Darkness Was Not Our Home

All of my life, I used to live in darkness. Not because there was no light around me, but because I loved darkness. When I was a child, it was my habit to cover all the areas of the house from where light would come in. People always told me it is strange to run away from light and surround yourself with darkness. But I never listened to them. I always felt darkness was my home. This was one of the reasons why I loved nights. Every night was a kind of celebration for me. I used to look at stars and the moon. Stars, moon, darkness, silence, solitude, and flowers. These things were my only friends. I always stayed away from humans, even from my family. But I was always uncomfortable. I often wondered why I was like this, why I was a seeker and admirer of darkness, while every other person I knew was okay with light and never ran away from it.

And then one day, I remember it was my 24th birthday, and I was in a Church near to my home. It was my favorite Church because its interior was so beautiful. But I always visited it at times when no people were in it. So one day, I was there and after praying when I saw its snow falling outside; I began looking at snow from church windows. The door opened, and I saw a girl enter it who seemed like an angel to me. She looked at me without saying anything. She sat down, closed her eyes, and began praying. I was still looking at her; I didn’t know why. I thought of going home, but something inside me was holding me. After some minutes, she opened her eyes, stood up, looked at me, and said,

“You know, I must tell you something. I often come here with my parents, but I always feel uncomfortable here. And I never visited this Church alone. But today, something inside me told me to come here, and it is the first time when I am not feeling uncomfortable here. Actually, I am feeling something extraordinary, the type of feeling that I never felt before. I want to figure out why I am feeling this today. Maybe it is because of you. I want to confirm this. Can you please go outside? I just want to see if I still feel safe here or not. If I feel uncomfortable, I will come outside and tell you. Okay? Can we do this if you don’t mind?”

“Sure, let’s try,” I said, and I went outside. After a few seconds, she came outside and hugged me. I asked her what happened to her. “You are someone very special. This Church still makes me feel uncomfortable. But not when you were in it. This moment when you are with me, I can’t tell you what level of comfort I am experiencing,” she told me while there was peace in her voice.

“Well, I think it’s good and I am glad to hear it, but I don’t know why you feel this with me,” I said with a smile on my face.

“Will you become my friend?” she asked.

“You know, you are the first person with whom I am feeling comfortable. Normally, I always run away from people. You are the first person for whom I am feeling I should stay. I will not become your friend. The universe has already made us today.”

“Wow. It means we both are special to us. I am Elle. What’s your name?”

“My name is Robin. And it’s my birthday today.”

“Oh, Robin, Happy Birthday. It’s a special day on which we met. Are you gonna celebrate?”

“I don’t have any special plans. But I would like to celebrate with you if you want.”

“Sure, why not. I would love to celebrate with you.”

Elle and I went to a nice restaurant, we had dinner and cut the cake too. Elle told me I was her first friend. Shockingly, I asked her,

“Are you kidding me? How is it possible? Is it a coincidence or what? You are also my first friend. I had no friends ever.”

“It means we are our first friends, first friends of each other. Oh my God, are we a copy of each other?” Elle said laughingly.

“I want to figure out how much more similar we are. I love stars, the moon, darkness, silence, solitude, and flowers. And you?”

“These are exactly the things that I love, too. I am, I am just shocked at the level of our similarity. How it is possible that we too are this much similar, we met today on your birthday and this cannot be an accident,” said Elle.

“Yes, I believe you are right.”

Elle and I decided we should travel together and go somewhere. We thought it would be a pleasurable experience to get to know each other more. We decided to go to Paris and after some days we arrived there. Paris was as beautiful as our imagination of it. We visited art galleries, parks, and, most of all, flower shops. We ate a lot of spicy chicken noodles there, it was the most delicious thing for us.

The only thing that was left to visit was the beaches. So one day we went to a beach and while we were looking at the sunset. Elle said to me, “I want to kiss you, Robin. But I don’t know how to do that, I have no practice,” she smiled brightly when she said that.

“I also don’t know how to kiss. I think you should just come closer and closer to me until no distance remains left between us.” Elle came closer to me and touched my lips with hers, she kissed me like a thirsty bird drinks water. After some moments she took a step back and said, “now it’s your turn.” I looked into her eyes, moved ahead, because of the wind her hair was coming on her face. I moved them aside with my fingers, and then slowly I approached her lips and kissed her. The moment when our lips met, I felt every inch of my soul was singing the songs of love. This was the first time when we tasted the flavor of our body and it was too delicious, more delicious than any ice cream in the world. Later, Elle told me every part of her heart was dancing with joy when we kissed. Our kiss became a source of joy for us. The realization of that joy was everything to us.

Every night we used to go for a walk in different parks in Paris. One night while we were walking in a beautiful park, Elle and I had a conversation that we run away from other people but we never run away from each other. We love solitude, but not when we spend time together. We prefer silence, but not in each other’s presence. We are deeply silent people, but when we spend time together, we always talk a lot. We realized we behave and live differently for the rest of the world, but with each other, we break all the rules and the preferences that we have for the world. With each other, we don’t prefer silence and solitude. When we get together, we become like the rest of the world; talkative, outgoing, and people-oriented. We noticed that with each other, we don’t run behind the darkness, we feel okay with light. So perhaps our love for darkness was a way of escaping the world, the solitude was a way to get a feeling that we are not alone, and the silence was a way to talk to ourselves. The moon and stars were where we wished to be, away from the world we feel misfit in. And flowers were dear to our hearts because they looked soft and sensitive like us.

“Today, I understood why I am the way I am. I always wondered why I was like this. But today, I have answers,” said I.

“Today, our quest to find the answers about ourselves has ended. Now we know why we are the way we are. But it is only because of each other that we became able to understand ourselves,” said Elle.

We concluded that if we want to live comfortably, then we must live with each other. Otherwise, we will always feel like a misfit in the world.

So after a few days, we got married. We were still in Paris. We decided not to return, not to meet our families. Because for us, our families were not our families. When we were with them, we felt no connection with them. When we were with them, we used to think that darkness was our home, but no, that darkness was not my home and it was not Elle’s home either, it was just a way to escape from our lives there. We hated light because that light was not the kind of light we needed. The light we saw with each other, the light we were for each other, that was the kind of light we needed. We were enough for each other. And our home was inside each other. Darkness was not our home. We were our home for our souls.