Curtains

Ohhh Maaaaannnn!!! Today really dragged at work, but it’s 3:30 in the afternoon and I’m so glad to be getting off. “Otis, yo wait up.” Madison called out to me from behind. “Oh I wasn’t leavin’ yet, Mads. I was just headed to the vending machine to get-” “One of them nasty Sunny-D’s”, Madison said as she cut he off in a mocking manner. “When are you gonna give up them old man drinks, Otis?”

Now I’m looking at her with a sarcastically and peculiar expression. “None of my drinks are old man drinks, Maddy. You just ain’t got no taste. “Well your taste is very bland. You probably like oatmeal flavored ice cream.” “Really? There is no such thing as oatmeal flavored ice cream.”

“Yeah but if there was you’d probably drink it. I think the O in your name stands for old man. Old man, Otis.” Can’t believe she actually has me sitting right here holding back a smirk. “You know I would call you an old woman, but considering how you actually are older than me, the joke would actually be more accurate than funny.” I concluded. “So is there something I can help you with or are you just here to criticize my drinking choices?”

“Otis, I’ll always criticize your choice of…well everything, but right now we have bigger fish to fry. Are you gonna try the curtains exercise I told you about?” “Uh, what is that again?” I ask with a confused look, vaguely remembering what she told me about this exercise last week. “It’s basically the mental health tune out, old boy.” She replied sarcastically. “And what am I supposed to do again?” I ask curiously. Maddy then lets out an exhausted sigh.

“Look. You go home and go to your room right? Then you close the curtains and lay in the dark while playing some ASMR.” That’s when I interrupt her with a suggestion. “I don’t really do the whole ASMR thing. I’d rather listen to movie score.” “Then go do your movie score” Maddy begins. “Just make sure you go to your room, close the blinds so the room is nearly pitch black and crawl in bed with your headphones in and recite your daily affirmations.”

4:05pm. I’m just getting home to my tiny apartment and of course my cat tackled me as soon as I walk in the door so I go to the kitchen counter and pull out a glob of food and put it in my cat’s bowl. This holds her at bay long enough for me to run in my room and shut the door. As soon as I walk in the room I can see the sun shining down on my bed. After all, it is a beautiful day outside, but right now I need the solidarity of shade and I think only my curtains can provide that as of right now.

So I close my dark blue curtains and my room instantly looks like a screening room at a movie theater before the major motion picture begins. As I slowly lie down on my bed I notice that my room is cooler in the shade. This automatically shifts me into a relaxed mood. I take a moment to clear my mind as I lay on top of my bed cover. As I clear my head and close my eyes. I start saying my affirmations to myself

“On this day I am stronger, smarter, valued and loved. Above all else I love myself.” As I repeat this to myself over and over again, I slip on my headphones and go through my phone and play the song “Sweet Lullaby” by Deep Forest. The repetition of the song’s flute brings me ease of emotion in the dark as I repeat my affirmations to myself. There is a anchor of tranquility that I’m feeling like never before. It’s like a quiet reaffirming that everything is going to be okay. Within minutes my anxiety diminishes. I open my eyes and smile to myself as I realize that Maddy was right. My peace was found in self regulation hiding behind my bedroom curtains.