Don't Tell Me Twice: Chapter Four

Buck woke up, slobber matted across her hair and face. She looked at the walls of her empty bedroom and noticed how vacant the room felt without Olive’s presence. She had bought the house, so they had their own place to go back to between the tours and concerts. Eventually, she had figured that they would settle down and have a family of their own. She had spent many nights daydreaming of their happy life and the beautiful things that their future would bring, but now, everything had changed. Olive was gone, and Buck felt like her future plans had left with her.

Buck rubbed her face, feeling the throbbing pain behind her eyes and nose. She hadn’t been sleeping well the last few nights, and her dreams comprised memories of Olive that were distorted by moments created by her imagination of Olive leaving her for Viola. Everything reminded her of the other woman, the pictures, the carpet, even the knobs on the doors. They had designed the house together, and now it was just a large time capsule of their memories.

Buck rolled out of bed and walked towards the kitchen. It was the one place in the house that didn’t remind her of her former love. Olive hated cooking and wasn’t much for sitting at the table to enjoy meals together, so they had barely spent any time in there. They usually had ordered out and sat in front of the television while they dined. It hadn’t seemed like that big of a deal at the time, but the more that she thought about it, the more she realized how much she wished that they could have spent those nights differently, enjoying an intimate moment together filled with conversation.

Buck shook her head, bringing herself back to reality. She put a coffee filter in the coffee machine and filled it up with crushed, aromatic beans. She really needed to get out of the house. She needed to take time to clear her head. Buck had spent the last couple of days cooped up, trying to get her writing abilities back. She used to write a song in a matter of hours. Now, she was happy if she could write a few words before she crumpled up the paper that she was writing on. Nothing that she wrote sounded right. Her heart wasn’t into it.

She knew that it wasn’t healthy to stay in her house, alone, the way that she had been, especially right after a break-up. She needed to get out into the world and socialize. She needed to quit feeling sorry for herself. She wanted to move on. Olive had. Why shouldn’t she?

The band’s tour was postponed for the time being until they found a new guitarist. That gave her plenty of time to travel and clear her head. Maybe she would meet someone that way. Maybe she would just begin to feel good being alone. She wasn’t sure how she would feel, but she knew that she needed to approach things differently. Buck planned to see her friends and family during her break. From what she had heard, Spike and Jemma had gone back home to see their families, and they were having a blast. She wanted to feel like that, happy, content, like she belonged somewhere. Jemma and Spike had called every day since they postponed the tour to check-up on her and tell her about their travels and the experiences that they had since spending time with their families. Both women encouraged Buck to get out of the house to see loved ones, and Buck finally caved.

She had originally avoided seeing her family back home in fear of the conversation that they would have with her about the articles involving Olive cheating on her in the tabloids. She had known that they were probably waiting to talk to her about the break-up, and she wasn’t sure how she would respond to their judgment of Olive. She still had feelings for the other woman even though they had parted ways, and it would be difficult listening to her family say negative things about the other woman, but she knew that she needed to be somewhere where people loved and cared about her, so she had called the travel agency to check ticket pricing and planned to schedule a flight back home at the end of the month.

Buck pulled a glass out of the cabinet and filled it with the hot, black liquid that she had made earlier. She poured in some milk and pressed the glass to her mouth, letting the warm liquid fill her with comfort. Buck took another sip, and as she did, she heard a loud knock at the door.

“Hello,” she called, choking on her coffee. The image of Olive standing at the door permeated through her mind, and Buck ran to open it expectantly. However, her heart sank when she saw that the person on the other side of the door wasn’t her but instead a large, burly man sporting a baseball cap. “Jim?”

“You look disappointed,” her old friend chuckled, letting himself in.

“No, just confused,” Buck replied. “I thought you were someone else.”

“Olive?” Jim asked, sympathy erupting on his face.

“Yeah,” Buck said. “Stupid, right?”

“No, not at all,” Jim replied. “I can understand that you miss her. You two were together for a while.”

“Yeah, we were,” Buck replied. “I thought we would be together for the rest of our lives.”

“I’m sorry that it didn’t word out,” Jim told her, patting her on the back.

“Me too,” Buck sighed. “I just don’t know what to do with myself. It was so different when she was around.”

“You just need to reevaluate things,” Jim said, pouring himself a cup of coffee and making himself comfortable.

Buck eyed Jim, a smile on her face as she watched him go through her house as if it was habit. “So, anyway, why are you here?” she inquired as he snooped through her cabinets.

“I came to check on you,” Jim told her. “Your mom called and was worried about your wellbeing.”

Buck rolled her eyes. “Why didn’t you just tell her I was okay,” she said. “She need not be worrying about me.”

“You know that I can’t just make things up when I don’t know the truth,” Jim told her. “I was worried about you too. From what I saw in the tabloids…”

“The tabloids,” Buck replied, shaking her head. “Why can’t they just mind their own business?”

“You know that they don’t do that,” Jim said. “Anyway, from what I heard in the tabloids, the break-up was bad, and it worried your mom. She asked me if I had heard from you recently, and when I told her I hadn’t, she asked if I would fly down to see you to make sure you were alright.”

“What about Stacey and the kids?” Buck asked, knowing that his wife probably had her hands full if he left her with all three children.

“She will be okay,” Jim said. “Besides, she will have extra help when I get back, so I’m sure that she will be more than delighted when I bring you back with me.”

“What do you mean?” Buck inquired. “I wasn’t planning on going back home until the end of the month. I haven’t even bought a ticket.”

“I bought one for you,” Jim told her with a smile. “You and I are going back tomorrow, and Stacey even spruced up the guest house so you can stay with us.”