Do you have any funny jokes?

Do you have any funny jokes?

1, the husband went to take a bath, a female friend on his mobile phone message to: what are you doing? On the spur of the moment, I replied: I was thinking of you. They say: Really? I was bored, so I replied: I sent that message. I'm his wife. The other person replied in seconds: Great! I wondered: Huh? What's too good? Can we talk for a while while they're gone? I'm her husband!

2, shrimp and clam at the same time a hundred, the teacher asked shrimp you copy who, shrimp said: "I copy the clam" the teacher said: "you are great what great."

3, a classmate play games all day and night, sleep in class during the day, the teacher in charge of the past according to the head pat a slap, want to wake him up. Who knows this goods eyes are not open, shouted a "I fuck all six gods installed, how can you still hit me!"

4. This plane is also diesel.

5, the wife to help the home for tens of thousands of dollars in change, call me to tell me that the money has been changed. Me: Come back as soon as you change your money. Put your money away and be safe on the way. Wife: That's all right. I already dialed the money back. I was messy in the wind, how do you play back the change ah......

6, with his wife's Alipay flower shell to the game inside the recharge 200,000. When my wife found out, she was furious, and she kicked me out of the house. My stomach was very hungry, so I went to a noodle shop to eat beef noodles. As I sat down, I heard the two men near me bragging. A said: "My bowl is very big, I put a piece of meat into the bowl full of water, my son is hard to fish for three days to pick up the meat." B said: "You don't blow, it is because your son can't use chopsticks." A said: "Do you want to know how to pick up the meat??" B said, "You must have broken the bowl." A said: "I found a pump for three days, before the bowl bottom."

7, the elders think that eating while playing mobile phone is a bad habit, in fact, from another point of view, we are playing mobile phone do not forget to eat, how, is it very will take care of themselves?

8, just parked at the door of the market a BMW, which put a special hi! Next to the co-pilot sister shouted: "shake up!" Just look at that big brother, head bang bang! Co-pilot wayan went up and snapped a big mouth in big brother's face and said, "You're like a fucking idiot! It's windy out there. It's dirt. I'm talking about rolling up the Windows...

9, today met a goddess at the door of the canteen has a crush for a long time, the goddess smiled and gave me a note into the canteen, I opened the note to see the above written two words "calcium oxygen tungsten oxygen" I thought it was blind to write and throw away, sleep at night more think more wrong, now I regret green intestines.

10, this evening, ask a female subordinate to come to my home to discuss the plan. The wife is particularly wise, said: "you talk, I do not disturb." Then he went into the room. In the following hour and a half, my wife came out to drink water once, go to the toilet twice, find an ear scoop once, find a nail clipper once, ask whether to eat fruit once, no reason to come out for a circle three times...

Wife: Let's have three children later. Husband: Well, two is enough. Wife: Three! Husband: No, two! Wife: I said three! Husband: I'll get a vasectomy after the second one! Wife: Well, I hope you love your third child as much.

12, I dropped the chain on this matter, never dropped the chain.

13. Jordan: Build the motherland and be loyal to it. Nepal: Motherland is more precious than paradise. Myanmar: Happiness lies in harmony and order. France: Liberty, equality, fraternity. Netherlands: Let's stick to Belgium: Unity is strength. Andorra: I will not attack unless I am attacked. Switzerland: All for all, all for one. China: People's Bank of China.

14, this day, a man went on a blind date. Woman: "Do you have a house?" The man took out a property ownership certificate. Woman: "Do you have a car?" The man took out his driver's license. Woman: "It would be better if you had an airplane." The man holds out a pilot's license. Woman: "Wow! That's amazing. Can you drive a train?" The man took out a train driver's license. Woman: "I love you so much. What do you do?" Man: "I'm a professional fake ID."

15, today on the third grade children back particularly happy, said the teacher kua his composition level has reached the level of the fifth grade! I'm so excited! I silently went to the balcony, deeply smoked a cigarette, holding the text of the hand in a slight tremor, this article I personally modified six times the composition, the original only this level!!

16, to pick up the third grade nephew after school, bought two strings of sugar gourd, a small nephew, a to review their childhood memories! Little nephew saw me: uncle good! The two strings are taken from the past, casually gave the next female students a string! Female students smile happily took his hand to eat up! Look at me a little unhappy appearance, little nephew to female classmates said: your aunt is not just graduated from university? Let her pick you up later. I...

17. I have a guy who had a girlfriend, and then they broke up. I asked: Why is it yellow? You don't always go to her house? He said: I go every day! Me: What did you do? Tell me! He: What else can you do? My girlfriend watches TV, I chat with her mother, her mother is willing to talk to me, not a day to call me! Me: when you go to school, the Chinese teacher said you can not grasp the key point, it seems that you did not say wrong!

18, when I was a child, one day my father was taking a nap, then use the lighter inside the igniter (press a small current that), the past electricity under his ears, my father suddenly woke up, hands folded and sat cross-legged. Half a minute later opened my eyes to see me holding the igniter, expression some lost: "just in the dream of practicing God, suddenly a burst of current through, I think through the two veins."

19, the teacher let us write a composition can not be less than 300 words: "On the way to school in the morning to see a flock of sheep in the farmer uncle sun sweet potato chips, eat a piece and a piece, eat a piece and a piece, then count enough 300 words, I put the sheep away..."

20, Jack was scared, a jump three feet high, when jumping to three feet, and scared, so that repeated fright, Xiao Zhang successfully landed on the moon.