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Dear Diary...

First and last entries...

By Heather KnightenPublished 3 years ago 10 min read
2

Dear Diary… 2025/06/18

Should it be dear? I mean, I just started this ridiculous journal – I really don’t know you very well. So…Hey Diary.

Man, it’s hot. Hot and bright today – much brighter than it’s been since it happened. Does that mean that the sun is closer or is that cloud disappearing? How would you know? It’s not like you have a brain. Or a heart. Or courage. Hahahahaha…you probably don’t understand; see, back in the world there was a story about a young girl and her journey to Oz, she met three residents who all lacked the characteristics that she didn’t display in her own life. But, who cares – no big deal, as the song goes. From this angle I can’t miss that locket. That damned heart shaped locket. I can’t believe she hung it there, knowing that I can see it and can’t get to it. That was her last fuck you, I guess. I hate it. I hate her.

Except, I don’t. Not really. She was right to leave – look at me, I can’t get up, I couldn’t take care of her, I’m not what she needed. Hell, I’m not even what I need. That light though…it shouldn’t bend around that locket like that…and why is it red? Well, redder than usual anyway. Or the new usual. Later Diary – I feel hot and tired and just want to close my eyes…

2025/06/20

Hello…is it me you’re looking for? Those are song lyrics…from before. Before I started this and before she left and before that explosion. Who knew, none of us, I guess. We believed that sob. That damn liar, we thought he was the new messiah – we thought he was telling us the truth. Right up until the explosion, then the debris cloud. It was warm, warmer than I thought. Fuck, who am I kidding – I knew this was going to be a possibility, it was all so perfect and planned. We ran of course, we all ran, or drove; some who still could flew – and of course the boats in the harbor – despite the waves, they were on a mission to escape. I think watching that was the worst, where did they think they could go? No one knew what to do, once the running stopped the wandering started – and the questions, who are you, where were you when it happened? Red or blue, which side were you on…before? As if it mattered any now. I’m watching that locket and it’s swaying slightly – the light makes it look like it’s melting…it seems longer now…I reached for it, as if I could touch it from here. My head is hot, my face is hot, my leg…well, what’s left of it, even hotter. No one passed by today – at least they haven’t since I woke. I tried to scream and couldn’t, at least if I did scream, I didn’t hear it – so, maybe I’m deaf now too – but I pounded the wall and the floor – that did nothing but stir up dust and still no one came. Maybe though, that’s okay – who knows who is left. Who knows who…hah Diary, that’s another song.

2025/06/21

Diary diary he’s our man…he? Or are you a she? That used to be a thing – you had to be one or the other. What a dumb thing, (all knowing as I am now) to worry about.

Hot again today – but as an added bonus, there’s a smell too – like warm milk or warm yellow crayons and milk. I pulled myself up last night to my one good leg – took a while. At least a year. Or it seemed that long – I looked outside and it’s still so very red. The trees are sticks of white – no leaves, most of them are bent and under the glare of the outside streetlights, they look ridiculously childish – I didn’t see anyone, didn’t expect too really. Tried to stand, wanted to see if I could see further my leg wouldn’t support my weight for long – what weight there is, my pants don’t fit, I had to make another notch in my belt. I did see the trainyard though and I thought I heard a whistle in my sleep – that’s why I worked so hard to stand – if I can just get outside, maybe I can get away from this room, the smell, the heat and that damn locket. It’s still there. Still there and weirdly still looks like it is elongating…getting longer…like warm taffy…taffy, taffy is good. Hahaha…I could eat a barrel of it right now – speaking of food – a cheeseburger, vanilla malt and curly fries to go please – anything except the generic food bar. I didn’t think I’d be reduced to these – they were for the street people – the ones with their hands out – ha! Who’s got their hand out now Diary? Me…reaching for that locket…

2025/06/28

So tired. Tired, hot, hungry and tired. Diary – you’re sure that’s your name? one mistake and bam – you’re dairy. Ha…sorry, that was funnier in my head. My tongue is thick, the smell is getting worse and that locket --- I still see it, see it in the red light but it’s turning into a tear drop…tear drip, drip, drip…-I stood up again this morning; window sill chin ups, they’re all the rage – the lights are out, I couldn’t see the big clock in the square – the spire where it was mounted seems to be cleaved in half. The trainyards though, something weird there – they’re cleaner than they were. Oh! Update, saw people. People shaped bodies any ways. They were at the trainyard, seemed to be walking around the cars. Or through the cars or in the cars and why if they are trains are they called cars? Remember that question that used to stump everyone? Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway? Weird what goes through your mind – I’ve been thinking of her – a lot. She shouldn’t have left me. I didn’t cause this – I didn’t do any of this – I mean, I did go to the meetings and I did throw those fire cocktails but we all did, I mean we all were just following orders. She could have stayed. I have to get out of here, my leg is a goner and that light, it’s just not going away – I can’t hear anything either, my eyes seem cloudy – but the hunger is strong. I checked my bag – there’s one bar left. Not enough. Pretty light and little flashes jumping off the locket – at least where there is still a sheen – the metal seems muted and weirdly fragile.

2025 ?

Diary – dear dear diary – you are my friend, so very dear. You’re all I have. Last night there was noise at the door, pounding and I looked to it and saw nothing, did I really hear anything? The faces though – they looked like masks and all in black and deep breaths in and out and all the dust and then they were gone. Must have been a dream or a nightmare or maybe both – no food bars left – it doesn’t matter, I’m on the floor again and so hot. There’s a sting on my arm, like a hot needle but with tension…what am I saying…like, do you know how it feels to pull a fish hook out of your hand? It stings, but pulls. That’s what I feel – every day. My leg is gone. It’s all goooone. It’s long gone. There’s nothing there, the pants are there, the shoe is there, hell – the sock is there. But the leg. Gone. Is it weird that my toe itches? I’m so tired, I can’t close my eyes though, I tried and it just got brighter and brighter and then dark…but I still saw, so like a clear dark. Can’t hear the trains anymore – but I can hear the screams. I never stop. Her name, no wait, stop – why don’t go oh my god no stop and the silence and then that squeak, slight and then heavy then slight again. The floor has changed. It’s soft and white and rough but nice. No matter how dark it gets that locket. That god damn heart shaped locket – it’s still there – WHY? Go to hell! GOOO! Wait, it’s not heart shaped anymore – it’s stretched and … sorry dairy I, ha! I mean diary, see – that’s funny. The locket is there though, so close. I know whose fault it is now. The locket. If it would just fall. Fall off the hook she left it on. Then I wouldn’t have to see it. Every day – fuck, I’m tired. There’s that squeak again. It’s still so red outside and white and clear dark and hot. It’s always hot.

I didn’t know it was going to be like this – I thought hell was for the believers. I believe now DIARY. I believed the wrong people, the wrong…everything.

2025 July 4

Subject – UNK Male, AKA Stumpy –

Begin transcript 1500

His pallor is pale, where there is pallor – his skin continues to slough off. The resurgence of the screaming without sound has the day nurses reluctant to help. He’s lasted longer than the others, that’s been most unexpected. At 0700 today we pulled the last drainage tube from his arm. The medicine, although keeping his brain alive – is eating his body. The decision has been made to let him sink or swim – see if his vaccine can throw off the changes. That snotty doctor, the one who runs his mouth – he says the vaccine should have mutated at the same pace – but surprise surprise it didn’t.

We’re going out again tonight to get another subject. Stumpy is toast. He won’t last the night. We’ll go back by the trainyard, they were the ones that took the brunt of the explosion. Sorry bastards. But really? What did they expect? End Transcript 15:23 -

Dear Diary – I heard that squeaking sound again and then was cool…blessedly cool. It was dark, that weird hazy clear dark – I can’t move though, the locket, it’s clear now and liquid but it still drips and drips…pain in the arm I keep reaching for it – there it is so close it’s all I want she’ll come back and then it’s over, all over…

She hung the locket on the rear-view mirror, right after I gave it to her and when I asked why she didn’t wear it, she said with her sunny laugh, I want to be able to see it always. She leaned over and kissed me loudly on my cheek; “c’mon, let’s go” she said between cheek kisses, “the sooner we deliver these the sooner we can be together and we can start our lives!”

So, on we drove and then at the last moment, we released the lever and top flew off the car, like a kite it rose and then hit the road, skittering into the ditch – she floored it and I reached in the back, grabbed the bottles and heaved them at the crowd gathered outside and chanting at the leader’s mansion. They exploded, just like they were supposed to except it was so big and loud and so much hotter than I thought it was and she screamed and the car swerved and then she was gone. But that heart shaped locket, she left it behind…for me.

Beep.beep.beep.beep…beep…beeeep…

“Finally, lucky bastard.” She said quietly to herself, unhooking the machine.

“Lucky? How in gods name is that guy lucky?” the other nurse mused out loud. “He finally touched the i.v, the one he said was her locket when he first got here and could still talk, before his tongue rotted away; I think he thought it would save him” she answered, “I always feel like the ones that hold on longer are worse off than those who go quick.”

“Better not let the good doctor hear you say that” the other nurse murmured, “he loves to see the ones that hang on.”

Fantasy
2

About the Creator

Heather Knighten

Non profit prophet - chocolate milk aficionado - milk dud lover - weirdness and unique and creative advocate - be your own you and I'll be me. Mother and softball player. Spider friendly and not tested on animals.

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