Dancer in the night

Some people say that the woman who writes is like a dancer under the night, dancing with the soul on the spiritual level outside the hustle and bustle, calm and radiant, sad and moving, and the lonely soul is like a flying butterfly..... .

On a spring afternoon, I sat in front of the window holding a copy of Eileen Chang's anthology. The blue-green cover has delicate and graceful patterns, like a long-preserved silk and satin, exuding a nostalgic fragrance.

I have read many words describing love, but the one I like most is the line in Ailing's book: "When she saw him, her head became lowered, lowered into the dust, but her heart was happy, and flowers bloomed from the dust. "Come" has written all the shyness, affection and willingness of the woman.

How many women have suffered grievances from love, no matter how proud they are, they will submit to the man they love and be his sweet and gentle wife. Love is deep, everything is willing, everything is joy.

I have always thought that there are two kinds of beautiful women in my ideal. One is Zhang Ailing, who is alone in her boudoir with a desolate sadness, dazzling in an instant, and a peerless youth. The other is Sanmao, who wanders with her lover in the Sahara Desert of Guangjia, living alone in a corner of the rolling world, looking for a home after the journey. The former is like a narcissus far away from the mundane, with too many hidden worries hidden in the pure-colored petals. The noble family had already declined when she was born, and with helpless sighs, she was transformed into a slender and arrogant woman by the rich historical background of old Shanghai. It is no wonder that she said that a woman should not only please people with a beautiful body, but also with a beautiful mind.

The memory of Zhang Ailing and Sanmao is like a feather flying in a desolate world, beautiful but lonely. It seems that I have never read any of their articles completely, but I am full of infinite yearning and respect for their words.

Li Bihua commented that Zhang Ailing is a well: "Zhang Ailing is a well, not only a well, but also a well that allows gentlemen from all walks of life to scouring. The ancient well has no waves, the more you scouring, the more you have, what loss does she have? It is so flamboyant and typical, although it looks a bit glaring, but there is nothing to attack. However, in this world, apart from Eileen Chang, who is a well with no bottom and no tentacles, who else can match? I just love her It's a pity that such a woman has bent her waist for love. Presumably, Gun Gun Yuechen has committed a crime because of a word of love, and no one can escape.

Yes, Zhang Ailing's favorite, Hu Lancheng, failed Zhang Ailing's heart, provoked everywhere, caused Zhang Ailing to suffer great harm in this life, and the pain continued! Hu Lancheng's talent made Zhang Ailing low, low in the dust. ""Aijun's pen has haze, pulls out the gold hairpin to pay the restaurant, cultivates to the world's talented woman, and is as thin as a plum blossom," but the talented Hu who is naturally fickle, has not let go of the old love, and new knowledge is coming out, hurting her to the bone cold!

A woman's humility and gentleness will only hurt her own heart in the end! Like what Xi Murong wrote in his poem: When you finally walk by ignoring, and what falls behind you, it's not a flower petal, it's my withered heart.. ....

When I was young, I didn’t understand love, and I didn’t understand how a person can be so low that he can be as low as the dust? How can he be happy, so happy that he can bloom flowers in the dust? The ups and downs of emotions, joys and sorrows, until meeting the lover in life, all the arrogance and narcissism in the heart are peeled off the hard shell, revealing the soft core inside. A beautiful man is a corrosive agent that will kill all women The heart, temper, and edges and corners are all dissolved into a puddle of soft mud, which the literati call tenderness

Love is a flower that blooms in the dust, but flowers are to be appreciated and cherished. If this flower blooms recklessly, even if it is gorgeous and enchanting, shocking the world, if no one appreciates it, it will eventually be lonely and withered. Because the lonely flower can't withstand the wind and rain, wake up overnight, the fragrance is scattered, how can the man who is full of emotions have the intention of cherishing spring, and collect the dark fragrance of that place...

The complicated world affairs in old Shanghai, and the momentary love that was as dazzling as fireworks all stranded in her heart, and the almost beautiful words that were released after a momentary pause made us vaguely feel the desolation and persistence behind her. When the image of life slides across the sky at the speed of light, who can still seriously watch the life presented every minute and every second, meet in a hurry, and then turn their backs to Hu Lancheng who left, guarding her to reach the goal of life? At the last moment, accompanied by the country on the other side of the ocean, the only lingering sound is the sad autumn in a minor tune.

Zhang Ailing said that she is not a sentimental person, but her heart is full of fragility and melancholy. So she watched the annihilation of prosperity and the vicissitudes of troubled times with cold eyes through the long curtain of the world of mortals. Since ancient times, the fate of women has been roughly like this. The sky favors her talents, but her beauty is unlucky. When Eileen Chang wrote to Hu Lancheng "Because of compassion, she understands", she thought she had found the lover in her heart, and she could look back at the desolate moonlight on Duo Yunxuan's letterhead thirty years ago in the middle of the night. Their love is as perfect as the lavender flower shadow on the old window root.

"The narcissus has gone on a carp, and there were many tears in the night." Hu Lancheng has gone, and Zhang Ailing is alone, blooming in Fuji's clear tears, dancing solo. In the dead of night, Zhang Ailing looked up at the old and confused moonlight thousands of miles away from her hometown in the sky.

The love in "Legend" is a love full of holes. In the desolation of the troubled times, there are confused faces running around. Bai Liusu in "Love in a Fallen City" and Ge Weilong in "The First Incense" are all hard-working beauties. Even if the whole city collapsed and annihilated because of their "love", they could not escape the desolate sighs behind them. Zhang Ailing was lying desolately in the middle of the lobby of her apartment. She was old, dry and thin, just like in her works A girl with a desolate background in her fate. On the table behind her is a stack of manuscripts and a pen that has not been closed.

However, the dressage of this beautiful woman was squandered as early as in old Shanghai, and her life in a foreign land was spent with black hair and white hair, leaving only a safe period. The scenes of Allure Love.

"The most perfect moment in life, it is better to end it early, a beautiful and desolate gesture, than let others add an unbearable tail to it..." This is the text written by Eileen Chang in the novel. For the writer, when her life becomes difficult to move forward, it is like the characters in her novels, it ends by itself! When Eileen Chang lies there peacefully, or is death her perfect interpretation of her own life? But because death took Zhang Ailing away easily, people suddenly felt fear of death! Although as she wrote herself: "Ordinary men like to teach women to be bad, and they like to influence bad women, making him become Good woman. Maybe death is the most perfect moment in my life, a beautiful and desolate moment..." Because love has become pale and powerless in her bones, a woman who loves and hates can't get rid of it. The inauthenticity and transformation of love made her die in solitude with loneliness... Isn't that desolation and desolation a perfect ending?

Traveling between hell and heaven, is Zhang Ailing's world still the same bleak and icy? Or, this world is her original world. In the eyes of outsiders, it is empty and colorless, but in Zhang Ailing's eyes it is But it is colorful, so she lives or dies in another trend. If I had lived in Eileen Chang's era, I would not have shed tears for her death, but would only feel sorry for her beauty and sadness. Why don't I leave more for others to share?

If Zhang Ailing is a narcissus far away from the common world, Sanmao is a night lily blooming quietly in the valley, with a dark fragrance surging in the vastness of the night. The days when she suffered from autism in her teenage years kept her company with books, and accumulated many humanistic thoughts outside of school, so that she was more sensitive to describe things than ordinary people. Going to Spain to study is destined to find the bond of a lifetime-the pure, kind and childish Jose. Anyone who has read Ermaoren will cry for the promise six years ago and the reunion six years later, and will be moved by the mutual affection in the Sahara story. She is more like a medieval woman, galloping in the wilderness and grassland, with the sadness of a little woman in her boldness and tenderness in her eyes. Sanmao records her mental journey and steps with plain language and pure Zhaofeng.

After Jose passed away in an accident, Sanmao was filled with grief, every stroke, every detail, every movement of the text was so real and delicate, his heart kept falling, falling, as if he had spent a lifetime of tears to face For the sudden death of her lover, the tears quickly turned into a puddle of powerless water on the skirt of her clothes, and she fell into the abyss that would never be restored.

"Many nights I lay in bed, living in a house by the sea, and I could always hear the bleak wind passing by my window with a whimpering sound. Sitting there, I suddenly realized that I had no Home, every night, I sit there and wait for the dawn..." The departure of Hexi made Sanmao's world pass slowly through the dark sky like a whimpering tune in the dead of night

Sanmao ended her life after the publication of her last work "If there is an afterlife". She did not wait for the dawn and spring, and she forgot that wild lilies also have spring. After this night lily withered suddenly, I often silently remembered her and her words. When I turned the pages of the book, I could still smell the fragrance of this night lily's soul

Innocence, rebellion, aloofness, romance and love are the youthful dreams Zhang Ailing and Sanmao gave to everyone. Even generations of people have been deeply moved by their love, even if they know that there is no way to have so much romance and transcendence in life. Existence, but this will not affect their imagination and longing for beauty, because sometimes, women who like words are willing to sink into their dreams and be dancers under Yemu.