DRAMA ON HOLLYWOOD BLVD
Impersonating Princess Leia and Superman for a Short Script Romantic Comedy
INT. LA METRO BUS - MORNING
TODD WILLIAMS (30'ish with a face that could pass for Henry Cavill in the right light) is dressed in a full Superman costume as he rides the LA Metro bus along La Brea Ave. North.
LITTLE BOY (5-year-old bedhead) stares fixedly at Todd.
Todd salutes the boy with a big cinematic smile. Little Boy tucks his head into his MOTHER (Too young to dress this middle-aged) who smiles back at Todd.
TODD: "Good morning, Ma'am."
Todd turns to look at Los Angeles waking up outside his bus window.
TODD : "I love this."
INT. CAR - MORNING
LEIA TANENBAUM, (20's confident with a face that looks like Carrie Fisher on a good day) is driving her car while dressed as Princess Leia from "Star Wars IV."
SADIE (Late-teen's bright-eyed) dressed as Anna from "Frozen" is hogging the rearview as she applies fake freckles to her cheeks.
SADIE : "Just because your parents named you Leia does'nt mean you have to dress the part. I've got an extra Elsa costume. You'd look great as a platinum blonde and we'd make a lot more tips.”
LEIA: "Hated Frozen."
Sadie glares at Leia who's oblivious to her friend's reaction as she tries to navigate down a busy La Brea.
SADIE: "Well, I like Padme better."
LEIA : "You don't have to get ugly."
SADIE: "You should have gone Slave-girl."
LEIA: "Disney isn't marketing Slave-girl anymore. I want to respect that."
SADIE: "Respect? Slave-girl is where the money is.
LEIA : "Slave-girl is where the groping is."
SADIE: "You could use a good grope. When's the last time you had a boyfriend?"
LEIA: "Right now, Sadie, I need a boyfriend like a Wookie needs a bicycle.
INT. PARKING GARAGE - MORNING
Leia, looking for a place to park, passes Todd and HANK (20, hipster) dressed in a Robin the Boy Wonder costume who leans against an open hatchback vaping.
HANK: "How long you been doing this?"
TODD: "I don't know. A few years? Give-or-take."
HANK: "I've been doing this a few years. You've been here way longer, dude. Why don't you retire? Get out of this cesspool, move, maybe open an alehouse that serves wings.”
TODD: "Because I love this job."
HANK: "Job? Screw that noise, hobby, past-time, maybe, I'll even except lifestyle, but job? "
TODD: "I love the kids, the crowds, the whole tacky thing. I feel important, ya know? The way the kids look up to me."
HANK: "Kids suck most of all, and they aren't looking up. They're looking at, and wishing we were someone else. We're not important, we're impostors. I got called a cos-player this morning! Ticked me off. Now I got to go out there and be all dynamic with that shit hanging over my head.”
The two pop red-bulls, Todd toasts.
TODD: "Blessed are the cos-players."
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD - MORNING
THRONG is the word to describe the TOURISTS on Hollywood Boulevard along with STREET PERFORMERS (average Joe's and Janes with threadbare costumes, and a lot of moxie) trying to look like someone else for tips.
Todd and Hank confidently stride through the crowd. Saying Hi to the other performers, shaking hands with Tourists, and posing for pictures.
During one photo session, a YOUNG FAMILY (30's with kids happy confusion) snaps a photo while HANK displays a kung-fu pose.
FAMILY SON: "Which Avenger are you?"
FAMILY MOM: "You're not Ant-man?”
HANK: "Do I look like Ant-man? Ever crack a comic? Watch a cartoon? TV? Pop culture, people, pop culture! Na,na, na, na, na, na! I'm Robin, as in Batman and Robin?”
FAMILY DAUGHTER: "Batman! I want a picture with him!"
HANK: "He isn't here."
Disappointed the family moves on.
TODD: "Whatever happened to Batman?"
HANK: "He and Black Widow got married, moved to Poughkeepsie or Milwaukee. Someplace with a lot of E's in it."
TODD: "You two were making bank together."
HANK: "I know, not making shit now."
TODD: "Why don't you dress up as someone else?"
HANK: "Because I'm motherfucking Robin!"
TODD: "Hey, chill."
HANK: "Would it kill you to wear a Batman costume and help a brother out? God!"
The two stand in silence for a long, long awkward moment while the crowd drifts around them.
HANK: (Continued) Anyway, I'm patient, there will be another.
TODD: "Another what?"
HANK: "Batman. There's always another Batman. Nature abhors a vacuum."
TODD: "So... Black Widow, Huh?"
TODD: "The blonde one or the one with the...?
HANK: "The one with the..."
TODD: "Weren't you and her?"
HANK: "Ever think of hooking up with a widow or a princess maybe getting married?”
HANK: "You could use a hook-up."
TODD: "I like the way my life is right now. I don't want to drama up the Boulevard. Hooking up with anyone here would mess with the atmosphere.”
Hank looks around at the carny-like hustle.
The jostling of the crowd parts and directly in front of Todd's view is Leia.
TODD: "Then again..."
Todd walks toward Leia, but the crowds merge back together blocking her from view.
Todd gets pulled back by a KID (6 with sticky fingers) who's tugging his cape. Kid's DAD and MOM (Typical Midwestern Tourists) egg Kid on while snapping pictures.
Todd takes one last look as Leia is lost to the crowd. Swallowing his frustration he turns around with his best cinematic smile.
TODD: "Hi-ya folks, you want a photo?"
The Dad holds up his cell phone with a pick if Todd and his kid in it that he just took.
DAD: "Already got one, sport."
INT. SAL'S BAR - NIGHT
Think of the famous painting Nighthawks only its Todd and Hank sitting at the bar along with MICKEY (A guy in a Mickey Mouse Costume drinking a cocktail through a straw) and FREAK (40's JOHN 3:16 T-Shirt.)
TODD: "She was perfect."
HANK: "Again with the Leia."
TODD: "All day I looked for her. All-day. Nothing."
HANK : "Todd's got it bad for the new Princess Leia."
FREAK: "Proverbs 21:9, man. Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."
MICKY : (In Micky Mouse Voice) "True dat."
HANK: "Freak, save it for the street will ya? "
FREAK: "Funny you should use the word save because..."
TODD: "One second she was there, then next , boom lost in the stupid crowd."
HANK: "I never heard of a smart crowd."
TODD: "If she were here, if she were right here, now, here, I'd ask her out, screw the atmosphere."
HANK: "And look, Ta-da!"
Leia and Sadie enter the bar. They glance over and smile at the boys as they sit at a table.
TODD: "Should I go over there?"
MICKY : (In Mickey Mouse Voice) "The man said, "ta-da."
LEIA: "This place is nice."
SADIE: "They don't mind impersonators and they've never carded me, so, yeah, nice."
LEIA: "Those guys are looking at us."
SADIE: "Guy's always look at us."
LEIA: "Yeah, but they're talking about us."
SADIE: "Guy's are always talking about us."
LEIA: "Yeah, but now ones coming over."
SADIE: "Guys are always..."
Todd arrives at the table.
TODD: "Hello, my name's Todd. Todd Williams."
LEIA: “Aren’t you a little short for a Superman?”
Todd looks over at his friends. Hank lifts his glass, Mickey gives an oversized white thumbs-up, Freak waves his "Repent" sign.
TODD: "I noticed you were new to the Boulevard and I just wanted to welcome you. Officially."
LEIA: "Officially? I didn't know there was anything official about the Boulevard."
SADIE: "Leia! Don't mind her. That's very nice of you. I'm Sadie, and this is Leia."
TODD: "I've seen the movie."
Leia rolls her eyes.
LEIA: "My name is actually / Listen, um, Todd? I'm just here for a cosmo so..."
TODD: "Oh, right."
SADIE: "You're really sweet, Todd. She shoots everyone down."
Todd turns to walk away, but his friends wave him on.
TODD: "Listen, I'm sorry, I know I'm in this get-up, and... I saw you today and... Do you like art?"
TODD: "Good, neither do I, so we got that in common, and we like to dress as our heroes, so we got that too. Let's see if we have anything else in common. I've lived in this city for ten years and everyone keeps telling me LACMA is pretty good so will you go with me, during lunch tomorrow, and we can hate art together?"
Leia looks a little startled and shakes her head yes.
INT. PARKING GARAGE - MORNING
Todd and Hank are leaning against Hank's car. Both look hungover as they gingerly sip their red-bulls.
TODD: "Didn't sleep, you?"
HANK: "I feel great. Like a new man. A new man who's been passed out for six hours.”
TODD: "I know I'm an idiot, but why did I have to feel like one all the time?"
HANK: "Answers in the question."
TODD: "I was drunk and I just walked up and asked her out. I've ruined everything."
HANK: "Ruined your dry spell, if you're lucky.”
TODD: "Life was perfect and now I got this going on. How can I got out there and be all..."
TODD: "I should cancel it."
HANK: "One more step down the road to shut-in's Ville."
TODD: "Wonder how many other people woke up this morning with the same problem.
INT. CAR - MORNING
Leia dressed in "EPISODE V" Hoth Costume is white-knuckle driving through traffic. Sadie tucks on her Elsa wig.
LEIA: "I can't believe I said yes."
SADIE: "Actually, you nodded."
LEIA: "And after what happened in Vegas too, Why did I say yes?"
SADIE: "Because he was cute, and he came back after we shooed him away, which means he has confidence."
LEIA: "No, that means he was drunk."
SADIE: "Confident; and because you two have things in common, and what's that about Vegas?
LEIA: "I really didn't want this."
SADIE: "Yes you do. I see you're wearing the Hoth costume in the middle of the summer. The one from the poster where Han and Leia are like swoon! You should have gone Slave-Girl."
LEIA: "That's a Third-date costume."
SADIE: “And Vegas?”
LEIA: “That was a Third-date mistake.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD - DAY
Hank is working the crowd, taking pictures, Todd’s not into it.
TODD: "I may be gone for some time."
Todd walks away through the crowd past Freak who's giving an impassioned speach while waving his repent sign.
FREAK: "Woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him."
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD - LATER
Sadie pushes through the crowd and finds Hank.
SADIE: "Where's your friend?"
HANK: "Well, hello."
SADIE: "Where's, Super-Jerk? He was supposed to meet Leia."
Hank looks around and doesn't see Todd anywhere. He pushes through the crowd toward Mickey.
HANK: "Mick, you seen Todd?"
Mickey does a little pantomime motion.
HANK: "Cut the shit, Dave!"
Mickey puts his hands on his hips.
MICKEY: (In Mickey Mouse Voice) "Never break character, dude."
SADIE: "Have you seen Todd, yes or no?"
MICKEY: (In Mickey Mouse Voice) "I think I saw him go that way."
The crowds part to find Todd sitting in the Starbucks coffee window, slowly eating a slice of chocolate cake.
HANK: "Nothing's more depressing then a man sitting alone at Starbucks eating a slice of cake."
INT. STARBUCKS - DAY
Hank and Sadie sit down across from Todd.
TODD: "Do you mind? I'm eating here."
HANK: "So, did you break it off or are you standing her up?"
SADIE: "He stood her up, Jerk!"
Hank cuffs Todd on the head.
SADIE: "Do you have any idea how long I've been trying to get her on a date?"
TODD: "I froze."
SADIE: "A pun, now?"
TODD: "No, I mean, I got scared. I was thinking of Batman and Black Widow in Miami."
Sadie gives Hank a what-the-fuck look.
HANK : (To Sadie) "They're friends of ours."
TODD: "Batman left here after he fell in love."
HANK: "Dude, you're not going anywhere. You're going on a date. It's legit like only a few blocks from here."
SADIE: "And who said anything about love?"
TODD: "But what will it lead to?"
Hank now gives Sadie a what-the-fuck-look, then shrugs and nods in agreement.
TODD: I was in a book store the other day, and I was looking at a Kindle, and I got to thinking how much I missed books, you know? I'm in a damn bookstore, surrounded by books, and still missing books while looking at its replacement! What I'm saying is, I hate seeing the end of things. I hate change. I love it here. Doing this. For these people. This big dumb crowd. I like taking the bus from Culver City. I like being Superman."
Sadie starts to soften to Todd's speech.
HANK: "Maybe you need to start to like being Todd Williams?"
SADIE: "I don't think Todd William's a bad guy, a jerk, but not a bad guy."
HANK: "He's a hell of a lot more interesting then Clark fucking Kent."
SADIE: "Just between us. What you just said? I think you and Leia have three things in common. She doesn't want to be Princess Leia Tanenbaum, she wants to be General Leia Organa-Solo. So why don't you go meet her and see what else you have in common?"
HANK: "Or, you can take another bite of that stale, pathetic, overpriced cake. Hey, it's your life."
Hank and Sadie get up to leave and Sadie turns around.
SADIE: "Besides, if you don't want to be Todd, then do you really want to be a Superman who stood up a Princess?"
TODD: "Hey, wait."
Sadie and Hank turn back.
TODD: "Eat the cake, Robin, I gotta up-up-away."
Todd exits Starbucks while Hank and Sadie watch from the window, jaws open in amazement.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD - DAY
Todd takes three steps just outside Starbucks, and leaps...
The last thing Todd's foot touches is Christopher Reeve's Hollywood Star, as he launches into the air in a BLUE, YELLOW, AND RED RAINBOW streak of color and wind.
The CROWD all turn and look up just in time as Todd's shadow covers the crowd followed by an enormous gust of wind.
EXT. LACMA -DAY
Leia waits just outside the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, losing her patients. Then A GROUP OF ART LOVERS (Mixed Extras Kind of People) looks up in awe just as Todd makes a delicate perfect landing right next to her.
LEIA: "Well, you sure know how to make an entrance, don't cha?"
TODD: "Well, I..."
LEIA: "You're late. Did you know you were late? Do you have a watch hidden somewhere on you?"
TODD: "I'm sorry, I..."
LEIA: "Well, come on, they're doing a tour of the modern gallery and I want to be there to heckle the docent when they talk about Lichtenstein."
TODD: "...ah... Ok."
LEIA: "After, Pizza, I'll pay half."
TODD: "Um... about the pizza. I'll pay for it."
LEIA: "You really are super, Todd."
EXT. HOLLYWOOD BLVD -DAY
Hank does a pow fist pose with HERB (Huge man in a Batman costume,) a TITLE under the shot reads "One Year Later."
Todd and Leia walk up, both are dressed in civilian clothes.
TODD: "Can we get a picture?"
HANK: "Todd? Leia? Wow! I didn't even recognize you!"
TODD: "We've got news."
HANK: "So have I, Hey Herb!"
Hank pulls Herb over to them.
HERB: (Perfect Delivery) "I'm Batman!"
HANK: Yeah bank! My tips have tripled! So, what's you're story?
LEIA: "We're moving to Albany, to open up an Alehouse that serves wings!"
HANK: "Albany! Shit! That's great! I think that's where the Old Batman and Black Widow moved too, you should look them up.”
TODD: "We will. We will. I just wanted to say thanks, Hank. For everything."
HANK: "No thanks needed, Civilian, it's all part of the job. I'm just glad I got to see a few years of your life up-close."
LEIA: "Have you seen, Sadie. She had something special planned for your 21st."
The Three look around just as the Throng of Tourists part, and walking in perfect slow motion is...
SADIE dressed in a Killer Sexy Black Widow costume.
HANK: "Holy Bombshell, Batman."
HERB: "Steady ol' chum."
TODD: “Happy Birthday.”
The Friends enjoy each other's company as a new SUPERMAN IMPERSONATOR crosses Hollywood Boulevard. Hank eye's his approach as Todd and Leia say their goodbyes and disappear into the crowd.
HANK: "Nature abhors a vacuum."
:FADE TO BLACK