shock to their system, he could feel his body moving, but not of its own accord; the entire space he found himself in was moving. The space was small, a stagnant cabin with two chairs across and two behind. A small cushioned table, which he had already been aquainted, split the room in half. For the life of him, nothing looked familiar. By the setup of the room he quickly asserted that he must be in a plane? But, it was off…he could feel a rumbling beneath him, the rumbling of motion. It had to be a train. Davin had never traveled by train before but judging by the space of the cabin and assumed windows on the wall, white light rimmed squares covered by cheap blackout shades, it had to be a train. Lifting his arms behind him, Davin began to push his body up to a standing position, but before he could make much progress the entire cabin lurched to the side, the momentum pulled his weight in accordance with the trains heaving body, causing him to tip sideways into the cabin chairs. Definitely a train. Finding his composure, he reached for his back pocket, but his wallet was absent. His wallet was missing, as was any sign of luggage in the compartment he currently inhabited. He sat for a moment, stewing on his surroundings. Still shaking off the dream which lay heavy on his mind, he struggled to remember anything about how he had gotten here. An empty cabin; a sleeper cabin at that, no wallet, no luggage. The anxiety was palpable as it stared him down, waiting for his bet, like a stone-faced opponent exuding confidence with its winning hand in tow. Davin sighed and inhaled a deep breath of stale air. He could feel the pulsing of the rails below him, but finally, it seemed it had found a steady pace. He stood, stooping slightly, beneath the dim yellow cabin light and reached for the cabin door, unsure of what lay on the other side.

The hallway was stifling, the stale air from within the cabin dissipated but to Davin’s discontent was replaced by an even emptier gust of stagnation. With reluctant indignation he surveyed the hall. The cabin he had woken in was at the end of the compartment, to his left he could see a door, the pass way coupling shifting as the train rattled on its path. To his right only a slim hallway, cabin doors all shut, giving no hint of occupation. He sighed, steadying himself, his hands resting against the hallway walls, as he began to make his way to the next car. Stepping through the coupling was almost as disconcerting as the situation he had found himself in, but finally he found his footing, any chance of quietly entering the next cabin was abruptly dismissed as he stumbled through the pass way, grabbing hold of a table, ravenous and wide eyed as he assured himself he had found solid ground. Finding himself in another empty car, David paused to deliberate. This train car held what looked to be dining tables with rotating chairs, possibly a viewing cabin? The walls were lined with windows, mostly hidden behind the same bleak shades of the room he had awoken in. A few however, were rolled up, but the scenery was just as bleak and empty as the train itself. Rolling hills off in the distance, tan empty pastures for miles, no cities, towns, or houses that could possibly hint at a location. Davin’s stomach churned, the combination of uncertainty and anger began to build within his bowels, bubbling up in his throat, forcing him to clench his teeth for fear of vomiting.

Each car was more of the same, empty, devoid of inhabitants and drenched with the same stale dry air. The scenery was bland, and each car showed no signs of inhabitation. Davin continued his journey from car to car stopping a few times to take a seat and stare out into the passing abyss. David couldn’t seem to decide on frustration or fear, he continually fought the urge to run screaming through the cars to get the attention of any possible inhabitant or even the driver itself while also debating whether to seal himself off in his original cabin and wait for the train to stop. The latter seemed inevitable, being that he had no identification or even a ticket to prove he should be on this train in the first place, he wouldn’t want to be kicked out, left outside in the emptiness of some foreign landscape without identification, money, or communication. As he sat in a dining car, his face propped up between his sweaty palms he thought about his dream, where was his family? It was so vivid, yet he couldn’t remember his own wife’s name, only his daughters, Cara. Was he on a business trip? Had he experienced an episode of amnesia? The questions were endless and unnerving, but behind them, sauntering in the shadows was an even more sinister presumption that another force was at work…something or someone had to have taken his belongings…brought him here, somehow? Davin pressed his eyes with his fingers pushing the ache of his thoughts back within his skull as if he could wrangle them physically simply by applying pressure. Deciding on the latter of his options Davin made his way back to the original car, he would wait, wait for the train to stop or his shadowy perpetrators to make themselves known, assuming they had left him in the cabin in the first place. Approaching the final pass way Davin assured himself that this was the right decision, as he looked up through the square glass window, steadying himself to open the door and make the wobbly leap to his car, his eyes met another’s. Through the tiny window a man’s eyes met his, just as wide and surprised as his own they both froze in their respective locations. The man was dressed in a uniform, his cap resembling that of a ship captain, he looked to be a steward of the train possibly making his rounds. Debating how to handle the situation Davin realized his frozen stature would most likely be perceived as suspicious and without a ticket to verify his place he decided to double down on avoiding contact. Sensing his reservation, the man waved his hand and began to rush down the hallway off the cabin car. “Shit,” Was the only word that echoed in his thoughts, blinking like a neon sign above a shady ramshackle bar in the city. Davin abruptly turned on his heels and began to briskly walk away from the sleeper car without any real idea of where he could go, he had seen stairs two cars before, maybe he could lose the man in the upper cars and double back.

“Stop! Sir?!” The man curtly called to him before he could even make his way into the next car. Davin, refusing to stop waved his hand behind in a feeble attempt to exude confidence of his place and direction aboard the train. “Sir! stop…please, I need to see your ticket?” the voice rang out again more abrasive but with slight uncertainty trailing its request. Davin froze, staring into the small glass square of the opposing train. In the reflection of the window he could make out the man’s shape behind him. The clerk had stopped as well, and as Davin stood with his back facing the clerk couldn’t help but feel they were about to act out a stare-down from an old western. Davin slowly turned to face the clerk, bringing up his hands in a gesture of cooperation. The clerk repeated himself, “Sir…can I please… your ticket sir?” Though the request was assertive, Davin could sense the man’s lack of confidence. The clerk hadn’t continued towards him but rather stared him down with shifty uncertain eyes as if awaiting an invite, which Davin found peculiar. Unable to avoid the situation entirely Davin resorted to bullshitting. With a friendly tone Davin replied, “Hey, Sir…just making my way to the dining car…what’s going on, uh…how can I help you?” The clerk remained austere, but his eyes were precarious. Stepping forward the clerk repeated himself, “Sir…please, your ticket?”

Davin had been here before, the feeling had sequestered itself deep within like the tip of a splinter, but with the clerk’s request, the feeling grumbled, turning its head, staring directly into Davin’s soul. Speak now, or forever hold your peace. Davin shuttered as the weight of his impending confession bore down upon him. Taking two steps forward he spoke, gently, almost inaudible which was laughable being that the entire car, or even train seemed to be empty, “Look, I appreciate you, and what you do…I don’t have a ticket…I think I may have misplaced it, but I assure you…” The clerk snuffed in defiance, cutting him off before he could finish, retorting, “Did…did, you just wake up?” Davin could see the mans eyes drop their purpose in hope of a common ground. “Listen…I think, I…um, my ticket it’s probably in my cabin.” Davin replied. The clerk stepped towards him cautiously, his eyes looked needful as he again cut him off, “Your cabin? What cabin number is that…sir?” Davin looked towards the floor, shaking his head in the process as if to make it known a misunderstanding was in play, but before he could speak the clerk spoke again. “Sir…do you know your cabin...did you just wake up?” Becoming increasingly uncomfortable and unsure of how to respond to the clerks prying questions, which were surprisingly accurate, Davin blurted out, “Look, I don’t have my…or a ticket. To be honest I’m feeling a little disoriented and I’d just like to go back to my cabin…the train startled me awake and I’m just...feeling a little disoriented.” To Davin’s surprise the clerk stopped in his tracks, swayed to the side as if caught by a spell of dizziness, and slumped into a chair facing an open window. Staring out, unflinching, into the vast tan emptiness the clerk sighed deeply. A few seconds passed before he spoke, still staring into the passing landscape, “I don’t need to see your ticket Sir. I just woke up as well…in the car before yours. I…I woke up in this uniform…I guess, I guess I should be checking tickets, but I honestly can’t remember falling asleep, or even getting on this train. You’re the first person I’ve come across, but I don’t recall anything before.” The clerk’s words hung in the cabin, floating towards Davin’s ears, mixed with the pungent, stale air they traveled on. Davin could see the man’s demeanor relinquish itself to utter doubt, any ounce of purpose the man had assumed to have in his role surrendered itself to diffidence. Davin’s thoughts marinated in his mind, like a stew with too much seasoning unsure of which flavor was meant to flourish, he stood bewildered at what the clerk had said. Taking a seat across from the man Davin parsed his thoughts in an effort to make sense of the situation. “My names Davin, I just woke up maybe an hour ago…in the cabin by the door. I don’t have any luggage, no wallet, and for the life of me I don’t think I’ve ever traveled by train in my entire life…until today.”

They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, Davin assumed that the clerk felt the same as him, the overwhelming confusion of their predicament didn’t make much sense and in light of their positions they could only wait for the train to stop or search every room until they found someone with an answer, but what if they only found others like themselves? The clerks name was Eddie, he had given that much before recoiling back into his chair uninterested in deliberating over the questions they both shared, he was younger than Davin with a kind face and hazel eyes, the red rims of his eyelids gave away his lack of sleep or liking of spirits, Davin couldn’t determine which made more sense. As the train continued its monotonous pursuit of an unknown location Davin suddenly felt an urge of panic, he had kept it at bay for too long and the anxiety was beginning to build back up like the sting of acid reflux in his throat. He cleared his throat and spoke, “Eddie…I’m not sure what’s going through your mind but being that we’ve both found ourselves in a similar…hmm…precarious situation, I imagine it can’t be far off from my own thoughts. I imagine every train can run themselves, but they still need a conductor…maybe we can make our way to the conductor’s car?” Davin’s statement felt halfhearted, the idea didn’t address the main issue they both were thinking, if there was a conductor who was to say he had just woken up himself? Solemnly Eddie looked into Davin’s eyes and responded, “Guess it would make the time pass…doubt we find an answer but…the train has to stop sooner or later.” In an effort to enthuse his newfound partner Davin stood and reached out his hand in a gesture of support, but before Eddie could register the movement the cabin doors opened, and an elderly couple stumbled through. Both men turned and stared blankly at an elderly couple as they casually strolled by them tripping over their own feet as they playfully nudged each other giggling like children. The women, catching their blank stares smiled and spoke in an excited tone, “Hey boys! These views! I just can’t get over these views!” She winked and grasped the hand of her male companion before strutting off to take a seat a few tables down. Davin and Eddie watched the couple in a stupor as they giggled to themselves, the man poking the women’s side as she stared out the window. In return, the women slapped his hand away and aggressively grabbed either side of his face with her palms, planting an exuberant kiss on his forehead as they both burst into laughter again. Davin turned back to Eddie and met his red rimmed eyes with a look of confusion and awe. “Eddie…the conductor’s cabin…I think, I think we should still go…” Eddie nodded in affirmation his face was slightly contorted with disgust, not at the giddiness of the elderly couple but the absurdity of the situation they found themselves in. Walking briskly, the two men made their way down the aisle. As Davin approached the pass way the train lurched to its side taking a hard turn at full speed causing him to grab the frame of the pass way door. Behind him Eddie completely lost his footing and fell to one knee adjacent to the elderly couples table. Before Davin could turn to check on his partner he heard Eddies voice address the couple, “I’m ok! Captain must be making up time!” Eddie chuckled halfheartedly and spoke directly to the couple, “You guys look to be having a blast, where are ya’ll coming from?” Davin, still gripping the doorway turned his head to the side to see the couples faces, for a second they remained silent, the man staring into his companions face before a wry smile crept across his lips and he retorted, “Son, to be honest our memories just aren’t what they were before! I think we’ve always wanted to travel by train and this view…amazing!” The man clenched his cheeks, baring a full set of flat white dentures and winked at the woman across from him before grasping her hands in his with joy. Eddie smiled and turned towards Davin, the smile fell flat as soon as he faces him, his eyes spoke volumes as he furrowed his brow nodding in the direction of the front of the train.

Davin and Eddie passed through each car in complete silence, both unsure of what lay at the end of their excursion, hopefully answers, but their optimism was drowning in doubt, deep within their bowels, they felt only dread. Each car was empty, stale, grey, except for the flickering light that filtered in through the edges of the drawn shades on cabin windows. Multiple times Davin debated whether to ask Eddie how much further the conductor’s car was but knowing full well that Eddie didn’t have the answer he only dropped his head and continued chugging along the corridors, his feet syncing with the rhythm of the wheels below them. After a while Davin lost count, they had passed through ten to twelve cars by now, but due to his lack of a reference he remained steadfast reminding himself of the times he had sat in his car waiting for the full length of a train to pass. Another door, another pass way, he briskly shuffled through and stepped to the side to give Eddie room to enter before continuing their trek. To his surprise, this car was different. As he stepped to the side he realized the cabin was much smaller, another wall with a narrow windowless door was only an arm’s length away, they had made it to the conductor’s car. As Eddie stepped into the car he found his place opposite Davin, looking up into his eyes with unspoken words. “Hope it’s unlocked.” Davin uttered under his breath as he reached for the small latch that would open the door. Sliding with surprising ease, the door shot open with an abrasive clang, rattling within the wall. Not expecting such a thunderous entrance, the two men stood shoulder to shoulder, too stunned to enter. In his peripheral Davin could see the silhouette of a man sitting at the controls, but the view out the front window was too shocking for him to even care. He could feel Eddie stumble backwards, vacating his place by Davin’s side as he fell to his knees, sucking in a deep breath of air into his lungs as his body crumpled to the floor like spaghetti falling off a fork. Astounded by the view before his eyes Davin held his gaze, stepping slowly into the cabin, resting his hand on the chair of the conductor’s chair. Frozen with disbelief he hardly noticed that the man hadn’t moved an inch in their presence. The nose of the train was barreling towards nothingness, a black point in the distance that distorted the very landscape around them. Lines of blue, tan, grey, and green shot out from the hole, blurry at first, but quickly organizing themselves into pixelated blocks before fully melting together to create the very land scape they had seen outside the windows. Davin could feel the train sway from side to side, but the point remained resolute, the tracks gave no evidence of turns or hills, the black point held itself directly in front of the train vomiting out the stringy, oily lines which became their surroundings. The fabric of the conductor’s chair felt odd, and Davin realized he was gripping the man’s shoulder, his knuckles were white with pressure as he squeezed the man’s jacket in his hand. Finally pulling his eyes away from the black hole in front of him he looked down into the face of the conductor who remained unflinching. Unwavering, callous and oddly plastic-like the conductor’s face held no emotion, his eyes, completely black, like coals pushed into his lids, remained tethered to the black point in front of him. A scream from behind him split the room in two as Eddie shrieked inaudibly, gasping for air overwhelmed by their discovery. As the fear, anxiety, and dread finally bubbled up into Davin’s throat, overwhelming his constraint, he screamed out into the cabin matching Eddie’s violent shrieks, all semblance of sanity giving way to the farcical realm in which they found themselves.

“Jesus Ch..chr..christ, talk about a grievance…just wait until they have their own labor union,” The stout young man stuttered. The woman next two him sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose tightly between her thumb and index finger as she squeezed her eyes shut in disdain. “For fucks sake, how does this even happen?! I mean, good shit, right? How can we finish any of the habitual code if the implicit coherence algorithms have no constraints? The man winced at the remark, a soft nervous giggle sputtering from his lips. She was the better programmer, but her bedside manner was overbearing to say the least. He pushed himself away from the control dashboard and turned towards her speaking in a hushed tone, “I mean, the intervals are insane…their going to be happy with the product…we go..go…got our part d..done, as much as we could, the new kid in alternative intelligence programming j..j..just has to dial it back a notch.” The woman, still pinching her brow, grumbled, growling out under breath, “Roy…we can’t show the product if the simulation keeps collapsing under that fucking kids AI algorithm. He’s using our simulation to highlight his algorithm…and damn he’s good. The SIMS are waking up straight into consciousness, NPC’s? Thing of the past…but he’s shitting all over our program to prove it…and you’re right…just wait until they figure it out…it can’t be that far off.”