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by Caroline Stevens about a month ago in Love

Out of focus

Your vibe reflects your reality

Driven- Outta Focus

I thumb the little heart locket that I’ve got tucked in my pocket;

and ask myself these questions that keep haunting me;

why wouldn’t you stay?

Why couldn’t I just leave?

Why keep my head trapped where my heart can’t find peace.

Why won’t you just call me?

I’m not a car but you stall me.

We just stop, but life goes on.

Times are hard but my love grows on.

I feel like I’ve lost you...

I say I’m okay, but I dunno what to do.

So I sit here, scribbling away,

At bedtime I just think, ugh. Another day.

It’s like we’re in the fog, and we can’t see.

Is this really love, or is it misery?

It’s almost night.

Want that goodnight feeling, in your arms, so tight.

Now it’s turning into morning,

I can hear you snoring.

Love you so much the more I look at you, I see your face in that little gold heart, everything reminds me of u.

Party's over. Maybe we can hit the hotel? Show me off; why ya hiding all that love so well?

Feelin guilty for takin her there too?! Tell me, we’re we sleepin in the same bed as you two?

Say we're over; but i doubt after sex, Say I’ll never be your wife, but you know I’m better than your ex. She don’t have the little heart that I got around my chest; you gave it to me because you believed I was still the best.

Why wont you just call me?

I’m not a car but you stall me.

We just stop, but life goes on.

I feel like I’ve lost you, is it time to move on?

I say I’m okay but deep inside I’m screwed up.

So. I sit here scribbling away, grab another cup.

At bedtime I just think ‘fuck, another day

It’s like we're in the fog and we can’t see shit.

This isn’t what I wanted for my first relationship.

It’s almost night. Wrapped my fingers round that piece on my neck, so tight.

Now it’s turning into morning.

Over my heartbreak, I can still hear you snoring.

Love you so much, the more I look at you.

Then I see the shadows of the pain that reminds me of you.

You make me forget you, pawning me off to friends.

You want me to stop being around you,

But that’s where my destination is set.

You saw I was in love and your love had fucked me up, I gotta keep you interested just for me to be enough.

I’m not that great am I? I can see it in your face... You lie through those eyes when you swear I wasn’t a mistake.

Said our whole relationship was childish, but its too much effort to leave.

Cause you know that you can’t take advantage of your own anxieties.

You played me like a violin, controlling me and screamin’. Longing to be intoxicated, smokin and day-dreamin’.

Playing my heart harder and harder for you; I never get a break, But because it’s you, I never wanna not play.

So maybe I am annoying, and maybe I’m too clingy.

Still laying in bed awake with the nightmares, holding that metallic gem to get over my fears of all the shit you did to me, Wanting to leave but not wanting you to be without me.

I see us together for a long time, but you don’t see that with me.

I guess that im not perfect, but who are you to say that I’M the one whose worthless, You’re the one who cheated, now let’s talk about who isn’t worth it.

I know that you’re the boy for me, and i tried everyday to show it, That’s the one thing I’ll say that i always wanted you to know and you know it.

Dammit you mean so much to me, but now its like you’ve outgrown, The kind of love we had together; the one I still wanna own.

Even though I’m livin in your home

Why do I still feel so alone?

Me and this little part of you, reminds me that might be small but I know I’m grown.

I got you every night in my bed. But for some reason bad dreams keep fucking with my head.

Goddammit just let me sleep, he’s right here next to me, No reason to cry and scream, button my face in the sheets. The only thing I can feel is the gold pressed between my teeth. It brings me to reality.. so I ask you;

Why won’t you just call me?

I’m not a car but you stall me.

We just stop, but life goes on.

Times are hard but my love grows on.

I feel like I’ve lost you, I say I’m okay but I dunno what to do.

So I sit here, scribbling away.

At bedtime I just think, ugh another day.

It’s like we’re in the fog, and we can’t see...Is this love, or is it a fantasy? Holding the one thing that won’t leave me that I got left of you, pullin it closer to me, I scream..

It’s almost night.

Want that goodnight feeling, in your arms, so tight.

Now it’s slipping into morning.

I can hear you snoring.

Love you so much, the more I look at you.

I see your face everywhere, in everything I still do for you.

I know I love you but I know you don’t love me back, You say you got me but I see you stabbin’ me in the back.

Broke it off on our 2 year special night, all cause of a dumbass fuckin fight. Holding my locket on the tongue that I bite.

But that’s not what hurt me, there was something much more, The fact I didn’t think you’d start being a whore.

You called that old ho, barely talked to me anymore.

Wanted to call you at night, but you were sleeping in her arms while I was crying on the floor.

It’s cool, if that’s how you wanted to be. I get it, the only one I can trust nowadays is me, and I said it.

Thinkin’ if I ever got back with you, maybe you’d see.

You’re the one that’s losin, cause it ain’t my broken heart and me.

Trying to apologize, but your friend did it for you.

I knew that you were lying, I can see right through you.

He didn’t need to tell me anything for me to know the truth,

I’m glad he told it to me, but I wanted to hear it from you. He held me closer to him when he knew I needed it from you, but he didn’t know what to say, so it was all he could do.

Its okay if that’s how you felt though

Left me on our anniversary, just to sleep with another ho.

Its okay if you wanted me in pain bro

I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you, I was done with the lying.

I knew every time you went right around my back and started fuckin w them behind it.

Asked your ‘girl best friend’ to the movies,

I’m your girl, why not ask me??

Coverin ur phone but I bet you didn’t guess that I’d see?

You’re the one who did it, now you’re getting mad at me?

Not my fault that I caught you again trying to cheat.

Heard later on you were sleeping next to her too; and I’m supposed to turn the other cheek and ignore you two?

I don’t get what was goin through your head but this is not the typa shit I wanted; I should’ve ended up dead. Felt that heart on my neck, how could you when I wore it like a flex?

I should’ve stepped off that bridge;

Should’ve said my goodbyes.

I wasn’t looking back while you was in there with her when she was crying. Coming in acting all crazy and Wildin? Comin at me sideways, why only for her when you were tryin?

I slept on the floor; didn’t wanna look at you anymore. You made me feel so worthless that day, you know she showed your true colors for ya in a way.

I didn’t wanna believe it. Never wanted it to be the truth. Keep thinking that you were loyal to me; but she proved to me that I’d only had you; you kept playing those games and all I could do was beg you not to. I realized she was wearing a locket too.

I had no fuckin power. I had no fuckin say.

Now whose the “stupid bitch” that’s “gettin the fuck out MY face”

How do u think it felt to be me?

When you was out creepin on me?

You swear you never did it but I got too many things to prove it.

Her whiny voice is gonna make me lose it; why’d you have to do this? Didn’t set boundaries so y’all said screw it; even though I could’ve you know I’d never do it.

Been praying these tears away but somehow my mind keeps rushing to it. You done blew this.

Don’t you dare say that you didn’t, I’m not here cryin over nothin

Get your facts straight when you do it

You know this shit would be eating me and you know just what you did

But somehow when I ask you them questions you keep saying “my bad, I was stupid”

That only replays the heartbreak

That don’t replace them years

That don’t fix what you broke in me

Don’t find the real me through my fears

Don’t dry the necklace under my chin from all thousands of those tears

Who do you think you’re playing?

What the hell do you think this is?

Got me looking crazy going through all your texts and messages

Damn it, what am I saying? More like what am i doing?

Getting back with you after I knew who you were out there screwing.

Sayin they was the upgrade got you lookin stupid

Don’t play Cupid

You don’t wanna do this

They sad bitches n I’m the savage

Not my fault I’m still the baddest

They try and say this locket Rachet, but they’re just mad cause they don’t have it.

Can’t save me, it’s not easy, drowning myself with the music from our TV. down goes a bottle while you were out playin hooky.

Somehow buried in my love for you I knew u wasn’t true to me.

How am I supposed to live with this? Doin it all but I havent dropped a diss. Trying to get me closer, but I don’t wanna kiss.

Get your lying mouth away from me, you don’t deserve this...and now I know the answers to my forbidden questions:

I know why you wouldn’t call me,

I’m not a car but you stalled me.

We just stopped, but you and her went on.

Times are hard; and my love seems to be gone.

I feel like I’ve lost you, and maybe I did.

I say I’m okay, but I remember what you said.

So I sit here, scribbling away...

At bedtime I just think, goddamn. I don’t wanna be awake.

It’s like we’re in the fog; and we can’t see.

Wishing this was love, but instead it wasn’t meant to be.

Its almost night

Want that goodnight feeling, I’m hugging my pillow so tight.

Now it’s turning into morning,

You aren’t by me snoring.

Loved you so much, but now I don’t want to.

No more reminders, I just wanna hide from you.

Driving in the past, driving in the pleasure. Might not be together, but i still got your sweater.

going around with another ‘bitch’, she can go ahead an have you. If you’re dumb enough to shit on me, then why wouldn’t you to her too?

Maybe I dodged a bullet, even if you’re the one that left me.

I feel like it was over anyways, glad you left the better parts of me.

Go ‘head and run back to her, if that’s what you wanna do.

Cause I was the survivor and now she’s the fuckin tool.

I was the one who really cared, even when you knew you didn’t, I was the one who loved, even though you lied when you said it.

loved a prince and now I’m sleeping with my enemy, Just wanted you to stay, but you wanted to leave.

So this time I’m gonna let you,

Only cause now I want it too.

I know I don’t need you, and I tell myself that everyday.

Even if my life seemed meaningless without you, I know I’ll be okay.

I just need a gram and a swisher,

To pretend you don’t miss her. Wishin you were never with her and that I couldn’t remember, I know I don’t want to relive what happened last December

Why’d you do this to me?

You said you could see right through me , You still hurt my feels and I can’t get you to be here for me

You didn’t want me anyways

So what if I die today?

You’d finally be free from me and I’d finally forget the pain

I know why you wouldn’t call me

I’m not a car but you stalled me

We just stopped and you and her went on

Times are hard now my love seems to be gone

I feel like I’ve lost you and I guess that I did

I say I’m okay but then I remember what you said

So I sit here scribbling away

At bedtime I just think

I’m done with this shit today

Now it’s turning into morning

I jumped this time so you can’t be by me snoring

Loved you so much but now I don’t know how to

I used to go with you everywhere and now hell reminds me of you

Holding my locket in your hand, crying that this wasn’t part of your plan, feelin less and less like a man; shaking legs you can barely stand

You yell out your apologies but now I won’t hear em, I wonder if her shirts I’d found are still in your room; you can dry your teary eyes with them.

Caroline Stevens
Caroline Stevens
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Caroline Stevens
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