Elephants Need a Break Too

Best mates Dwayne and Wayne were often to be found discussing matters of grave import. On this occasion it was inspired by the latest TV series by David Attenborough.

“He reckons that all this climate change stuff is because the planet is out of balance,” said Dwayne, “and I think I know why.”

“You do?” Wayne replied.

“That Attenborough’s all wrong about the world being this big ball spinning around the Sun. My mate Bob told me all about it.”

“Told you what?” Wayne asked.

“Bob was reading this book by a chap called Terry something. He says the world is not a ball at all, but a flat disc supported by four elephants standing on the back of a giant turtle. I think he’s right, and I can see the reason why the world is getting out of balance.”

“Which is?”

“It’s those elephants. Just think about it for a minute, Wayne. They’ve been stood there for millions of years, staring out into space, and I reckon they’re getting a bit bored by it all. They’re getting all fidgety, jumping up and down a bit. So is it any wonder they’re upsetting the balance of the world which is resting on their backs?

“You might have a point there,” Wayne said. “It would be awful if the balance problem got even worse.”

“All the oceans might spill over the edge,” Dwayne said. “Just think what would happen if all the seas just disappeared.”

“Like what?”

“No more Olympic sailing competitions or Caribbean cruises, for starters. But that’s not going to happen,” Dwayne said, “because you and I can start to do something about it.”

“Tell me more.”

“Those elephants are getting restless because they need a holiday. They want to wander off for a while, they’d like to explore other bits of the turtle, stretch their legs a bit. But they can’t do that while they’ve still got the world on their backs. What they need is a holiday relief force.”

“So what are you saying exactly?” Wayne asked.

“What I’m saying,” Dwayne replied, “is that we need more elephants.”

“So where do we come in?”

“I reckon I know where we could get the first of those elephants, and once we tell everybody about it on Facebook and the rest, other people will chip in and supply some more.”

“OK,” said Wayne, “where did you have in mind to find an elephant?”

“The Town Hall,” said Dwayne.

“The Town Hall?”

“Exactly. Did you know that sometimes you can go to the Town Hall and watch the councilors at work during one of their open meetings?”

“And you’ve done this, have you?” Wayne asked.

“Sure have. And every time I’ve been there, sooner or later one of the councilors says that they can’t do something they want to do because of the elephant in the room.”

“What elephant?”

“That’s what I mean. There must be an elephant, somewhere in the room, that gets in the way of everybody. Maybe it just gives them funny looks when it doesn’t like what’s being said, and I bet the councilors would all really prefer it if the elephant wasn’t there.”

“Have you actually seen this elephant?” Wayne asked.

“Well, no,” Dwayne replied. “Remember, I’m always up in the public gallery, so I can’t see the whole chamber, but the councilors down below must be able to, and I assume that the elephant is somewhere in the room out of my sight.”

“So what are we going to do about it, then?”

“We need to go to the Town Hall when there’s nobody there, find a way in and capture the elephant.”

“Then what?”

“We have to get it down below the world so that it can stand on the turtle and take over from one of the elephants that is already there.”

“So how are we going to do that then? Dig a big hole?”

“No need,” Dwayne replied. “There are already some mighty big holes. They’re called volcanoes, I think. All we have to do is take the elephant to a volcano and drop it down.”

“Drop it?”

“Well, we’ll have to let it down gently – on a rope, perhaps. And if the rope’s too short we’ll get another one and tie the two together.”

“Aren’t volcanoes a bit hot?” Wayne wondered. “Aren’t there lots of boiling larvas down there? We wouldn’t want the elephant to get burned, surely?”

“We’ll find a dead volcano,” Dwayne replied. “I think they call them called extant. Something like that.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Dwayne,” Wayne offered, “but one thing we are definitely short of round here is volcanoes, extant or otherwise.”

“No problem,” said Dwayne, “we’ll take the elephant abroad somewhere. We could borrow Barry’s trailer and tow it behind my van. On the way back we could use the empty trailer to bring back loads of booze and tequila and stuff.”

“Speaking of which,” said Wayne, “I’ve got an even better idea.”

“Which is?”

“We have another beer right here and now, or maybe even two.”

“Could we make that three?”

“That’s the best suggestion you’ve made all night,” said Wayne.