Doggone it!

"What do you think I am, a matchmaker?"

My Labrador friend just doesn't get the dating thing. He's now on the phone, and I have to take this call. He wants me to set up a date for him. This is his profile picture. He got a bit formal with the bowtie, what can I say, he's clueless!

Contrary to what many think, we dogs are not alike. He joined the Canis Matcher site, but could not navigate it adeptly. He says too many hook-ups, break-ups, and that awful thing known as ghosting do not sit too well with him. Table for Can-Nine dating service did not float his boat either. He likes the old-fashioned approach; woof-of-mouth!

"I've been with the same guy for light years, Do the math in dog years now!"

Anyhoo, it's only natural he's wants my advice.

"Have you loved like a German Shepherd? I know all about being one. Loyal and protective, I will not refuse to bite the world if there was a slightest threat to my family."

Now, he wants me to prepare a quick cheatsheet for him on doggie personas. One caveat, I have bitten a good number of good people, loyalty over judgment, I say. When it comes to family, better to be safe than sorry.

The first single gal in my friend list loves like a retriever, a complete contrast to me. She will fetch and please anything you throw. However, she believes everyone and everything. "Too trusting," that is what I tell her all the time.

I look at the profiles of my other friends. There are some real possibilities.

"She is a happy gal, and she will splash sunlight all over your world.She’s the beagle. Rest assured, even in your most crabby moments, she will squeeze out a smile."

I can hear him scratching the pen on the writing pad, as I scroll down my friend profiles.

"This one's a lot like you; laidback!" She gives space to do what one likes. Friendly to all, she loves like a Labrador. "There's a good fit, you both are like-minded. However, if you're looking for opposites, let's move on."

The Italian greyhound is like a red-hot Latin lover. She comes with the zest for life and a sense of la dolce vita. The men in her pool can pursue gals in a racy manner, she likes that. However, racing off at 45 miles an hour is the reason why she's looking at dating outside her pool. Most of them are in for the hunt. "She may appreciate your stable quality."

"Can you love the strong-willed person any less even though she comes off a bit into herself and not you? " The Chow-Chow love is not exactly what most want if looking for adoration. "..but, if you love her, it's because she is just who she is." High maintenance!

"Did I mention the guy who fell in love with the fashionista?"

It was puppy love for him the instant he clapped eyes on her at the busy Champs-Elysées. All manicured and groomed, she looked at his wagging tail and salivating mouth with icy hauteur.

“Mongrel,” she sniffed with her nose high. "No provenance, either," she exclaimed, walking away from his ardor.

"Now, you don't be put off by her snobbery."

On her way out, the poodle ever so discreetly dropped a fine, perfumed, lace handkerchief.

"I had to bring this to the clumsy oaf's attention, and that was how the lady got her tramp."

"If you love an independent gal, the Akita is the one for you. If you seek the warm-fuzzies, the touchie-feelies, look elsewhere. If you celebrate individuality like I do, she's the one for you."

After all, it's better not to be too clingy like the Bichon-frisé and have attachment issues to one person.

"I do like her resilient, pleasant, and great personality."

The guy from Mexico surely has a Napoleon complex. He overcompensates for his size with assertiveness. Yet, it’s hard to take the chihuahua seriously. My quiet amiga Josefina is looking for less yipping, yapping, and barking. "Should I let her know?"

Strong and silent, the Basenji can fill someone's life. From Africa, she yodels like she’s from the Alps.

"However, one has to spend sometime understanding what she truly wants."

I wish she spoke more and yodeled less.

It’s not silly to wonder if the alpine St.Bernard may out-yodel the Basenji. Not to burst a bubble, let’s just say this massive dame is better at other things than music. She’s the best rescuer of lost and stranded souls in the high, snowy mountain or frozen pond. "Big Mama is priceless!"

Collie loves the herd; from grandparents to the smallest infant in the house, she will always be the family kid. She will bring much joy and love to all." You may have to share the love."

Loyal love like ours will not shirk from protecting others despite fires, floods, or calamities. That is why our human friends hold us in high esteem. The dogged persistence makes it easy to recognize the mother lode of love in its purest, most valuable form.

"That's all the profile heads-up I can provide to you for now. When I friend more single-ready-to-mingle folks in my social account, I'll alert you. Until then, keep looking and don't stop loving!"