Dear Dad..

This is an old fictional story I had written up that I wanted to post here for more people to read. I hope you like it. This story does consist of emotional topics so please read at your own risk.

I Promise.

You stumbled out of the house with a beer bottle in one hand while mommy kept trying to pull you back into the house, but you kept pushing her away. While the neighbors would probably automatically become worried for the eight year old playing with her barbies in the front yard, I was just seeing a normal fight between a mommy and a daddy. They'll make up later tonight but for now, you were just going to have to go out to the bar to take out your frustrations on a couple pints of beers.

"Daddy?" My little voice piped up as I jumped up and wrapped my arms around your body. You shoved me back into the ground, which caused mommy to run out and start shouting some more.

"How could you do that to your own child!? How could you be so damn careless!? Why would you even think about drinking before noon!?"

I never really understood mommy's frustrations at you. I doubt you really meant to push me down.. you weren't even conscious enough to walk normally. While mommy was busy screaming her head off, you just proceeded to hop into his old red pickup. Mommy tried to hold the door open, but you were stronger than she could ever be. You were always stronger.

"Daddy?" I asked, "Where are you going?" I brushed the dirt off my pretty pink dress before running over to the open window to say goodbye, but daddy pushed me off the door the second I tried to reach into the car.

"I can do what I want." was the only words you spoke before driving off. Although, with the slurring in his voice, I was barely able to understand him.

"Where is daddy going now?" I asked mommy. She had her hands covering her face as she stood in the middle of the driveway, staring at the empty space daddy's truck had filled in just moments before. After getting no response, I tugged at mommy's dress.

"Just keep playing." She informed me. I didn't. I couldn't. I picked up all my toys and followed her back into the house.

"I don't want to play," I whined out, "I just want daddy."

"Daddy is out getting himself killed!" She shouted into my face. She had squeezed my arm so tight that I had tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't help but notice mommy's eyes did the same.

"You're hurting me," I cried out.

She ran into her and daddy's bedroom without saying another word.

"Mommy," I screamed! I ran towards the bedroom to notice her throwing clothes inside a large duffel bag.

"Are we going out?" I asked her, "What's the occasion? Is daddy going to meet us? Is that where daddy had gone? Where are we going, mommy?" Questions kept popping into my head, and I kept stupidly blurting them out. I must've annoyed mommy too because without saying a single word, she shoved me out before closing the door in my face. When I tried to reenter her room again, the door had been locked.

Once the door opened again, mommy's eyes were all red and puffy. The duffel bag was draped over her shoulder. Her body was leaning a bit to the right due to the heaviness of the bag. I followed her close behind as she headed towards the front door.

Once mommy got to the door, she grabbed ahold of my shoulders and said three very important words.. "I love you". Of course at the time, that made zero sense to me. Mommy always told me she loved me. In the morning. Dropping me off at school. At dinner. Right before putting me to bed. Mostly, she made sure I was to know it after every single one of daddy's moods. "I love you too," was the only thing I was able to say in response, "Where are we going?" It never seemed to click to me that I watched mommy pack a bag, but never once did I see her go to my room to pack my belongings. I just assumed we were leaving together.

"I'll just be at the store, Talia. I'll be back home for supper." She combed her fingers through my hair while flashing a smile back at me, "Just go play."

"But you packed a bag," I pointed to her duffel, "Whenever we pack bags, it means we are going on a vacation.. and you never go to the store without me."

"Just go play, Talia." She said.

"I want to go with you." I pouted.

"I'll be back," She told me, "I promise."

I promise. Those were the very last words I ever heard my mother say. At the time, I actually believed her. Why wouldn't I? Usually, when a mother tells you that she was going to the store.. she was actually going to the store. Of course most mothers never just left their eight year old home alone when they did so, but how was I supposed to know that? I was only eight. Maybe mommy needed some more ingredients for dinner that night.. or maybe she just needed to take a small break away from everyone, like daddy needed to do.. or maybe she just assumed her child was naïve enough to believe any lie she would throw at her. But in this very moment, I never realized I had just lost my mommy. I didn't even get a chance to give her a proper goodbye. I just went back to the barbies I had dropped on the floor and began playing.. I didn't even realize the door closed shut behind her. A small part of me did wish mommy took me to the store.. she never left me home alone before. Usually, mommy was always making sure I was within eye sight of her. She never wanted daddy to be alone for me for even a single second. A small part of me was still hoping for mommy to run back into the house, toss the duffel bag to the side, and shout out "I'm just kidding!" before picking me up and "flying" me back into the car.

She never did that.

I just continued to play.. all day.. all afternoon.. all night.

Abandoned.

By the time daddy got back home, it was pitch black outside. Mommy would have normally put me to bed by this time of night. She would've tucked me into bed and told me how daddy was just held up in traffic and would always promise that you'll come in to give me a kiss good night once you got home. I always tried to stay up for you. Sometimes, I did fall asleep.. sometimes, I didn't. But any time I managed to stay up for you, you never came back into the room.

You were standing in the doorway of yours and mommy's bedroom. Mommy had left the closet door open so that you can find her side empty besides the hangers she had left behind. You weren't moving, just standing against the wall in disbelief. Your gaze focused on the empty side of the closet before shifting over to the side of the bed mommy usually slept in; she never found the time to make it at all today. You turned to face me, your big blue eyes glossing over before you turned away.

"Where's mommy?" I asked.

You didn't answer. The only thing you did do was pick up an empty beet bottle off the floor and chucking it at the empty closet space that was once filled with mommy's clothes. "You bitch," You screamed out as the bottle shattered against the wall!

"Daddy?" I grabbed ahold of your sleeve, "What's wrong?"

You knelt down, combing your fingers through my long, blonde hair. Your eyes looked even more glossy, but the alcohol on your breath was stronger than ever. "Mommy abandoned us," You answered me.

"No. Daddy," I replied, "Mommy just went to the store. She's going to come back."

"Talia," you yelled at me! I flinched in response. "Talia," you said in a lower tone, "She lied. She's not coming back."

"B-but.. She promised." My smile faded now, "She promised me that she will be back."

"She never left you alone to go to the store," He stood up and curled up into a ball on her side of the bed, "She never left you alone to go to the store."

I stood frozen for a second before walking over to daddy, staring at him for just a split second before running out of the room. I came back with the stuffed monkey mommy had given me for my last birthday and tucked it under his arm, "That will keep you company."

You chucked the monkey across the room before shoving me away from you, "Just leave daddy alone, Talia."

I ran to pick my monkey back up before looking back at you. You had tucked your hand under mommy's pillow as you were curled up on her side of the bed. I never really understood why. The last memory I remember with the two of you in the same place, you both were arguing with each other. You had stormed off in your truck and left her alone in the driveway. But now.. now you were upset. I never did understand why. Maybe you felt regret. Maybe you never realized she'd actually leave. I guess kids aren't supposed to understand adults.

"Goodbye." I closed the door before walking out of the room.

Pain.

A whole day passed.. then a week.. two weeks.. a month.

Still, there was no sign of mommy.

I had my ninth birthday today. You didn't let me invite anyone from school. You didn't even allow me to have a party.. or cake.. or even presents. You told me that only little girls with perfect little families were allowed to have parties with cake and presents. You said it with such confidence, like it was some new law the state just issued. Mommy may have been gone, but we could've still had the perfect family. I even had a few kids in my class who's parents had been divorced, and they still got to have parties with cake and presents for their birthday. I knew you were still upset over mommy.. I just wished that after a month, you would've at least tried to move on.

You haven't.. and you probably never will.

You actually called me mommy today. You told me that I was actually beginning to look like her. Actually, you told me that I should just change everything about myself so I wouldn't have to be cursed to look like the cold hearted bitch that broke your heart. But I like my long, blonde hair. I like my hazel eyes, or my little button nose, or my chipmunk cheeks. I even like my soft, pink lips. You used to shower me with so many compliments; you were obsessed with the fact that I looked like a mini version of mommy. You would constantly tell me to be proud of the way I look.. but now all you have to say about them are how much you hate having to look at me. I miss the olden days. I miss the days you used to love how much I resembled mommy. I miss the smiles you always had on your face when you saw the two of us together. Now, I'm just some burden sharing the same roof as you resembling the woman who walked out of your life.

"Daddy?" I asked as you spread yourself across the couch.

"What is it?" You groaned. Your hand was hung over the edge of the couch just over the beer bottle that had fallen to the ground.

"Why do you never want to play with me anymore?" I leaned up against the arm rest on the side of the coach, "You used to always want to play with me while mommy cooked din-" My voice carried off as I slowly realized what I was about to say.

"Times have changed," You responded back.

"Daddy?"

You mumbled out something I couldn't quite understand.

"Daddy?"

"Just say whatever it is you wanted to say," You snapped.

"Do you still care about me?"

"Of course I do," You replied, "I will always care about you."

"Well, why do you hit me then?" I asked, but I didn't receive an answer. All you did was walk into the kitchen and grab another beer. I followed.

"Daddy?"

"God dammit, Talia! Will you just leave me the hell alone!?" You grabbed my arm and shoved me out of the way. Luckily, the pantry door caught my fall. "Daddy needs his private time," was all you said to me as you plopped back down onto the couch.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I stayed sitting on the floor. "I just wanted to play," I mumbled.

You poked his head around the doorway, "You really want to play with me?"

"I nodded, "I just need my dolls."

"No you don't," You picked me up and carried me towards his bed, "Let's play a new game."

"Daddy," I sat on the bed as I watched you removed your own clothes, "what are you doing?"

You shoved me down onto the bed before taking another chug of your beer and yanking off my own clothes. He placed a finger to his lips, "Be quiet."

"Daddy," I cried out, "Please stop."

"Be quiet." you said once more as I felt a sharp pain fill my body.

"That hurts, daddy." I cried out.

"Be.. quiet." you repeated.

I closed my eyes and covered my ears, but nothing was allowing me to escape from the pain that was now circulating my entire body. I started screaming for you to stop, but you didn't listen. I tried to reach at the headboard to pull me away, but you held my wrists down on the bed. I continued screaming for you to stop, but you just covered my mouth with your hand for the majority of the act.

I felt helpless.. powerless.. weak. I started to feel myself fading into an empty pit of darkness.. away from the pain.. away from daddy.. away from everything. I wanted to die. Dying was the only thing that could keep me from feeling this intense pain over and over again.

Scared.

All I could do was lay back. The pain was preventing me from even sitting up, let alone getting off the bed and running into the safety of my own room. I just stared up at the ceiling above. All I wanted to do was playing barbies with you.. like I used to when mommy was still here. You never would have done that with mommy still at home. I began to feel a tad bit of anger towards mommy in this moment. If mommy was still here, this would have never happened. If mommy was still here, I would've been able to have my own birthday party with all my friends. Everything began to point back towards mommy again. None of this would have happened if mommy never "went to the store" that day.

"Daddy," I cried out.

Silence.

"Help me," I cried out again.

More silence.

I tried to sit back up, but the pain grew as I put weight on my legs. I held onto my gut as I headed towards the bedroom door. "Daddy," I asked out? Tears fell down my cheeks as I fell to the floor, "Please help me! Daddy!"

Nothing. Nobody came running in. Nobody came over to me. Nobody was wondering what had just happened to me. Tears started to sting my eyes. Did you just stop caring about me? Don't you remember that mommy also left me as well? You were not special. We were both victims to mommy's actions. I just spread across the carpet as I let a few more tears fall. "Nobody's coming," I closed my eyes, "Nobody's ever coming back."

**

When I reopened my eyes, I was laying on the couch. You were sitting on the coffee table, smiling at me when I woke up.

"You're finally awake, darling." You continued smiling.

"What happened?" My voice sounded weak.

"You passed out," You stroked a strand of my blonde hair, "You fell when you got out of bed this morning. You'll be fine, though."

"Why did you hurt me last night?" Your smile faded quick.

"You know I never meant that."

"But why did you still do it?"

"Enough." You got up and leaned up against the shelf, facing your back towards me, "You know I never meant to do that."

"Did you think I was mommy?" I sat up. I looked past your shoulder to the paint chipping off the walls. Mommy always told you that she wanted to repaint the walls, but you never allowed her to follow through with it. You were always saying how we just couldn't afford to do so. "You did always say how I used to look just like her."

You turned back to face me, "You are one smart little girl. That's the one thing you never inherited from your mother." You walked over and flashed a smile at me once again, "I never meant to act that way towards you."

I stared back at you in silence.

"You do believe me, right?"

I continued to just stare back at you in complete silence.

"Right?" You raised your voice a bit.

"Yes, daddy." I nodded.

"Good," You walked into the kitchen and came back out with a beer, "I thought I would have needed to go grab the belt. I never like to bring out the belt."

"But why did you-" Daddy cut me off.

"Let's just not bring up last night again," He said, "to anyone."

"Not even to the people at school?"

"Especially not the people at school," He drunk down some beer, "Understand?"

I nodded. I walked over to my toy box and spread my barbies out across the floor. I recreated how life was before; before mommy left, before daddy became who he is now, back when we were the perfect little family. We used to be so full of hope, so full of love and happiness. What happened to that?

**

Hello. Mel here. I am just writing this to explain that this was all I've written before hitting the writers block on this story. Hope you enjoyed it. If you like this story, I have plenty more on my profile that range from fictional stories to articles, even to mental health-related concepts.