Death by Chocolate

Last year the day came and went. With no surprise I was unable to travel to Canada to ring in another big birthday year.

We had a global pandemic that kept us all indoors. Trapped inside our houses as the world continued to remain locked down.

Birthdays came and went, baby showers and weddings too. However, no one was allowed to celebrate how they wanted, and it all became a year filled with the blues.

I had already been used to not going out much anyways. As I have been dealing with family issues these last few years and have grown a bit older. I even hate it when the weather gets colder.

It did not seem like much of a change to me, except the thoughts in my mind of how I do not like being told what to do.

My mind began to stir with thoughts of running wild. I tried to calm myself down a bit and remember my mental and physical conditions have both been quite impaired too.

The best thing for me to do was stay inside and away from others. Focus on the time I would soon get to spend with my family when I was not too busy working.

Time went by and things had changed. The world seemed divided. It was not the same happy vibes I grew up to know. When all the worries in the world was what to wear, or where to go.

Now the worries became how do I return to a normal life of running around town, traveling, and get-togethers? When I was constantly reminded daily of my weakened state of health.

It killed me to see everyone's life getting back almost the same as it had been the year before. But this year was my time to focus on my well-being as my worst fear had come true.

I was forced to take a medical leave from my job, and this was an unpaid leave. It once again placed me in a hard spot, and it felt like by heart was starting to bleed.

With tears down my face and the pain gaining strength. I forced a fake smile and grinned while showing my teeth.

For those who do not know me it seemed like everything was fine. But those who truly knew me. Knew it was going to be the hardest fight of mine.

The days came and went with no money coming in. My son’s birthday was fast approaching, and I had no clue what I would do.

It came to the day of the small family celebration. My son understood when he sat down at the kitchen table. The only thing I could give him was my love, a handmade birthday card and a slice of chocolate cake.

It was a secret recipe that one of my friends had created. She called it Death by Chocolate. It was the best piece of chocolate cake I ever ate.

He knew it was hard on me to not be able to get him something special for his birthday. He flashed me his biggest and brightest smile so we could commemorate the memory with a quick picture.

As he stood up came over and gave me the biggest hug in the world, the words he uttered brought tears to my eyes. He whispered in my ear, “Mom this has been the best birthday ever!”

As a single mom it has not always been easy. There have been some holidays where I could only afford to put one family present underneath the Christmas tree for all of us to share.

Despite the struggles I have always tried to hide from my kids my oldest son has always known.

One of the best qualities he has kept throughout the years has been his big heart. It has been the love he has for our family, and the way he has always tried to keep us happy. It is how he always shares his strength with each of us when we feel as though we have none left.