Doe Money, Doe Problems
Just a small town doe trying to make a buck
“Get a real job,” they said. “Frolicking in the woods won’t pay the bills no matter how ‘majestic’ you are.”
So I got my resume together, made a Linkedin profile, and applied to a bunch of places. It took about six months, but I finally got a job at a company that handles intellectual property. It’s not what I went to school for, just something I could learn on the job.
I have good communication skills and I can handle a spreadsheet, unless you want me to write formulas or macros. For stuff like that I’m useless. I’m not great with numbers, I’m a cervid for Christ sake. Leave the accounting to the cephalopods.
The company made reasonable accommodations. A modified keyboard designed for typing with hooves. An ergonomic chair to support my back and hind quarters. This is actually a really good job. I should be content.
I should count my blessings. Practice some self care. List my favorite things like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. That film has always been a favorite of mine since I was a fawn for obvious reasons.
Doe a deer, a female deer. Ray, a drop of golden sun…
Where’s my golden sun? I barely leave this office. The blue light from the monitor is giving me eye strain and this salad I ordered for lunch tastes like a plastic bag. I prefer fresh. But those things I can deal with. It’s the mental stress that’s really got me down.
There used to be six of us here, but Nancy retired, god bless her. Then Keshia left for greener pastures. Not literally. I mean she got a new job. They won't hire anybody to replace her. Instead, we had to redistribute her clients.
They make it seem like if we just organize ourselves a little more, we can and should be able to handle all this work. It’s playing tricks on my mind. If I leave something unfinished at the end of the day, I’m never sure if it’s me being inefficient or the company asking for too much. Whatever the case, these deadlines keep me up at night.
My friends tell me to go spend some of this money I’ve been making. Frankly, I don’t really know what to spend it on. I’m not buying a car. I don’t drive. It’s too difficult for us quadrupeds. Clothes aren’t my thing either. I don’t need them with my natural fur, and they never fit right anyway. Makeup? Jewelry? Forget it.
I miss frolicking. I mean, I do it on the weekends. I even joined a Facebook group for other animals with desk jobs who frolic on their days off. It’s just not the same. I get so depressed on Sunday nights, just knowing I’ll have to go back to my emails and spreadsheets.
I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. All I want to do is get out in the woods, smell the flowers, munch grass, and frolic as nature intended.
I’m doing it. I’m going to email my boss and tell her I quit, effective immediately…There.
Oh, my god, that felt good. I’m free and it's a beautiful day outside. The grass is so green! I will never look back. This is what life’s all about!
BLAM!
********************************
Two hunters stand over a fresh kill.
“Looks like you bagged another one, Johnny.”
“Yeah, it was the darndest thing. This white tailed doe ran right into my sights, grinning like an idiot, looking like she’d never been outside before. She was wearing those glasses.”
“What’s this world coming to?”
“I don’t know, man. At least she died happy, doing what she loved. Now help me get her into the truck. We’re having venison tonight!”
About the Creator
Leslie Writes
Another struggling millennial. Writing is my creative outlet and stress reliever.
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Comments (18)
This was fun, full of humor, then bam - did not expect that twist! Really fun story!
Well, didn't see that coming! Great job with this one!
Oh my lord!!! Haha... From the work force straight to the dinner table. Loved it! Subscribed and hearted.
Wow, that was a surprise ending
I gotta agree with the other comments…that ending really got me! Well done. I loved it.
Oh goodness. I was just smiling and laughing, and bam! Great job.
Bambi’s mom! 😂. Brutal but great story. ❤️
Nooooo! You killed her off, I was just about to tell her to check out Lucky P.'s rap show (he's not much for being on the job either, LOL). Damn, I didn't see that coming, I wasn't prepared! Well done!
I was really getting into this, loving all the little accommodations you thought of for her to have a job and her feelings of not knowing what to do with money she didn't need. I felt so excited for her when she quit and then...I was like, take it back! Be another doe! Noooo, poor doe. Lol. Great storytelling!!
Omg I was laughing and then so sad. Probably very symbolic of work life too. We work all our live to pay the bills and retire. Before you know it there is that Bang not enough time. Need to frolic now while we have a chance ❤️
What!!!! Nooooooo I was right there with her work sucks let’s go frolic then OMG bang
How sad... What a story!!! Good job!!!
Oh nooooo, poor Doe 😭😭😭 I did not expect that at all. Your story had me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Fantastic story!
I’m all for the frolicking! 😅 This was relatable and also very entertaining, I love your humor! I was not expecting that ending, tho 🥹 Well done!
Oh deer, and some brilliant puns and that ending. Love this
Poor doe. 🥺 Then again, I’d rather die than have an office job, haha. This was funny, sad, and strangely relatable. I love the punny title and subtitle.
Oh man this is some real writing! Masterpiece. Hilarious, cute, sad, fantastical, real, and personal. Better than we deserve. I love it so much I’m getting mad.
OMG you did not end it that way! Im dying though, that was absolutely hysterical throughout starting with the title and subtitle! Tell your friend that image is fantastic too. Frolic on! 🤣